worried my friend is preparing to marry a gold digger and he's besotted with her.

fitnessguy1

elsien wrote: »

With friends like this, who needs enemies? This seems to be as much about your prejudices as it does concern for your friend.

but he is a friend and my concern is him investing so much, not just financially but also mentally, into this relationship and then her damaging him.

he is really doting on her and she doesn't seem the same way. i usually can read people reasonably well and she doesn't come across well to me. i think she has an agenda. what would you do if this was your friend?

Hermia

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

but he is a friend and my concern is him investing so much, not just financially but also mentally, into this relationship and then her damaging him.

he is really doting on her and she doesn't seem the same way. i usually can read people reasonably well and she doesn't come across well to me. i think she has an agenda. what would you do if this was your friend?

When I have concerns with the choices a friend is making I talk to them about it once, tell them I will be there for them and then never mention it again. They are adults and entitled to make their own mistakes. Besides relationships are funny things. I know some couples that look awful on the outside, but they are happy.

heuchera

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

but he is a friend and my concern is him investing so much, not just financially but also mentally, into this relationship and then her damaging him.

he is really doting on her and she doesn't seem the same way. i usually can read people reasonably well and she doesn't come across well to me. i think she has an agenda. what would you do if this was your friend?

Truth be told I often don't like my friend's choice of man, but I am wise enough to keep my opinions to myself about them.

But if I thought someone was in danger I would try to warn them.

BrassicWoman

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

what would you do if this was your friend?

I'm only really friends with adults, so I would trust him to know his own mind unless you think he needs to be sectioned.

If he is sane by legal definitions and over 18, I'd keep my nose out of where it didn't belong and start planning the stag night with him. Maybe pick out a nice gift for the wedding. And stop being so !!!!!y.

elsien

His money, his relationship, his choice .
You can voice your concerns if you want to, although I'd suggest leaving out the "tight clothes = gold digger" comments. But you'd have to do so very carefully and tactfully if you want your friendship to survive.
If his mum's on his case he's probably already aware of opinions and on the defensive, and if he finds out you've been discussing it with his family he'll be fuming.
So if you've already voiced a concern and he's ignored it, back right off and be there to help pick up the pieces if you turn out to be right. If he has to choose between you and his partner right now, who do you think he'll choose?

fitnessguy1

missprice wrote: »

I so want to know what " wife material" is.
Maybe this is where I went wrong when I was married, and is there " husband material" too?

i personally wouldn't want to marry someone who looks down at others and thinks they're better than other people.

heuchera

Has anyone read Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian by Marina Lewicka? This thread is so reminding me of that book :rotfl:

There's the widowed elderly dad, and a gold-digging younger woman, and the 2 sisters who normally don't get along find themselves united in trying to rid him of this awful woman.

tomtontom

missprice wrote: »

I so want to know what " wife material" is.
Maybe this is where I went wrong when I was married, and is there " husband material" too?

And "provocative clothing" - what does the OP feel fitted clothing is provoking?

BrassicWoman

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

i personally wouldn't want to marry someone who looks down at others and thinks they're better than other people.

And yet you clearly think you are better than her

LilElvis

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

but he is a friend and my concern is him investing so much, not just financially but also mentally, into this relationship and then her damaging him.

he is really doting on her and she doesn't seem the same way. i usually can read people reasonably well and she doesn't come across well to me. i think she has an agenda. what would you do if this was your friend?

What you should do is step back and not say a word. Do you think your friend will thank you for insinuating his wife to be is having an affair with, apparently, zero evidence? Do you think he will like you assassinating her character based on her dress sense? Do you not think he will feel betrayed when he discovers that his friend and mother have been discussing his relationship like gossiping fishwives? Does he really need a "friend" like you?