Losing friends...

Petra_70

Jagraf wrote: »

I think lots of people drop other people all the time, men and women, and pick them up again when suits.

I don't hold this against anyone - i don't monitor whether they can or can't come to parties and I don't seek emotional revenge. None of us really know what's going on in another persons life so I just let it be.

burlington6 wrote: »

You're obviously the needy type I described who comes running back, hence why you disagree.

I can't see anything in Jagraf's posts that indicates that she is needy. :huh:

Was this response meant for someone else?

Alikay

burlington6 wrote: »

You're obviously the needy type I described who comes running back, hence why you disagree.

Jagraf comes across to me as quite the opposite to needy: She seems able to accept people's human failings without overthinking or personalising things as she's quite secure in herself.

lazer

I came home from a night out once and my house had been broken into and I phoned a friend to come and sit with me until the police came as I was upset and not sure what to do.
To me this was an emergency, I could have handled it on my own, and just waited for the police, but didn't.


My husband got attacked on a night out once, and I phoned my parents to collect us from the hospital in the middle of night.


The only close family I have are my parents (I do have a brother but he lives abroad and I rarely see him) and my husband, my parents are getting older and I am very aware of it only being me and my husband at some stage.
, my husbands family live in Australia

I have a few very good friends, but they have siblings and nieces and nephews and despite them telling me over the years that I am like a sister, I'm not, and this is obvious when it comes to things like Christmas and Birthdays.


Since I started dating my now husband, I have always been very conscious of making time for my friends, as I have never liked people that drop their friends for new boyfriends, I always make sure I go to peoples birthdays, children's Christenings, weddings, hen nights, house warming or whatever the event as its important enough to them to invite me.


I flew home from Australia once (was over visiting the OH family - for just 2 weeks) and didn't get home to after 11pm, and then got dressed up, put on the make up to cover up the tiredness and went out to the pub, as it was a very close friends 30th Birthday party.


When you don't have close siblings, friends are so important.


I actually think I am so conscious of making sure I make time for my friends, that I don't make enough time for my husband or even me time.


My New Years Resolution is to make sure I put myself first sometimes and put my husband before my friends.

heartbreak_star

B6 is a bit antagonistic.

HBS x

burlington6

Petra_70 wrote: »

I can't see anything in Jagraf's posts that indicates that she is needy. :huh:

Was this response meant for someone else?

Sorry, that was the wrong word.

Selfish is probably more accurate

duchy

I don't think needy or selfish are the right words but the thought crossed my mind that if a partner is actively encouraging you to see friends more instead of a constant twosome it may mean they see that as healthier (not that it's something bad in a relationship but that the balance needs a little tweaking)

bugslet

lazer wrote: »

When you don't have close siblings, friends are so important.


I actually think I am so conscious of making sure I make time for my friends, that I don't make enough time for my husband or even me time.


.

I have no family at all, so I know exactly where you are coming from.

All of life is a balance and you have to tweak all the way through!

pickledonionspaceraider

Peter333 wrote: »

Yeah OK........ I am SURE all the boyfriends of your old friends are just like this...... Bbut even if they are, you have no right to judge them. As I said, maybe THAT is why your friends don't bother with you anymore, because you are judgemental. You may think you're not, but you really are coming across that way...

You just keep convincing yourself that the old 'friends' of yours not keeping in touch, is NOTHING to do with you!

As long as you're in denial, nothing will change.

If people are constantly not bothering to stay in touch, then you do have to start questioning whether it's anything to do with you.

Until you do that, nobody on here can help you...

Ironic................

simple_but_sweet

Hi, just wanted to have a little input into this. It's not always a case of when a woman in her 30/40s gets a man she instantly drops her friends. I've recently turned 30 & met someone, and yes my time with my friends has become limited, but I feel it has nothing to do with the new person in my life. The priorities in my life have changed and I now spend quite a lot of time either with my family, or on my own, not with my new partner.
In the past I've tried to arrange spending time with my friends outside of nights out (exercise classes, walks, cinema etc) sometimes we spent time together, quite alot of the time they either weren't interested or had other plans, but I understood they had their own lives to live.

meer53

I have friends i've known for 30+ years, some i see every week, some i see a couple of times a year. I don't stress over the ones i see infrequently, i know they're still my friends, same as they know i'm still theirs. I don't feel put out if they're busy when i'm free, and vice versa. It's life, it's too short to worry about stuff like that. I have friends and neighbours who would be happy to help me at 3am if there was an emergency, even if i hadn't spoken to them for 6 months, same as i would be there for them if they needed help.

Don't really want to offend the OP but they come across as a bit needy. Just my opinion.