Losing friends...

missbiggles1

bugslet wrote: »

I'd call my mate . Bob up to her house, like me they run a haulage company, getting woken up and going back to sleep is in the job description. They could do the same to me if they got locked out, I'd be cross if they hung around waiting for a locksmith when they could have a key in 10 minutes.

It does depend whether your friends live very close to you - in my case, a locksmith would probably be quicker.

(Actually, if truth were told, I'd probably just break a window.:o)

System

I'll be hones,t i feel i was a bad friend last year, i got a little too caught up in a new relationship and i know i didn't see friend's as much as i should. that said the friend's in question have told me not too worry and that it goes both ways (i.e we both have to make the effort). I'm determined to try and see friends more this year. It can become a bit a bit too easy to get wrapped up in things. I'm the happiest i have ever been since i met the bf and have wanted to spend a lot og time with him, but i do understand that i need to make more time for friends (bf has even point blank told me to go out and see people instead of seeing him so its not him holding me back)

Person_one

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I'd call a locksmith rather than a friend if it really was the middle of the night rather than just latish.

I'd much rather a friend call me than a locksmith. I'm not going to charge them anything, and would probably get them inside much quicker.

I've had friends call me on NYE because it had snowed unexpectedly and they couldn't get any taxi drivers to take them back to the hilly village where they lived. I didn't mind, I let them in and blew up an air bed at 4am even though I'd been asleep since 1.

Years back another friend called me because her boyfriend had abandoned her after a row on a night out, she didn't have her purse because he was carrying both their cash and cards in his wallet. I picked her up, took her home and listened to her for a bit.

I have more examples involving family, even (amazingly!!) some without young children, but this thread is about friends.

bugslet

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I'll be hones,t i feel i was a bad friend last year, i got a little too caught up in a new relationship and i know i didn't see friend's as much as i should. that said the friend's in question have told me not too worry and that it goes both ways (i.e we both have to make the effort). I'm determined to try and see friends more this year. It can become a bit a bit too easy to get wrapped up in things. I'm the happiest i have ever been since i met the bf and have wanted to spend a lot og time with him, but i do understand that i need to make more time for friends (bf has even point blank told me to go out and see people instead of seeing him so its not him holding me back)

PS Missbiggles, have they pulled yoour 'is it me' thread? :-(

I hope he's the one for you Messedup, but yes, make time for your friends - they just add a different dimension to your life than a partner.

duchy

I think it depends on the personalities involved.

I have one friend who ripped into me when I didn't call her out to sit with my son when my Mum was rushed into hospital in the middle of the night (It was a life threatening situation and I wasn't thinking straight and I should have done)...... but she genuinely meant it.

I was involved in a car accident a few months later and rang her at 1 am and she came and picked me up from A&E (both days she had work the next day).


However by the same count I caught her on-line at 6am a couple of years later -she had moved away by this time and she told me her FIL on holiday had died and she had wanted to fly out to Spain to be with her husband but her Mum was away until the next day so she had no-one to look after her boys overnight and was going to have to delay her flight and go a day later -I drove the 50 miles to her new home so she could fly that day and my son and I stayed overnight with her kids until her Mum got back to take over.

Years have passed and our boys are all in their twenties now but we are still friends and we both know we can call on the other if we needed to even if it 's 3am although fortunately we've not needed to.

I've been with my partner just three years but he wouldn't bat an eyelid if I needed to jump in the car to go to her in an emergency (and it'd be HIS car -he'd have to get the train to work ) he gets our friendship and appreciates it works both ways (as did my friend's ex husband who the day my Mum died cancelled meetings so my son could stay with him whilst I went and said my farewell and catch my brother as he flew in and break the news to him)

Some friends have their limits - others you know will be there for you regardless of time or distance .....and I count myself as very fortunate but it does have to work both ways ! If you want a friend who will always be there through thick and thin - you also need to be that kind of friend as well.

duchy

Alikay wrote: »

At 11:05 I'd probably go out to collect a friend. At 3am it'd have to be something important, but if their safety were in question obviously I'd go and they'd hopefully repay my kindness via wine or chocolate. I have been dragged from my bed through my kids teenage antics - each time I was pleased they'd come to us for help, and they learned from their experiences.

Teenage kids are a different scenario - You raised them so your responsibility if they screw up .

If I dug a friend out of a difficult situation I'd expect them to say thank you- I wouldn't expect wine and chocolate......... You never know when life will throw a curved ball and the boot will be on the other foot anyway.

Pollycat

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I am as well - why do you think I wasn't?

Because you posted this:

missbiggles1 wrote: »

When my husband was in hospital a few months ago I was very grateful to friends who came in to feed my cats and dogs while I stayed with him for 3 days. However, I didn't need to ring them at 3 in the morning to ask them to do this for me.

It sounded - at least to me - that you didn't need to ring at 3am, not that you chose not to.

missbiggles1

Person_one wrote: »

I'd much rather a friend call me than a locksmith. I'm not going to charge them anything, and would probably get them inside much quicker.

I've had friends call me on NYE because it had snowed unexpectedly and they couldn't get any taxi drivers to take them back to the hilly village where they lived. I didn't mind, I let them in and blew up an air bed at 4am even though I'd been asleep since 1.

Years back another friend called me because her boyfriend had abandoned her after a row on a night out, she didn't have her purse because he was carrying both their cash and cards in his wallet. I picked her up, took her home and listened to her for a bit.

I have more examples involving family, even (amazingly!!) some without young children, but this thread is about friends.

Are you a cat burglar on the side?

Seriously, I do think that many emergencies (not all) can be solved by being independent and spending a bit of money. I don't like to use people in that way (although friends often say "Oh, you should've rung!") and prefer to use a taxi/book accommodation /pay for a service instead.

I'll happily respond if anybody asks me for help but, for myself, I'd rather just get on with it unless there is absolutely no other choice and I think people respect that.

missbiggles1

Pollycat wrote: »

Because you posted this:

It sounded - at least to me - that you didn't need to ring at 3am, not that you chose not to.

Sorry, I've lost the thread of this bit....

OK, you said "Maybe a childless person has a dog that would need walking/feeding in an emergency" and my point was that nobody would need to phone at 3 am to do this because dogs don't need walking/feeding at that time, even if the emergency is a middle of the night thing.

So, when my husband's been rushed into hospital in the middle of the night, I waited until the morning before ringing friends for help with the animals because I didn't need to do that until a civilised hour.

Person_one

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Are you a cat burglar on the side?

No, but I'm a fantastic spare key custodian, and my spare bed/sofas are nearly always available if the need arises.

Being independent is great, being self reliant wherever possible is definitely something to aim for. Occasionally needing your friends and not being too proud to ask for their help, or being willing to help out a friend in a tight spot is no terrible thing though, and doesn't negate either of the first two.

No man is an island, etc.