Living with a hopeless spender.

supersavershal

Hes just gone to work and today, I dont know why I feel really down.I feel like life is one big struggle.I have a good job and a nice home but never have any money.Its all my own fault I know.For years ive bought what I wanted not what ive needed.I havnt even got half the stuff ive bought, and I couldnt tell you what it was, yet here I am still paying for it.I cant beleive I didnt see the light sooner.I always thought the people I worked with had lots more money than me because they had bigger houses and nicer cars and designer gear but they were buying on credit too.I had a good talk with the girls I work with last week and found out that they are all in debt too, they were really glad to talk about it.It just shows you things arnt always what they seem.Today im fed up, baby is screaming with his teeth, im on my own and have to go to school to pick son up and all the show offs will be there talking about their latest aquisitions and im counting the days until payday.Is there an end to this.And OH doesnt give a damn

SarahNeedle1872

supersavershal wrote: »

Hes just gone to work and today, I dont know why I feel really down.I feel like life is one big struggle.I have a good job and a nice home but never have any money.Its all my own fault I know.For years ive bought what I wanted not what ive needed.I havnt even got half the stuff ive bought, and I couldnt tell you what it was, yet here I am still paying for it.I cant beleive I didnt see the light sooner.I always thought the people I worked with had lots more money than me because they had bigger houses and nicer cars and designer gear but they were buying on credit too.I had a good talk with the girls I work with last week and found out that they are all in debt too, they were really glad to talk about it.It just shows you things arnt always what they seem.Today im fed up, baby is screaming with his teeth, im on my own and have to go to school to pick son up and all the show offs will be there talking about their latest aquisitions and im counting the days until payday.Is there an end to this.And OH doesnt give a damn

Don't feel down, its not all your fault.... ur in a relationship, so it is both ur faults - same in this house....
As for all the show off with their latest aquisitions.... how do u know that many of them aren't in a similar or worse position to you!?! They could all be pre-LBM show offs, one day the realisation will catch up with them!

Dito the secret accs! I have one for me, one for DS and one for debt repayment.... it's cruel I know, but the less OH knows about, the less hassle and stress I get!

Re the baby, DS is starting to teeth too.... invest in some Calpol and teething gel!

Chin up girl, ur doing well! :grouphug:

Sarah x

Shineyhappy

Have you sat down and told your OH exactly how down you are about this? I think with a lot of men you need to be very direct and blunt:

You always wanting money and runing up debts makes me very unhappy to the point where I wonder if I want out of this marriage

Anything much less and he may dismiss you out of hand. I would get a babysitter and a full statment of affairs ready and sit down and tell him exactly how you feel. Ask him if this is how he thought he would provide for his wife and children.

If you dont think you can say it to his face then write him a letter. If his spending is making you unhappy then he either loves you enough to stop or you should let him have some time on his own to decide whether he wants to act like a husband and father or like a child.

I know how important marriage is and I dont want to sound harsh, but he is being a selfish so and so and a marriage is made up of two people wanting whats best for them both, not just thinking of themselves.

Sorry to be mean.

MRSMCAWBER

Hi supersaveshal

Chin up mrs!!!!big hugs and i hope little ones tushypegs ease up soon!

Im sure that a lot of those stood around the school gates with their new this, that and the other... are up to their necks in it!!!and how many may be going home to "not a lot in the cupboards" As you have just found out - your workmates are all in the same boat.... its just something we dont talk about in public;) ... At least you are dealing with your debts - and ok things might be a little tight but you have stopped digging!!!

And if that means that you have to "squirrel money away" then thats how it is.... i must admit i have housekeeping off hubby (just for shopping -everything else is DD)- very old fashioned i know but thats the way i work... he would rather me have his bank card and fetch what i need when i need:rolleyes: .. id rather have a set amount every month -but then what i do with it is up to me.... and yep i have recently started putting some away too - i dont see it as mine, but its there as a safety net..for US

As you say you have a lovely home, and now you are getting things straight on the finances front... i really feel for you - doing it solo must be difficult, but stay strong - refuse OH his "borrows" you are making great strides towards being debt free and setting your little ones up for a great future -and it is you and he/she that matters...

So when you get home from picking son up, get a huge mug of tea and think about all the things you have allready achieved.... and all the things you will achieve soon....
Stay strong..... and give yourself a pat on the back:D

supersavershal

Thanks Sarah and shineyhappy.If I hadnt have found this site and all you great people I would feel very alone at this time.I think this weekend is going to be crunch time for us, I need to have a better life for me and my children.His idea of a better life is buying stupid things to make himself feel happy for about ten minutes.Im going to have it out with him.I am lucky that I have 2 beautiful healthy children and a career and enough money to be able to pay my debts off.Its not going to happen overnight and the big loan is ten years, but I want us as a family to change the way we manage our money.If he cant come on board with me then im going to have to seriously think about our future.I dont want to ever run big cc debts up again.And im determined I will never consolidate again, I dont regret doing it but I just dont want to have to do it again if that makes sense.I hope one day I will be debt free and able to buy the things I need with cash.I want my children to know the value of money and to work hard 2 get it.

Shineyhappy

I really hope that you can talk some sense into him, i shall have my fingers crossed for you!

Hopefully he will see that he needs to grow up and put his kids first and will have his LBM thrust upon him!

My OH is in a completly different position to me, he has loads of money saved and currently a small mortgage, but he has agreed to stop wasting cash and keep me company in my skintness! That means no more eating out all the time, no more expensive toys and he is taking more of an interest in his finances! He has saved money on his internet, phone, Sky and utilities and has even listened to me about getting an ISA! He used to joke about me being tight, but now he buys smart price cheese and uses money off coupons and he doesnt even need to! The message will get through- eventually!

tallyhoh

supersavershal wrote: »

Hi tallyhoh, I cancelled the laptop.Im going to make do with my desktop and ds laptop.

Good For You!:T

supersavershal

Hi everyone, ive not been around much for a while.I have been so busy.Oh has been a bit better he hasnt borrowed any money and he is slowly listening to me.Nemo rang us last week and offered to lend us another £5000.OH was all for having it but then I showed him whats the cost calculator and he realised that we would pay back £31000 in interest on a £30000 loan he soon changed his mind.He was looking at it as only an extra £40 a month but I think the interest shocked him.
Anyway, at the moment I work part time.Oh works full time.A job has come up where I work and I have been strongly encouraged to apply.I dont know what to do.It is a promotion but it is full time and mainly 9-5 hours.At the moment I work 5 nights a fortnight and we dont use childcare as we manage between ourselves and family.This job is one I have aspired to for years and I know I could do it and would love it, but I gave my older child my undivided attention for years and always did the school run.This new job would mean my baby would have to have a childminder and I would feel guilty.I dont know what to do...

GettingThingsDone

Hi supersavershal, such a tricky one. I can't really advise, but hope you make the decision that's right for you

gtd

(Land_of)_Maz

Hi Shal, it's a difficult situation to be in... These are some of the things i would think about in your situation.

squillions of women work daily and it doesn't adversely affect kids.. (some might argue but really it doesn't!)

9-5hours are the best kind of hours and you will easily get childcare to suit..

This is the job you have been waiting for... if it's a good job you may never get another chance to apply as good jobs don't come up that often.

They are encouraging you to apply, a postive sign!

WFTC will cover some of your childcare costs.

You won't have to work evenings anymore... more quality time with everyone at home, rather than one parent in babysitting/one working!

Your kids won't make the distinction between whether you were there for one more than the other. You're their mum, you're just there... end of! They aren't paying that much attention!

Kids don't view childcare/out of school clubs etc as a hardship, it's a place where they can spend extra time with their pals!!

And, dare i say it, if you apply for the job and don't get it. Well you can say you've tried, whereas if you don't, you'll always wonder "what if"

As you can gather i work full time, so i fall on that side of the debate!

Well done on skipping the Nero finance thingy!! That was well pointed out on your behalf!