Living with a hopeless spender.

(Land_of)_Maz

Shal, well done on opting out of the laptop purchase! so so so so so so proud of you!!!

Debt_Free_Chick

supersavershal wrote: »

Things have gotten a little worse today.I use egg money manager and got up this morning as I do every day and checked all our accounts.We have a balance on the egg card of £203.I suggested we clear it in full today as we have £266 in the current account and we could easily manage with £63 for shopping, petrol etc until he gets paid next week.He said I couldnt do this as he owes £90 to someone in work.

Err .... not your problem. If he didn't involve you in the decision to take out this debt, then it's not for you to share paying it off. Pay off the Egg card as you planned and leave him to deal with his workmate.

You are baling him out and the more you do this, the more he'll continue with his behaviour.

Time for some tough love - leave him to it and deal with the Egg card.

choccyface2006

SSS,

Your OH sounds abit like my ex husband. He used to get paid cash but always had a reason for it not making its way to the bank, and when he did get to bank it it would be alot less as he would take money out for other unnessasary things, gradually we started going into the red even though I kept telling him that we needed to get a grip on our finances.

He loved his games consoles & games, eating out and takeaways which is where most of his wages went, I barly ever bought anything that was for myself.

When we split up I presented him with account balances and he was shocked that we were £600 overdrawn (which isn't really a great deal, esp as we had no other debts) We did have double this in a cash isa and he couldn't understand why the bank would let us go overdrawn if we had money in another account, he thought they should have just knocked the overdraft off our savings.

He has never trusted banks, always thinking they are out to fleece you (which of course they can if you let them) Even now he banks only the minimum to pay the rent & utilities and keeps the rest in cash in the house. This resulted in a not-so-nice friend making off with £700 of his hard earned cash recently.

I am totally the opposite. Only spending what I can afford, saving 50% of my income for things that I really want and I always have a small constingency fund. I use Microsoft money to recond every penny and have never even been overdrawn so never been fleeced by my banks. My new OH is much the same, he uses MM too. We don't live together so our finances are separate but its so much easier being with someone who shares the same views with money as I do.

I can't really offer much advice for you but maybe you could look over your bank statements and do a few calculations, along the lines of, "if we continue to spend x per month on unnessasary things then in 2 years will will be z in debt" or if we save y per month, then we would have w in savings" That might open his eyes!

Sarah x

SarahNeedle1872

Miracles DO happen, maybe one day soon for you too.... post #120

Sarah x
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?p=6181819#post6181819

supersavershal

SarahNeedle1872 wrote: »

Miracles DO happen, maybe one day soon for you too.... post #120

Sarah x
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?p=6181819#post6181819

thanks sarah, I hope it happens soon.My OH hates this site too, he hates the fact that I have become so empowered by it and know so much more about managing my money than I used to.I think it has spoilt his fun.I did have a pick me up this morning I found £15.00 in a pocket in my old handbag (see thats how careless I used to be with money).OHs eyes lit up he was thinking how he could spend it, but Im paying it off one of my clear 3 debts by christmas debts.OH would go mad if he knew I was posting his exploits on this forum.He is really a lovely man and the money thing is really the only complaint ive got, he works hard and is a great dad.And when im on nights he makes me egg and soldiers in bed in the morning, in winter he warms my pjs so its not all bad.

GettingThingsDone

Hi SSS - good on you for keeping up your DFW-ness under the pressure

I really think you've touched on something that is bigger than your OH, and that is - how do you re-educate people? I think fundamentally, and in the DFW spirit, it has to come from within. However hard you try and push your OH into the DFW-mindset, the more he may push the other way.

As you say, he's a lovely man - it's not that he's a bad 'un, it's just that his attitude to money actively works against his best interests. Many of us have been there and it often takes the LBM to wake us up - others aren't so lucky and end up with serious problems. My pre-LBM wake-up-call involved just thinking and talking about the things I wanted to do in life with my OH and realising that unless I did something about it those things were just dreams.

I suggest you help him set some achievable goals in his life that will pull him away from his toys etc and get him focussed on what's best for your family. Just thinking about these things can have a massive impact...

Good luck and keep posting!

gtd

Jazzyjeff_2

keren29 wrote: »

He is still the same,although he is now single. I still see him when I pick up our dog for a walk and I can see all the bottles of wine stored around the house, and the branded food packaging in the bins. I can't ever think of a time I've seen a Value item in the house.
quote]

You really shouldn't be going through his bins, you could get into trouble for that :rotfl: :rotfl:

katskorner

Hey shal,

How is it going now? Do you think he is any closer to his LBM yet? Good on you for cancelling the laptop. Sorry if I sounded harsh but I felt I had to be like that to be honest. Some things don't justify cutting any slack!

I hope you are OK and it would be nice to hear more from you as to how you are doing.

supersavershal

Hi Katskorner, I dont think you were harsh.I have thought many times about leaving him but have always stuck with it.If it was making the kids miserable I would, It doesnt always make me miserable more annoyed and frustrated.I appreciate your honesty, after all we come here to listen to everyones opinions even if we dont agree with them.I also come from a large catholic family and have always been told that these days people give up too easily on marriage and relationships and arnt prepared to weather the storms and work things out.Iv taken OH to work today and was giving him some change (just for a drink as he gets a meal for free in work) he wanted £3.00 and I said that was a bit much and we agreed on £1.50.I just wish it had come from him the lesser amount, he makes me feel like him mum sometimes.He is a good man and although he is crap with money he never leaves us short, he just thinks any surplas is to be spent.I do have a cc which I do use its not got a huge balance but I would like to pay it in full each month.I think part of the problem is up until January I was as bad as him but I got fed up with it all.We just bought stuff for the sake of it, my boys had wardrobes of clothes with tags still on.They had that much they couldnt wear it all, I even had 3 prams for the baby.I feel ashamed of my behaviour now, I always had to go one better than the other mums.I feel much happier now im in control of my finances and have even managed to budget so I could reduce my working hours, OH attitude is the only fly in the ointment.

Burlesque_Babe

Jazzyjeff wrote: »

keren29 wrote: »

He is still the same,although he is now single. I still see him when I pick up our dog for a walk and I can see all the bottles of wine stored around the house, and the branded food packaging in the bins. I can't ever think of a time I've seen a Value item in the house.
quote]

You really shouldn't be going through his bins, you could get into trouble for that :rotfl: :rotfl:

lol..........it was the bin in the kitchen - it's an open topped one

He has sooo much wine around the house it is criminal, but well, he isn't my problem anymore although I do try to help him if he asks even though he is my ex.