Living with a hopeless spender.

ixwood

Pocket money is the way forward. When it's gone, it's gone!!

Treadstone009

To be fair he does shop at Asda which i've allways considered a bit !!!!!:rotfl: , must have some sense of budget control.

TS_777

Hi SuperSaverShal

Everyone has their weak point. If you have total control than nothing really bad should happen. Just keep on nagging him! If he really loves his toys, let him have them and be happy. If he gets off them, you could sell them on ebay.

What if you "help" him to choose his next toy from the range that the children could use as well? Then you don't need to buy toys for them!

TS 777

katskorner

Hi Shal,

I feel for you honey. I had a boy like that once but no more. We are still married but he doesn't do that stuff anymore. But it took major stuff for that to change and I promise you you do not want to go through what we did to change him. (Do a search on here for my username and you will find the thread I started in July 2006). We have no debts except for the mortgage(s) and pay off cards every month. I simply couldn't live with myself if I didn't - don't spend what you don't have - that is how I was brought up and that is how I live. OH has had to learn.

If you have all the bank control then you have to be the one to stop him having access to money. You have to be the one to take the cards away and give him an allowance. If it comes to it - you get in his car and fuel it for him rather than letting him do it! Extreme but he has to realise that this attitude can't go on. He needs to wake up and he is the only one who can do that. Give him pocket money, but treat him like an adult - not a child. Search for a good investment account (such as ICICI HISAVE at 6.3%) and suggest opening an account to him. Ask his opinion and empower him. He will like that. Men do. He may not understand what you are doing but open that account and set up a regular payment to it - show him every 6 months and tell him about that fab holiday, bikes for the kids etc that it will pay for. Give him a fiver or so once in a while and send him out for a pint or two (they love that one and quickly learn you are giving so they don't take the pee). You get the idea? I hope I am not waffling!

I got my OH involved again after he lost complete control and now he has access to his accounts but all his money is paid into our joint account and I have total visibility of everything, he is less inclined to blow it cos he knows the fallout won't be worth it. We spend together and we save to give us security - I need that mentally even though he isn't as concerned. But he does respect that and so he is willing to do it. I hope some of this helps (I have had a really bad day with my baby ending up at hospital after splitting his head open so forgive me if I am spouting tosh!!)

BWZN93

Mine is tighter with money than me!! This only happened as a result of him not working, then quitting a job within 3 days of getting one, and me flipping out at him big time. This happened about a year ago. I told him to move out and 3 days later allowed him to come home, showed him what £ I take home, what had to paid out, and why I went mad whenever we were skint.

Since then, he is in regular employment, pays his half of the bills and food, and hates when we have little money to buy food or the occassional luxury. He doesnt earn enough to give himself luxuries, so I make sure there is always enough money for a pizza from tesco etc and in return I have complete control of the money, his included. He brought home more than his share of the household budget this week, so I told him he could have something as a treat - to which he replied 'id rather save the money for the next load of obligations'. I could have cried!

Its improved our relationship no end now that he understands why I get stressed out over money, he does his bit and is allowed his free time without hassle from me - it works all round. Is there any way you could show him in black and white exactly what the figures look like and how quickly it could all go belly up if you dont do something to prevent it happening? You could make the figures look a little worse for dramatic effect - we wont tell him!!

Jo x

Sporticus

Hi SuperSaverShal

I'm new around here and thought that I'd just written your original post! I empathise with you totally hun - we are in exactly the same situation and I've come on here tonight to ask for some advice about how to go about things. I won't hijack your post but good luck with trying to get him sorted. I've sat down with my dh and gone through the budget so he is more aware of the situation now but whether he will stop is another matter....

Good luck and thinking of you!

supersavershal

Things have gotten a little worse today.I use egg money manager and got up this morning as I do every day and checked all our accounts.We have a balance on the egg card of £203.I suggested we clear it in full today as we have £266 in the current account and we could easily manage with £63 for shopping, petrol etc until he gets paid next week.He said I couldnt do this as he owes £90 to someone in work.I can control everything money wise but how can I stop him borrowing from the people he works with.I feel I have to pay it back as it is someone I know well, he has 2 small children and my OH would refuse to go to work if I didnt give him it.I really resent the fact that the £90 could have been spent on clearing the cc.I have just shouted at my 8yr old and feel really guilty as i know its just because OH has stressed me out.I feel like i try all the time to make life better but im fighting a losing battle, now im turning into a bad mum too.

rayday2

If you know his friend that well ask him not to lend him money again!

CharliesAngel

Ohmigod I'm so staying single for the rest of my life!

good luck supersavershal - I'm sure his lightbulb will be flickering soon


CA xxx

miserly_mum

rayday2 wrote: »

If you know his friend that well ask him not to lend him money again!

Thats what I had to do with my ex hubby. I had control of the money because we had so little of it and 3 young children.His attitude was if its in the bank its for spending.If we had a very tight week and he couldn't have any money to out with he'd borrow off a friend or family member knowing i'd feel obliged to pay them back.He used the excuse we had no money for nappies or baby milk a few times which made me furious because the kids never went without.This happened one time too many. I made a point of speaking to all my in laws and family friends and making it quite plain that if they lent him money then fine,as long as they realised they wouldn't be getting it back . Strangely enough it never happened much after that.