Living with a hopeless spender.

supersavershal

In what way do you help him?I hope its now help to drink the wine!LOL

SarahNeedle1872

Shal - agree about OHs... he would go off his head if he read some of the things I posted about him!

GTD - ur absolutely right about the mindset.... I tried nagging and hassling OH and it didn't work, it just made him more reluctant to help himself.... his mini LBM came out of having to look after his own finances agauin for two weeks, and realising that he had no money left for bills! That seems (for now!) to have made a difference... he volunteered his cards to me, after realising he now has £500 to pay off, at 39.9% apr, and that this time I'm not gonna bail him out. Maybe this time it will sink in a bit better.

Sarah x

RAS

racer256 wrote: »

we aren't (thankfully) married and just live together I can separate my finances from his. Just as lng as we don't overspend on our joint account thats ok

racer
If you have a joint account, then you will be linked financially. It might be a good idea to get you credit check to see what it says.

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/credit-rating-credit-score

katskorner

That is what happened to me. My OH got into a lot of debt and I had no choice but to help him out of it as we are married, have joint accounts and own property. If I hadn't helped him then his creditors would have come after me for the money anyway regardless of the fact I had nothing to do with the debt.

supersavershal

OH is at it again.We have a large (pre mse days) secured loan.At the moment we just pay it and forget it, what is done is done and all that.Anyway our friendly loan company rang us to tell us about their wonderful offer , we can borrow more money from them, and it will be a new loan and at the end of the loan period (10 yrs) if we have kept up to date with payments we can have a quarter of our interest paid back.OH thinks this is wonderful, he has the extra money spent allready.I cannot get it through his head that this is a bad idea.The small balances on the cc we have are easily payable, we can get rid of them all within 6 months and I dont use them like I used to.How can I make him see sense, Ive tried snowball calculator he says the repayments are ok.Im so frustrated.

tallyhoh

supersavershal wrote: »

Today has been an up and down day.It started well with OH reluctantly allowing me to list some of his "toys" on e-bay.Then it went downhill when I went to pick mum up from work, I came back and he had ordered me a laptop as a sorry present for all this going on.I have wanted a new laptop for ages but have been trying to save for it.I could shout as he thought he was doing me a good turn and when the new laptop comes im changing my broadband to sky so will save £18.00 a month.

I can't believe you are not going nuts over this. You have just given him an excuse to buy something "nice" for himself. After all, you have just had a new laptop, haven't you?
He's manipulating you big time!!

Take it from one who's gone through it for 22 years & just found out that the money the OH has saved has actually come out of his dads care home money.

Bitter & disillusioned? Oh no, not me.

madmoney_2

hi, well done for not getting the laptop, re oh, put your foot down, i know its easier sed than done but unless youve got something major YOU need to spend the money on then dont get it. explain to oh how he is getting you down with this constant WANT for money, im in the same boat hun so can totally sympathise. my oh gets annoyed when i come on here, says im talking to my nerdy friends but i have to come on here to regain a sense of normality - he just seems to live for today n not bother about tomorrow!!! its payday for me today and for the first time in my life ive not touched it n have no need to touch it, as i only took 30 quid out of last weeks wages!!! told oh this (stupidly i know...u can see where im going with this), and he sed hes had his eye on this telly he seen in argos for weeks n could we go shopping tomorrow??? hes unbelievable!!
just remember that you are not the only one going thru this, after reading this thread i feel i have a lot in common with you, its the same with me comin from large family n weathering the storms etc, just wanted to say chin up and ur not on your own xxxxx

SarahNeedle1872

Hi SSS

Sorry to hear about the hassle with your OH - have you tried sitting down and talking to him about how he is making you feel? From a personal point of view, I know what it is like battling against OHs, altho I am lucky in the repect that we have no joint credit, OH has very little access to any due to previous problems (and wouldn't really know where to start looking properly!).

My OH likes to buy 'nice things' too - honestly, a 42" tv really will enhance your life! Altho he is finally starting to come round....

Keep working on him - I found the subtle ways are the best - and it may be worth getting hold of all the banks/finance companies you have credit with, and asking them to be taken of their marketing list - hopefully then u won't get any more 'friendly' phone calls!

Well done for not taking the laptop, that is a moral victory for you and may help ur OH to start to see sense!
Like MadMoney, I learned the hard way from telling OH about what money we had, so now my 'debt acc' is a secret, and as far as he's concerned, we are skint (we actually are this week tho :eek: ), and my OH thinks this is a nerdy site and 'why are u on the computer when we could be out somewhere?' - for 'out somewhere', read 'up town shopping' :mad:

As MadMoney said, ur are far from alone here, many of us have OH's who aren't quite with the DFW ways yet!

Sarah x

supersavershal

Hi tallyhoh, I cancelled the laptop.Im going to make do with my desktop and ds laptop.

supersavershal

Your Oh sounds just like mine.If I have a bit of money I cant tell him I have to keep it secret.If he knows ive got it he goes on and on until he gets it off me.Ive even got a secret account he knows nothing about where I stash money.