Living with a hopeless spender.

supersavershal

Paulgonnabedebtfree wrote: »

Not wanting to start the battle of the sexes here but this frivolous spending stuff isn't gender specific. Although I have been guilty of it, I tended to do it on smaller things. My ex cohabitee was frivolous with ermmmm rather larger items. I was too soft and took the brunt of the debt on. Mug, eh?
I walked quite a few years ago. I didn't walk to protect my finances. I walked to protect my sanity.

Totally agree Paul it is not gender specific.At the start of my thread im sure I mentioned that I used to join OH in his spending sprees and occaisonally still find it hard to curb my uneccessary spending.
The title of my thread is living with a hopeless spender so anyone can join in regardless of gender.
I was a hopeless spender too before I had my lightbulb moment and joined this site.
xx shal

MyLastFiver

Shal,

It shouldn't be too hard for a woman to get her man to do what she wants him to. You have a bargaining chip.

What do you have, that he wants all the time, and will do almost anything to get?

Paulgonnabedebtfree

supersavershal wrote: »

Totally agree Paul it is not gender specific.At the start of my thread im sure I mentioned that I used to join OH in his spending sprees and occaisonally still find it hard to curb my uneccessary spending.
The title of my thread is living with a hopeless spender so anyone can join in regardless of gender.
I was a hopeless spender too before I had my lightbulb moment and joined this site.
xx shal

I'm such a convert that my lightbulb moment happened with one of those eco low wattage thingies.
Actually, my lightbulb moment came with doing my SOA on THAT spreadsheet. It was scarey stuff and I need to be a tightwad AND work my guts out to turn it around. Turn it around I will though. My saving grace is that I'm self-employed and have the capacity to greatly increase my income without diversifying. My moneymaking tip to myself is. Don't take any MSEr's as customers .

supersavershal

Well its a very long time since I was writing in this diary! 3 years in fact.I have been using MSE all that time though.So to update, we are still in debt, but we are managing, paying just above the minimum payments on everything.OH stopped paying CSA in September and we used that money for driving lessons, hopefully he will have passed his test soon.
He is much more responsible with his money now, im not saying he is cured, he still likes his "toys" but only when we can afford them.Sometimes though I dont feel like we are getting anywhere paying these debts off, it never ends.And there is always something that we need that puts the budget in a mess.I have just registered with 2 nursing agencies on line, I am hoping that I can do extra shifts on my holidays etc and that money can go towards paying the debt off.I nearly fainted when I saw the rates of pay they are offering, apparantly because of my qualifications I am paid as a specialist.So I hope they take me on.
My eldest son is now in high school and the little one goes to school in september so now time to up my income.
Since I last posted here a lot has changed in the big world too, we have had the global financial crisis and there is not as much easy credit around.I managed to get a long 0% deal on one of my credit cards but after that I think I will struggle to get any more good deals, my credit rating is still really good but I have a high level of borrowing so I will just have to keep plodding on and maybe someday I will see a difference.

kdenty

I love your story and glad things have improved for you.

I too have one of these man-childs! They are really lovable but can drive you insane.

It took a lot of explaining to eventually get him to realise we don't have a bottomless pit with a money tree growing inside in the back garden and we had to stop buying stupid stuff (I do admit I was partly responsible too but I had my lightbulb moment earlier).

My OH now has pocket money!!! He still sometimes put stuff on Barclaycard and I go Ape if it's something frivalous.

He doesn't work now which is actually easier as where he worked his boss had things like, new BMW, big house, boat and I think he aspired to his bosses level of spending. His boss meanwhile gave him minimum wage! I'd like him to get a new job but he's a bit stuck right now as he did the same job all his life and hated it and isn't qualified for anything else.

I'm sure we will all get there in the end. Meanwhile if you hear on the news about a mad woman who buried her boyfriend under the empty money tree in the garden it's me!

TimBear

I came online tonight to post about this exact same issue and here this thread is!

I've read the whole thing and can really sympathise, Shal. My OH is exactly the same and it drives me to despair!

I've tried everything - I take his cards, give him pocket money, work out his budget for him, showed him an overpayment calculator - EVERYTHING I can think of and nothing works!

We earn a similar amount and I've worked hard to pay off my (relatively small) overdraft and loan and it feels fantastic. Now, I really want to help him clear his (rather large!!) overdraft and loan, which for the past 18 months roughly he's been asking me for help with.

He earns commission so his take home pay varies month to month and he knew that a few months ago he wouldn't earn any commission for the following month so we sat down on the pay day before where he HAD earned commission and I drew up a budget. This showed him that even after bill and loan payments he had enough spending money for the month ahead and the following month. He also did some work for a family member that month which was a bonus for him. However, he still managed to spend both months' spending money and the money from his relative. I was FUMING! He explained that the money from his relative was 'spare' money and therefore he would treat himself, where I see it as 'spare' money that wasn't budgeted for and not strictly needed so should be used to put against his overdraft or something/

It drives me mad that he asks for help and seems to have these moments of pure enthusiasm for it and seems so keen, yet he can still recklessly spend and the next week we're back to square one.

I even found old bank statements recently during a clear out which showed he's extended his overdraft by £1000 in the past year. It's beyond me!!

His new idea is that he's set up a eBay 'business' where he wants to buy things to sell them on at a profit. This I've told him I don't approve of as what if he loses money and it's money he can't afford to lose?! Selling old junk he already has is fine but this is completely different but he doesn't see it like this.

He has a debt payment finishing this month which will free up £200ish for him (of around £700 he currently pays a month on debts :eek:) and I'm hoping that he will see sense and use this to pay off his huge overdraft over the next few months. This alone will save him around £50 a month in interest which can then all be snowballed on to his loan and I'm hoping that he has his LBM soon properly so that he sees this and is keen to do it.

Sorry to go on but I don't know what else to do! This is the man I want to marry and buy a house with and I've even told him that if he carries on like this then we can't have that life together but even that doesn't seem to work (probably my fault because although I try to be strict, I do bail him out when he's in dire straits, so to speak, so he 'gets away with it').

Grrr, winds me up no end! Hmm, does feel a bit better to get this out though!

supersavershal

I sympathise with you timbear, there is light at the end of the tunnel.My OH has improved a little bit, he no longer wastes money behind my back and his blowouts now seem to be contained around christmas, birthdays and holidays.He still isnt completely on board with getting rid of the debts quickly and painfully.His outlook is that we can afford the repayments so why kill ourselves and " be miserable" trying to overpay and get rid of them quickly.I believe any extra money should be thrown at the debts in the hope of paying them off earlier.For example he had some backpay due in February £500, he wasted every penny on toys and games for him and the kids.
When I told my employer about joining the agency, as I needed a reference from them, they said they didnt think they could allow it.Im fuming, if it doesnt interfere with my work for them why should it matter.Ive told them to reconsider, they said I can up my hours with them but this isnt doable as working for the agency I wouldnt be tied to working certain shifts and could fit it around the children and they pay more money.Il ask them again and if they still say no I think I will have to take it to the union.
One more consideration is that I have not taken out a consolidation loan for 4 yrs, that is the longest I have ever gone, so one lesson is definitly sinking in.In the past I used to get a consolidation loan and then run my credit cards up again.I have learnt that doesnt work.

supersavershal

I bought some hayfever eyedrops from a well known supermarket a couple of days ago, when I got them home I noticed they were 3 months out of date. I took them back yesterday and was given a £5 voucher and my money back.
Have also just had a phonecall to say I have won a raffle, a basket of 120 cream eggs! Im on a diet can you believe that?
OH has been a good boy this week, no unnecessary spending but he did comment that he wont scrimp on spending on his holiday clothes! I was going to wear my holiday clothes from 2 years ago (If I can get into them).
I have been loving the nice weather, lots of line drying and not using the tumble dryer at all.My little one has chicken pox so stuck in the house at half term but they are loving playing all the games they forgot they had.I sold £100 of stuff on e-bay last month and that money bought games for the kids to play on and a pair of sandals for my holiday so no new spending just some recycling.
I also have enough recycling points from my bin to get us all a nice takeaway next week.

supersavershal

My goodness I cant believe its been so long since I posted in my diary.I have been lurking on mse and catching up on everyone elses journeys.
I have good and bad news!
Il start with the bad news, I have started to slip back into my previous bad habits.Ive used my credit cards over christmas, spent money on rubbish, stopped meal planning.Grocery shopping bills have gone massive again.
But that is why I am back here, it all stops now! I need to pay my debts off.
The good news is, I have just been promoted and will from February be increasing my hours to full time and will earn a little extra.Although I am increasing my hours I wont be a lot better off because I will no longer have unsociable hours payments and will have extra costs with childcare and petrol.My plan is that as I will be in work 9-5 most days, I will save because Im not here to spend money, I will need less clothes so a big Ebay stint coming on and I will have to stick to meal planning and shopping once a week.
I am determined to start clearing my debts starting with the smallest which is £117 to a mail order catalogue, I know I have debts with higher interest rates but I think I will find it easier to clear the smaller ones first.
OH is slightly better but he did make us go overdrawn last month by not keeping an eye on what was left in bank and using debit card, we are now getting charged £90 this month for that - most expensive gaming magazines ive ever seen.But this will be the last time we ever get charged again.He has been told not to use the debit card to withdraw the cash and when its gone its gone!
I know its late but happy new year everyone.

supersavershal

Its been a while again but I thought it was time to visit again.
I started my new job in February and im loving every minute of it, best thing I ever did.Im not sure if I mentioned it last time but Im also at college studying to be a counsellor, I dont think I will do it as my job but more to enhance the job that I am allready doing. Im really enjoying it and im finding it so interesting.Iv learnt a lot about myself and my behaviour and why I have a problem with not managing my finances.
Im still plugging away at the debts, Ive paid off one mail order and I only owe £60 off another, when they post their sales brochures to me now they go straight into the recycling bin.
Im now earning about £300 a month more but dont feel any better off, I never have any spare money as it all goes towards paying off our debts and there is still life to live and things to buy like school shoes, school trips etc.
We are very very slowly getting there but I still have about five years before we are debt free (unless we win the lottery).
Since working full time I have not been spending as much on shopping, before I would be at the supermarket about 3 times a week buying on impulse.
No holiday for us this year, we simply cannot afford it unless we put ourselves way back on our road to a debt free life.
Hope everyone is doing ok and I havnt bored you all to death, sometimes I just have to get my thoughts out there to clarify them.