Living with a hopeless spender.

Princess_Jane

My OH loves to buy bits and pieces on ebay, mostly for his car and the house.

So we try to be ebay neutral - we only buy when we have money in our Paypal account from selling stuff, mostly his super-size tshirts, which seem to go down really well in the US!

Why don't you try places like TK Maxx for suits? Or even Primark and dress it up with a snazzy tie?

oxondaemonfeurer

Hi SSS
I don't think I'll ever get the stage you are with your OH, we even had an arguement today because yesterday he promised that I could pick him up from work at half five and come home (rather than going to pub to 'chill out' as he does every night and then get bus home which means he doesn't get in until half eight) but has decided he's had a tough day at work and so won't be coming home at half five... I've told him just two nights a week would be good and perhaps then he won't be so tired/skint and would have time to look for other job but apparantly I'm using emotional blackmail! also, a few weeks ago I asked him if he had a certain day off. and if so could he pick up my son (his step son) from school - he reluctantly agreed but informed me today that he's swopped his day off and can't pick up my son so I either have to cancel my attendance at an important conferemce or beg my new childminder to have him and pay for that.... arghhhhhhhh
I'm just finishing off my masters and about to start my phd and am lucky that I have a bursary but that means I'm supposed to treat it like a 9-5 job which of course I can't as I have to do all the housework and run around after the OH.... I'm sure he doesn't respect that its the equivalent to a full time job and that actually I bring home more money than him!
I feel so tired!!!

keep it up sss:T

supersavershal

Ahh matureoxstudent, im sorry your OH is being so inconsiderate.
Mine still has his moments he has brought a dvd home from work today that will have to be paid for, hes in bed has been on nights so I cant challenge him yet.
Ive just done the shopping on line at tesco, managed to get a £12 off code from the vouchers board and with my £7.50 clubcard points mangaged to save a fair bit off this weeks shopping.I wont tell OH exactly what I have saved we allocate £80 for the shopping so il transfer the £19.50 to my e-saver.OH would have it spent if he knew Id saved anything.I dont think he will ever change his outlook towards money, I only hope the children listen to me and not him I would hate them to grow up and be in debt.

oxondaemonfeurer

it just infuriates me as he moans that I have to pay a childminder and yet feels it a chore to walk to school and pick up my son (about 15 mins each way) but often expects me to drive him to work (about 40-60 mins round trip just so that he can have 20 mins more in bed and save on bus fare...) and drive to pick up my stepdaughter everyother weekend which is a three hour round trip and then look after her whilst he's at work/pub! arghhh

amyandjon

hey sss, wheres the voucher board ?? im fed up today got weigh in tonight il be upset if i dont loose anything stayed the same last week its really bugging me im 1.5 pounds off 7 pounds star lol grrrrr xx

*recovering_spendaholic*

Hi, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My dh is a nightmare with money. He has improved over the years though, but only through my constant nagging and complaining at him, taking his bank cards, hiding money from him etc.

He has improved alot since he passed his driving test last year. Prior to that he used the bus, and it was a lottery as to what time/state he would come home. Usually late, and nearly always p*ssed.

Tbh, when I think about the way he used to behave i wonder why I ever stayed with him back then, but it's only now that things have improved that I see just how unreasonable his behaviour used to be. If he did that now, he would be out on his ear.

Anyway, I now give my dh pocket money. He gets £50 a week, which I pay him on his payday (£200 or £250 depending on the month) to pay for petrol to and from work (only a 4 mile round trip) and any other crap he wants (fags and beer). This month he was skint by about the 5th of August - payday is next Friday. I have had to put petrol in his car already and he will need more next week. Next month I'm giving him it fortnightly instead of monthly.

Despite my best efforts though, he believes that he should be able to 'have a life'. He doesn't seem to care that I have no money to spend on myself. If I want ANYTHING I have to budget it out of my shopping money. I'm currently trying to shop on a shoestring in order to have some spending money for our week in Cornwall.

He is, by nature, a very selfish creature. I think it is unreasonable that he should expect to have so much spare cash for himself, but he thinks he should have more! I have tried everything in the past that I could think of, and so far this works best for us.

Anyway, I sympathise with anybody who has a partner like this!

supersavershal

amyandjon wrote: »

hey sss, wheres the voucher board ?? im fed up today got weigh in tonight il be upset if i dont loose anything stayed the same last week its really bugging me im 1.5 pounds off 7 pounds star lol grrrrr xx

Amy you need to look around these boards a bit more, there is a discount codes and vouchers board and they have a specific thread dedicated to tesco codes.Ive not had to pay delivery costs for the last 6 months.
I put a lb on, ive explained on the SW red/green thread.I have lost my routine with the children off school.

supersavershal

matureoxstudent wrote: »

it just infuriates me as he moans that I have to pay a childminder and yet feels it a chore to walk to school and pick up my son (about 15 mins each way) but often expects me to drive him to work (about 40-60 mins round trip just so that he can have 20 mins more in bed and save on bus fare...) and drive to pick up my stepdaughter everyother weekend which is a three hour round trip and then look after her whilst he's at work/pub! arghhh

You need to lay the law down and go on strike for a week then he will see exactly how much you do.I think these OH take things for granted until they have to do it for themselves.My OH doesnt drive and is always moaning for me to take him here there and everywhere, usually places where it is really difficult to park or where I have to pay the parking.

amyandjon

how do i get to the old school board that people talk of i got there but got lost :S

supersavershal

*recovering_spendaholic* wrote: »

Hi, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My dh is a nightmare with money. He has improved over the years though, but only through my constant nagging and complaining at him, taking his bank cards, hiding money from him etc.

He has improved alot since he passed his driving test last year. Prior to that he used the bus, and it was a lottery as to what time/state he would come home. Usually late, and nearly always p*ssed.

Tbh, when I think about the way he used to behave i wonder why I ever stayed with him back then, but it's only now that things have improved that I see just how unreasonable his behaviour used to be. If he did that now, he would be out on his ear.

Anyway, I now give my dh pocket money. He gets £50 a week, which I pay him on his payday (£200 or £250 depending on the month) to pay for petrol to and from work (only a 4 mile round trip) and any other crap he wants (fags and beer). This month he was skint by about the 5th of August - payday is next Friday. I have had to put petrol in his car already and he will need more next week. Next month I'm giving him it fortnightly instead of monthly.

Despite my best efforts though, he believes that he should be able to 'have a life'. He doesn't seem to care that I have no money to spend on myself. If I want ANYTHING I have to budget it out of my shopping money. I'm currently trying to shop on a shoestring in order to have some spending money for our week in Cornwall.

He is, by nature, a very selfish creature. I think it is unreasonable that he should expect to have so much spare cash for himself, but he thinks he should have more! I have tried everything in the past that I could think of, and so far this works best for us.

Anyway, I sympathise with anybody who has a partner like this!

totally agree with the pocket money thing.Glad im not the only one, it wont ever change I just manage it these days however I can.I wouldnt leave him over it because there are so many other things he is wonderful at, I do love him he just infuriates me.