Living with a hopeless spender.

oxondaemonfeurer

Hi SSS,

one day I feel progress is being made, the next its not... what a see-saw of life!

I suggested to my OH that each month he gives me an extra £50 and I'll match it and put it into an entertainment fund to pay for gigs and concerts and festivals and the 40th birthday party his mate is planning abroad next week and he agreed! lets just see how it pans out on payday though...

He is also moaning everyday at the moment about his work and this week I have to finish my dissertation and so yesterday after a 10 hour stint on it at uni and over an hour if him going on about it I snapped and told him to use this negative energy and bloody do something about it! I think he wants me to tell him he can quit etc but I won't! he can bloody well get another job and then leave! even told him he could work in a factory etc as unless he wants to go back to what he is trained for he won't get great wages but we can't afford for him not to work... he also mentioned that someone had told him it was great I was living my dream but not to forget his as if he was supporting me! ha! anyway, a few hours later, after I had a nice bath and he'd moaned at how I spoke to him it was pretty much back to normal...

I've been really good too, been writing down all my spending and its a shock how much the house costs even with me being tight but I have to admit I have spent a little more this week in Uni as I am just trying to get this thing done and handed in!

Ooh and I have two mystery shopping things lined up(my first!) so I'm looking forward to that...

keep your chin up and have fun at the wedding!!!

supersavershal

Ive had a sore knee for a few weeks now, its been coming and going.I have been in work for four nights (ten hour shifts) and today its been killing me.I can hardly weight bear on it, ive had too because OH is in work and I have the children to look after and a 1yr old takes some running around after.
Im sat now with it up on a stoole, its so painful, I dont know what to do.OH wants me to go to the docs but I am reluctant because I am overweight and I know he will put it all down to that and I have to work, I havnt had a day off sick in 3 years, I worked until I was 37weeks pregnant.
I think Il dose myself up with painkillers and see how I go on.
Sorry for moaning im feeling sorry for myself.

annamc75

Re the knee - have you tried ibuprofin gel and an elasticated support for it.
Like you I am overweight and my joints suffer for it but I find that this really works.

Anna x

oxondaemonfeurer

I know you don't want to, but I think you should go to the doctor SSS, or, if you have any places like osteopaths/chiropractors near by that offer free/cheap sessions go to one of those. It may be down to your weight (I'm too heavy too but hey, one thing at a time - lol!) but you are still in pain and I bet you are compensating for it by twisting/walking lopsided etc so soon you'll feel it elsewhere...

Our legs have to carry at least 3/4 of our weight and our feet carry it all so these are the two that we need to try and look after, ibu gel (tesco do a good own brand one) and ibruprofen tablets will ease the inflamation and help with the pain though and you could always get OH to massage it when he gets home!

take care hon
x

supersavershal

Thanks anna and matureoxstudent, knee is still bad today, will try the gel (It must be better than the smelly ralgex OH gave me).
Have been shopping for the wedding outfit today I got a pretty dress and a little cardigan to go over it, I have some almost new shoes that will go.
I had to buy some new bras, I have been wearing a 40D and apparantly I am a 46B, so have been wearing the wrong size.I havnt been measured for about ten years, so i bought 4 new bras to start with and I have put a further 3 bras on watch on e-bay, that will be one for each day of the week.
OH bought himself a new jacket, he has loads but he "really, needed" this one.
He has just come home from work, said he was vomiting - I can understand that but why if he has a vomiting bug is he talking in a quiet, weak voice, is it so Il feel sorry for him??men eh.
I think my knee problem is down to my weight I really must get back into my
slimming world.Ive let it slip with the school holidays and all that.

rose11

I have similar problems with my boyfriend, I'm a saver he's a spender. I must admit he is getting abit better, I think he's seen what can happen if you spend to much etc. But even though I keep going on trying to explain, its sometimes like it takes a while for him to see what I'm saying. Its like we go one step forward, 2 back sometimes.I've more or less took over the money, but even though he didn't mind, he still sometimes wont do what I say. Hope that makes sense.

supersavershal

rose11 wrote: »

I have similar problems with my boyfriend, I'm a saver he's a spender. I must admit he is getting abit better, I think he's seen what can happen if you spend to much etc. But even though I keep going on trying to explain, its sometimes like it takes a while for him to see what I'm saying. Its like we go one step forward, 2 back sometimes.I've more or less took over the money, but even though he didn't mind, he still sometimes wont do what I say. Hope that makes sense.

it totally makes sense rose.Im usually quite good with money but can be known to go crazy now and again and my OH is a bad infulence, he always convinces me to buy things, I try not to shop with him any more, he is getting better but he still has his moments.
I have a savings account that he knows nothing about, it was a tip my mother gave me to always have my own stash of money tucked away.

oxondaemonfeurer

arghh another row with Oh about him moaning on and on about his work - he KNOWS I had to finish my dissertation today and still rang up twice to maon and then when I got home after tesco etc at half eight he wasn't home, I started making dinner and in he walked 15 mins later and started on about work again so after 15 mins I said could we leave that now and he went mental! apparantly I don't support him or emphathise and so I shouted back and stormed out! I called and apologised for way I spoke and basically he said he didn't give a s**t and eventually when I got home he was all shirty, went to bed so I started sorting my dissertation which was obviously all wrong but he won't tell me what he wants me to do - said he needs to figure out what he wants, needs to have 'me' time and apparantly his mum told him 5 months ago that he shoudl think about himself... arghhhhhhhh

I'm downstairs printing and debating whether to sleep in my sons room tonight..... bloody men:mad:

TriciaE

Hi all, just wanted to post to give you all some hope !

When I met dh 20 years ago I was a divorcee with 2 under fives but managing the mortgage & working, never ever been in debt in my life. He earned buckets, spent buckets & treated me like a princess, only fly in the ointment was I suspected he wasn't keen on 2 sprogs but he denied this. After he moved in I thought things would change....did they heck, still wanted nights out with the boys, happy to pay the interest on cards ignoring the real balance, always ducked out of looking after the kids leaving it to my Mum BUT he loved me & was lovely to me....sound familiar ?

Once he'd been living with me for around 6 months I realised that sniping at him wasn't going to work & ultimately he is a manly guy & so another strategy was used to full effect i.e talking to him about the finances in a 'sharing' way. Yes, I took charge of finances but told him in an excited manner every step of the way what 'WE' had paid off & how much quicker I think 'WE' could get there and how much spare cash we would have once 'WE' paid the debts off. I have always stashed cash away & would excitedly produce some for a treat for 'us' now and then & eventually he took the bait of 'competition' and started doing the same. It got to the stage where we would laugh about where our stashes were hidden. Don't get me wrong, I avoided clothes shopping at all costs because he loved (still does) his designer clothes & it would make him grumpy but I never bought clothes more than twice a year & hate shopping so it was easy to steer clear of temptation & felt a real treat when we did it.

Wind forward 20 years & yes, I still control the money but it's what I have always done & like doing but we never spend anything without discussing it, it's second nature. We have paid our mortgage off, have a place abroad but still have our stashes, in fact my last stash was 3 years worth and I bought him a rolex, he was like an excited kid & it was sooo worth it but tbh he could have bought himself one with less than a month's wages, that's not to boast, that's to highlight how fantastic it is when you are finally in tune with eachother and really appreciate saving for what you want.

We rarely go out for meals, can afford to but kids are now gone, house is ours, we always buy special picky bits for a friday night and chat in to the wee small hours, dance in the kitchen....oooh and some more now the kids are gone, lol, so what is actually the point in going out anyway ? I used to buy picky bits from Marks or waitrose but am saving for a new bathroom so back to having fun with savings & we laugh about how cheap it is to do some spanish potatoes with mayo, chopped sausages with relish, dairly lea on toasted bread cut in to dainty pieces with the end green shreds of spring onion...cost about £3, compared to olives, fancy serano ham, pre prepared tapas dishes etc for about £12.

Oops, I've gone on slightly, sorry, but the secret is to find a way to let them be a man, it's a game, dh knows it but agrees it doesn't matter, it works but there needs to be some serious soul searching for some of you to decide whether your man is actually worth it. I don't want to sound harsh but if after a couple of years they are still going down the pub & in the case of step fathers, not making inroads in to gelling your family together then you need to give them an ultimatum, not just for your sake but for your children's too.

oxondaemonfeurer

well, I eventually gave in to tiredness and went to bed at about half one, I also bit my tongue and went to bed in our bed - turns out oh has moody as he'd really hurt his big toe on way home from work and it looks like its broken but of course he didn't bloody tell me that! so around 3am this morning I was strapping it after putting on ibru gel and administering pain relief - we were both pretty awake and chatted like proper grown ups without accusing each other etc so by around 5am we were best friends again, tired but back to being us... I think one of our problems is we are both stubborn people with our won minds and have not yet learned how to cope with others stresses effectively....

On the dissertation front, its now ready to be bound and handed in! whoo hoo!!!!! oh and I may have a cool part time job to go alongside my phd - will find out for sure middle of sept so I'll be stashing that cash away for my debts!

Have a good day everyone!