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duchy

heuchera wrote: »

Sounds like you'd enjoy it.. just beware of the dodgy types!

A colleague of mine worked in a bar and said one of the regulars offered to (and I quote) bend her over the table and show her a good time :eek::rotfl: Definitely not a job for someone who can't handle "banter" .. and more!

Any female who has worked in a bar will hear something off colour at one point or another. The thing to remember is that a regular who steps out of line like that will get a hard time from the other regulars who are quite protective of "their" staff and second that person goes very thirsty as when they go to the bar they will be served last or if no-one else waiting the staff will disappear into the beer cellar or go on a glasses run or whatever. It's unspoken but inevitable..

duchy

Jackzzz wrote: »

I just thought of an idea... I could look for a shared house and move into that? A home with 5 or 6 people living in it, all of them have jobs but they live together because it's cheaper.

That way I will always have people around me to socialise with. I'm sure that a house of 5 are likely to go out together sometimes as well. house mates soon become friends right?

If you work from home would you find other people around you disruptive ? What about if one was on a day off or worked shift and wanted their music on loud when you were working ? Or had noisy friends round in your working hours.
Could you really share a bathroom again ? How tolerant would you be to getting up ready to start work to discover one of your flatmates had taken the last of the milk or cereal so you had to run to the shops before you could have a coffee let alone start work ?
Did you share a flat at uni ? How did you get on with it ? If you didn't - why not ?

I've shared flats - and in some instances everyone got on brilliantly and did socialize sometimes- other shares people just stuck to their own rooms and really didn't have anything much to do with each other. Flat sharing can be quite a lottery -one person leaves and their replacement can change the dynamic completely either from good to bad or vice versa.Good friends tend to get flats together rather than find each other in flatshares. There's no guarantees .

Once you live alone it's a huge step to return to commual living - especially when you also work from home so have no escape.

(I think you've been watching Friends )


How about getting on facebook right now and finding out what your uni friends are doing now and who knows you could very soon have plans to catch up with one or more of them face to face. Same goes for old school friends too.

mark55man

if you are well off enough, you could try some presentation / media training. Normally business funded so more expensive than consumer. This will help you overcome your mountain of initiating conversation - for many people its not even a molehill

That should give you the confidence to get off the ground - and give you some confidence in any interviews should you choose to go back to work. Successful ForEx trading is not trivial (and don't underestimate it)

Jackzzz

duchy wrote: »

If you work from home would you find other people around you disruptive ? What about if one was on a day off or worked shift and wanted their music on loud when you were working ? Or had noisy friends round in your working hours.
Could you really share a bathroom again ? How tolerant would you be to getting up ready to start work to discover one of your flatmates had taken the last of the milk or cereal so you had to run to the shops before you could have a coffee let alone start work ?
Did you share a flat at uni ? How did you get on with it ? If you didn't - why not ?

I've shared flats - and in some instances everyone got on brilliantly and did socialize sometimes- other shares people just stuck to their own rooms and really didn't have anything much to do with each other. Flat sharing can be quite a lottery -one person leaves and their replacement can change the dynamic completely either from good to bad or vice versa.

Once you live alone it's a huge step to return to commual living - especially when you also work from home so have no escape.

(I think you've been watching Friends )

I really enjoyed uni accommodation and lived in halls. I have no issues sharing facilities with people as long as they're not dirty people... 3 years of uni I lived with people and while not the tidiest of people, we were clean.

The great thing about trading is all you need is a laptop, I can trade anywhere.. Some mornings I just go sit in Costa for an hour trading... It would not bother me if my house mates had music on, just as long as people are considerate of others.

As I said I'd only move into a house share with others who work, so most days they'll be at work. Besides even if it was a nightmare I could just move out, might be worth a shot though.

duchy

Jackzzz wrote: »

I really enjoyed uni accommodation and lived in halls. I have no issues sharing facilities with people as long as they're not dirty people... 3 years of uni I lived with people and while not the tidiest of people, we were clean.

The great thing about trading is all you need is a laptop, I can trade anywhere.. Some mornings I just go sit in Costa for an hour trading... It would not bother me if my house mates had music on, just as long as people are considerate of others.

As I said I'd only move into a house share with others who work, so most days they'll be at work. Besides even if it was a nightmare I could just move out, might be worth a shot though.

It's definitely worth thinking about as part of the solution ......(although I wouldn't want to go back to sharing a bathroom personally ) but I still think you need to look outwards rather than inwards -and look for social opportunities outside the home.

A friend of mine (who isn't especially religious - believes in God but isn't devout or anything) reckons checking out local churches are a good in to getting to know people in new areas . Just throwing that in as a random idea

Jackzzz

duchy wrote: »

It's definitely worth thinking about as part of the solution ......(although I wouldn't want to go back to sharing a bathroom personally ) but I still think you need to look outwards rather than inwards -and look for social opportunities outside the home.

A friend of mine (who isn't especially religious - believes in God but isn't devout or anything) reckons checking out local churches are a good in to getting to know people in new areas . Just throwing that in as a random idea

I'm totally ok with this because a Church is a perfectly ok place to go alone. It's being alone in an environment that's typically populated with groups that scares me.

Bars
Restaurants
Holiday locations
Cinemas
Etc

Even shopping can sometimes be miserable by yourself because you can't get an opinion on what you're buying. I guess you can ask the staff but

Bogof_Babe

Sounds to me like you are something of a workaholic, even burying yourself in your laptop in a coffee shop. You might be unconsciously putting out "do not disturb me" signals. Try leaving the laptop at home and just do some people watching while you have your drink. Also do you have a friendly, approachable expression on your face, or do you appear to be frowning, or totally wrapped up in your thoughts?

Have you looked on Facebook to see whether any of your old Uni mates are on there? Who knows where a simple "friend request" could lead?

Jackzzz

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Sounds to me like you are something of a workaholic, even burying yourself in your laptop in a coffee shop. You might be unconsciously putting out "do not disturb me" signals. Try leaving the laptop at home and just do some people watching while you have your drink. Also do you have a friendly, approachable expression on your face, or do you appear to be frowning, or totally wrapped up in your thoughts?

Have you looked on Facebook to see whether any of your old Uni mates are on there? Who knows where a simple "friend request" could lead?

Thanks for your reply. I do have a "populated" Facebook with all my friends from high school and uni on there but like I said before, they've all moved on. Some of them have families and my uni friends came from far and wide to my university so it's not like they're all centrally located.

I live in London and only one of my flat mates was from London, the others were from other places in the UK. If they all lived in the same area then I'd message them and see if they wanted a catch up. Still it's been 6 years since I last saw them so would just be more awkward than anything.

I'm not sure if I am a workaholic but if I'm eating lunch or having a coffee I'll almost always be on my laptop or reading the paper or a book. I just don't enjoy being "idle" unless I can idle with someone, otherwise it's just awkward?

redlaces

OP, I can really sympathise with your situation - I'm also 27 and as a result of a relationship breakdown I found myself living and working in a different city to anyone I knew, and with no funds to move anywhere else I had to start from scratch in terms of building up a social network. I also regarded myself as shy and not much of a conversationalist and so really felt uncomfortable seeking out people and social situations, and converting acquaintances into friendships was difficult for me... so I can definitely see where you are coming from!

Fast forward a couple of years and I definitely feel like I'm established in my new inadvertent hometown, from my experience of doing just this, the best tip I can give you is to try all the hobbies you can think of and that interest you. Make a commitment to do something three nights a week if this works. Ask people if they fancy a pint after the class/training session. Somewhere along the line you will end up meeting people you get on with.

Sports teams and clubs in particular have very social aspects that are easy to involve yourself with and there is always something to talk about... like which race you are running next and how you are training, we got hammered by that team last week didn't we, did you see the football match at the weekend? All of this will lead naturally onto other conversation. If you have two hobbies or sports you can talk about one when out with the other one! You can always ask people if they want to train with you between club meets, if the thought of going for a pint and having full-on conversation would be too scary. I found a really friendly running club last year and haven't looked back since, I developed a whole new social circle from it!

Eat out on your own. Plenty of people do this on business. Just take a phone or a book. Added bonus: you don't have to quibble or compromise on which restaurant to go to

Holiday on your own. It is so liberating. Take a trip to somewhere in Europe to start with and stay in hostels - these often have common areas which have board or card games, just ask someone if they fancy playing with you and voilà! And you can ask people about their travels, this is a great way to find out things you have in common, share tips, even plan future trips and meetups! You never know, you may meet someone from the same area as you back home... (has happened to me before, I met someone from the same village!)

Do you learn or speak any languages? Language exchanges take place regularly and are all about talking to people, and are a good way to practise!

Honestly, there are so many people out there to meet. Eventually it will click into place.

duchy

You live in the city most people visit from time to time and many move to new jobs in London.......however you are coming across as not being interested in people unless they can do something for you.

To have a friend you have to be a friend. Sounds trite but it's also true.

Do you really have no interest in what people you were friends with and lived with for three years are doing now ? Or are you afraid they won't be interested in you ?

Distance really doesn't matter. I spent a weekend in New York with American friends five years ago -we haven't seen each other since but kept up on facebook. They have young families -I don't but we met up again a few months ago and drove from Salt Lake City to Vegas for a girl's break. Had you seen us together you'd never have thought it was five years since we saw each other. Just because they aren't local or have families and you are single doesn't mean you can't have worthwhile friendships.

I'm a Londoner if I was single or newly moved to the city I'd be signed up to meet up like a shot. I wouldn't at the beginning do the dinner party type events but I'd do the more doing type activities.
I'd sign up for the London social walks, I'd join the culture seekers group (everything from getting into groups for treasure hunts, to board game evenings to cultural visits ) -I rather like the look of the fill my weekend group -everything unusual - I quite fancy the indoor skydiving day , the theatre group has a huge programme of shows to go and see as a group, ....there's shedloads of stuff.
No-one will think it's odd you are alone - most people will be too. Some will be Londoners others will be new to the city and building a social life.

It's all there - you just need to step out of your self imposed fortress and give it a try. What's the worst that could happen ?