Uncles Interfering Friend What To Do About It?

Mojisola

bluelass wrote: »

He is a selfish stupid man.

Unless he has been like this all his life, it may a sign of dementia.

My friend cleans for an elderly couple and hates the weeks that the wife will be out when she goes there because the husband is always trying to touch her and saying things that make her uncomfortable.

He wasn't like this when he was younger - it happens sometimes when the brain starts to go.

thorsoak

Instead of suggesting 24 hour care for uncle, I would suggest that your aunt goes on holiday for a fortnight on her own, and that your cousins leave him to his own devices. Then you can see how well he can cope.

After all, someone is going to have to pay for his 24 hour care........

seven-day-weekend

I'm not excusing your uncle's behaviour, but he is absolutely right in saying he doesn't need 24 hour care!!

enthusiasticsaver

It does not sound as if your uncle needs 24 hour nursing care but equally your aunt is at liberty to say she cannot cope with him any more. Personally I would let your uncle go and live with his friend. You cannot make him go into care particularly if he is not bad enough for that.

Person_one

So we have an uncle who can't look after himself and definitely needs to go into a care home but takes himself to the pub in a taxi and tricks the bar staff into fondling his bits.

An aunt who can't possibly cope with the physical demands of caring for this physically able 6ft plus heavy man but also manages to lift him from sitting entirely on her own against his will.

Then a niece, who doesn't live there and sees them rarely but is given daily phone updates on everything that is happening that she immediately shares on a public moneysaving message board.

Ok then.

seven-day-weekend

Person_one wrote: »

So we have an uncle who can't look after himself and definitely needs to go into a care home but takes himself to the pub in a taxi and tricks the bar staff into fondling his bits.

An aunt who can't possibly cope with the physical demands of caring for this physically able 6ft plus heavy man but also manages to lift him from sitting entirely on her own against his will.

Then a niece, who doesn't live there and sees them rarely but is given daily phone updates on everything that is happening that she immediately shares on a public moneysaving message board.

Ok then.

I must admit I found it a bit unbelievable that some woman in a pub would take him to the toilet in such an intimate fashion. They might help him to get to and from the cubicle but I don't think they would do anything else, especially as a man could do it for him.

peachyprice

bluelass wrote: »

How?. By pretending he cant toilet himself so he gets some physical contact from another woman, telling a pub landlord he isn't being fed and making my aunt run herself ragged when he was capable all along. And you think he is in the right?. He is a selfish stupid man. And the lady who helped with toileting him must feel ashamed of herself now and wonder if he is some kind of perv, I think I would.

He may be all of those things and more, but nothing that you have just written means he needs to go into a care home.

Poppie68

Why do you feel the need to get involved or interfere? Leave it to his wife and kids to deal with, it's none of your business...

That being said this story is getting more bizarre each time you post, just like your other stories... I think this is most probably just another character in your troll diaries...

jackyann

Mojisola wrote: »

Unless he has been like this all his life, it may a sign of dementia.

My friend cleans for an elderly couple and hates the weeks that the wife will be out when she goes there because the husband is always trying to touch her and saying things that make her uncomfortable.

He wasn't like this when he was younger - it happens sometimes when the brain starts to go.

Mojisola - as I'm sure you know, if your friend is with an agency, thy have procedures to follow, and training to help your friend deal with these, not uncommon situations.

However, I have known many informal arrangements that began when the couple were working, and has just continued, so your friend may feel a historical obligation. I have known more than one elderly couple whose cleaner, with no training whatsoever, has effectively become their carer, because they prefer someone they know.

Mojisola

jackyann wrote: »

Mojisola - as I'm sure you know, if your friend is with an agency, thy have procedures to follow, and training to help your friend deal with these, not uncommon situations.

However, I have known many informal arrangements that began when the couple were working, and has just continued, so your friend may feel a historical obligation. I have known more than one elderly couple whose cleaner, with no training whatsoever, has effectively become their carer, because they prefer someone they know.

No, she's self-employed. She puts up with the 'attention' because she knows it's the illness rather than his nature and she is very fond of the wife.

As you do in these situations, she has learned techniques to keep him at bay and stop things getting too unpleasant.