Uncles Interfering Friend What To Do About It?

bluelass

I hope everyone on here had a nice Christmas and have a good 2016. Ok over the xmas period my family have had some consternation with a man who tells us he is a close friend of my elderly uncle. My uncle is 81 and for the last 4 years has been getting bad on his feet and cant walk very far. Recently he has been refusing to take his medications which include chlesterol and blood pressure tablets ad is getting aggressive and forgetful. He is a big man over 6ft and heavy and my aunt who is 78 could not provide care for him if he could not move or walk around the house. My aunt and my cousins have been advised he needs to move into 24 hour care and have looked at some local care homes to find the right one. However my uncle goes out for a drink twice a week and has made friends with a man about 10 or so years younger than himself and my uncle has told him that they want to put him in a home. On xmas eve I was visiting my aunt and my cousins were there too. This friend of my uncles knocked on the door and told us all we are bad for making him go into a home and had a go at us all. One of my cousins told him to leave and my aunt told us that it isn't the first time he has been to the house. This man has told my aunt if she puts my uncle into care he will protest at the home staff and will even call social services because he doesn't think my uncle is ill enough and we just want him out of the way. On new years day he went round again and said if and when my uncle goes in a home he will take him out and not return him there. The man has phoned age concern and my aunt has had a social worker call round regarding allegations made. My oldest cousin (44) has called age concern back to tell them the situation regarding this man. And we have now found out my uncle has told him he doesn't want to go in care. What can be done here?. My aunt has been told next time the man calls round to tell him to go and if he refuses to call the police. My uncle needs to go in care but is trying to get this person to have it stopped.

VfM4meplse

What a horrible situation.

It comes down to what your uncle actually wants, and whether he is thought to be in a lucid state of mind, or another person holds power of attorney. It does appear that his wishes are not bring fully listened to.

His drinking buddy is merely a pimple on the a*s of this problem - an irritation that is making a bad situation worse.

shiny76

This may be of interest to you:
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/libertycentral/2010/sep/09/harassment-warning-fair-hearing

peachyprice

The fact of the matter is, unless your uncle is incapacitated nobody can force him into going into a home against his will, it sounds to me as if nobody is listening to his wishes not to go and he feels this friend is the only person on his side. Perhaps he'd be more receptive of the idea of a day care centre and a rearrangement of the home at this stage?

To be fair all his friend is seeing is a man who is 'only' 10 years older than him, is well enough to go out drinking twice a week and whose family is trying to put him in a home against his wishes, he probably feels somebody needs to stand up for your uncle. Might it be easier to work with this friend to get your uncle to see he needs some for of help rather than banishing him and making it look like your uncle's suspicions are correct?

RAS

Has your uncle had an assessment under the Mental Capacity Act? If that decided that he is capable of making his own decisions no-one can force him to go into a care home.

If the assessment concluded that he is not capable of looking after himself, not able to be looked after at home and lacks capacity to make his own decision, then the decision can be made by those who have been designated.

Who has power of attorney?

euronorris

Have you had a care & support needs assessment done? Unless you have missed out a lot of detail, it sounds like your uncle could benefit from a daily carer visit and some mobility aids. Going into full time care, unless he so chooses, seems like a drastic option.

bluelass

My uncle was assessed by social services after they were contacted by his GP. He is getting worse on his feet and confused and their is no way my aunt could manage him. He now refuses his meds and I was informed last sunday he is refusing to eat.

peachyprice

But has he been assessed as mentally incapacitated? If he hasn't he can't be forced into a care home just because your aunt can't manage him.

RAS

bluelass wrote: »

My uncle was assessed by social services after they were contacted by his GP. He is getting worse on his feet and confused and their is no way my aunt could manage him. He now refuses his meds and I was informed last sunday he is refusing to eat.

So aunt needs to contact both the GP and social services and ask for a re-assessment. She needs to stick to - refuses to take medication, refuses to eat. Avoid any emotional stuff.

If they decide that he needs residential care, ask social services to organise it AND make sure they know about the friend.

If he is regarded as still having capacity, then no-one can force him into a care home.

I am not trying to be awkward but I had the joys of this sort of stuff for several years so know how difficult it is.

Both the GP and social services will be obliged to tell him that aunt has been in touch which is why she needs to stick to facts not opinions.

Robin9

To repeat a question earlier

Who has Power of Attorney for your uncle (and for your aunt) ?

LilElvis

bluelass wrote: »

He is a big man over 6ft and heavy and my aunt who is 78 could not provide care for him if he could not move or walk around the house......However my uncle goes out for a drink twice a week .

So, your aunt would not be able to care for him if his condition worsens, which implies that she is coping at the moment. Could in home care be sourced to assist her, or your cousins do more? That he is able to go out alone at least twice a week does not sound like someone who is incapacitated to the degree that he needs 24 hour care.

bluelass wrote: »

My aunt and my cousins have been advised he needs to move into 24 hour care

Who told them this?