Uncles Interfering Friend What To Do About It?

Pollycat

Person_one wrote: »

Why would she lift him if he's capable of walking but just refuses? I thought you said earlier that he was over 6 foot and that she couldn't lift him?

A very good question.

Gavin83

Mojisola wrote: »

Re going to the pub - there were several men in my Dad's care home who went to a local pub a couple of times a week. Other people from the home still went out to club meetings and church services on their own.

Maybe so but there are several variables here. To keep it simple in order for the uncle to be placed into care against his wishes he needs to be considered as unable to make decisions for himself. As someone who is able to go out by himself and discuss the current situation with a friend I'd say this is unlikely.

bluelass wrote: »

Thank god someone is seeing my aunts side of the situation. My uncle is very domineering somedays he refuses to walk and she has had to lift him as he refuses a wheelchair or walking frame.

I'm not on anyones side here, I'm just being honest. From what has been written on here your uncle won't be going into care anytime soon unless he agrees to it. Therefore your aunt has the same options as any couple where one is causing issues.

You just really need to accept that a care home placement isn't an option.

Mojisola

bluelass wrote: »

I have been told my uncle wants to live with this man. My cousins work full time and have mortgages so couldn't become carers for him. Uncle shouts out for my aunt a few times every night but does it for nothing to see if he can get attention and she is exhausted.

bluelass wrote: »

My uncle is very domineering somedays he refuses to walk and she has had to lift him as he refuses a wheelchair or walking frame.

Rather than him going into a home, perhaps your aunt should have a week away somewhere and see how he manages without her.

If he needs (rather than wants) attention and help, get the social worker to arrange carers for that week.

bluelass

Person_one wrote: »

Why would she lift him if he's capable of walking but just refuses? I thought you said earlier that he was over 6 foot and that she couldn't lift him?

She has to get her hands under his armpits and lift that way. He is doing this for attention not because he cant.

Person_one

bluelass wrote: »

She has to get her hands under his armpits and lift that way. He is doing this for attention not because he cant.

She must be incredibly strong!

Mojisola

bluelass wrote: »

My uncle is very domineering somedays he refuses to walk and she has had to lift him as he refuses a wheelchair or walking frame.

She doesn't. She can walk out of the house if necessary or phone a relative or friend or call their social worker and explain how she just can't cope with being his carer.

seven-day-weekend

Whilst feeling very sorry for your aunt if her husband is being awkward about his care needs (insisting she lifts him etc), if he has the capability to make his own decisions, can go to the pub, discuss his situation with his friend etc, then that is a situation for the family to sort out, not just hive him off into a care home against his wishes (even if that were possible).

If he does not need lifting, and can do it himself, why does she lift him?

And if he is just being an awkward old cuss, why don't the family have a stern word with him about how it is affecting his wife's help?

Pollycat

bluelass wrote: »

She has to get her hands under his armpits and lift that way. He is doing this for attention not because he cant.

Person_one wrote: »

Why would she lift him if he's capable of walking but just refuses? I thought you said earlier that he was over 6 foot and that she couldn't lift him?

Bluelass
You've not answered the question.
Person_one asked 'why' your Aunt lifts him if he's capable of walking - not how.

Please answer the question.

Mupette

Pollycat wrote: »

Bluelass
You've not answered the question.
Person_one asked 'why' your Aunt lifts him if he's capable of walking - not how.

Please answer the question.

Have we not learned our lessons on her last threads, she feeds a little information, blanks others, unless someone shows an interest she won't respond.

bluelass

I cant be on here every hour of every day. As I have already tried to get across on here my uncle is very stubborn and demanding. If my aunt didn't lift or attend to him he would start shouting and is worried she would be seen as neglecting him.