Uncles Interfering Friend What To Do About It?

Brighton_belle

Buttonmoons wrote: »

Not exactly - I work in a Very sheltered housing complex and we assist with washing & dressing, showers, baths, meals and we do all medication if the person is unable to do so themselves.

They are usually made up into blister pop packets from the chemist, although some residents can be on level 3 medication and again we do those too, just requires signing more sheets.

We have residents with dementia, it's basically when individuals are unable to toilet themselves they have to move on, or need a more secure place to live as they are confused / wandering.

We provide a 3 course lunch everyday - not everyone goes, they are charged for it of course, however its reasonable and relatives can opt to be told if their relative has went/ eaten etc.

We don't order meals in, or do washing unless someone has had an accident then we will take their things away to wash, there is washing machines & tumbles on site though.

Personally from the description the Uncle doesn't require a care home at all at the minute, but sheltered housing would probably be benficial especially if the family cannot cope.

Sounds like there are different definition of sheltered housing and care homes depending on area. Having recently extensively researched for members of our family, sheltered housing in their area was just having your own flat with a warden on tap who would ring family if there was any concern but not much else apart form property maintenance. The extensive services you are offering is what we would get from a care or nursing home only.


I can see how different names for the same/different things has caused confusion

bluelass

Right. My uncle lives less than one mile from the pub and has to get a cab there and back because he cannot walk it. On Monday evening the man went round to the house again and one of my cousins was there and she telephoned for the police. The man has been told he must not go round to my aunt and uncles home again and to keep out of a private matter which does not concern him and this will be listed on his record that he has received such warning if he did try to do it again. However he and my uncle can still have a drink together providing he does not do this again. If he did he was told he is at risk of prosecution or being locked up. And it was a social worker from the local hospital elderly services dept who recommended my uncle should receive 24 hour care. SS became involved after uncle was taken by ambulance twice for falls.

tea_lover

Does your uncle want his friend to be able to come to his house? Sounds very harsh if he does, and the one person who is actually listening to him is now being prevented from visiting.

A lot of 80+yr olds couldn't walk a mile (and a lot could), doesn't mean they need 24hr care.

suki1964

bluelass wrote: »

Right. My uncle lives less than one mile from the pub and has to get a cab there and back because he cannot walk it. On Monday evening the man went round to the house again and one of my cousins was there and she telephoned for the police. The man has been told he must not go round to my aunt and uncles home again and to keep out of a private matter which does not concern him and this will be listed on his record that he has received such warning if he did try to do it again. However he and my uncle can still have a drink together providing he does not do this again. If he did he was told he is at risk of prosecution or being locked up. And it was a social worker from the local hospital elderly services dept who recommended my uncle should receive 24 hour care. SS became involved after uncle was taken by ambulance twice for falls.

So your uncle can not have guests of his choosing come to the house?

Wow

24 hr care does not always mean a care home

Step dad needed 24 he care from his mid 70's which mother managed perfectly well until her own health failed, with help from us and as I outlined above with adaptations and a small expenditure his care continued at home till he died

Person_one

bluelass wrote: »

Right. My uncle lives less than one mile from the pub and has to get a cab there and back because he cannot walk it. On Monday evening the man went round to the house again and one of my cousins was there and she telephoned for the police. The man has been told he must not go round to my aunt and uncles home again and to keep out of a private matter which does not concern him and this will be listed on his record that he has received such warning if he did try to do it again. However he and my uncle can still have a drink together providing he does not do this again. If he did he was told he is at risk of prosecution or being locked up. And it was a social worker from the local hospital elderly services dept who recommended my uncle should receive 24 hour care. SS became involved after uncle was taken by ambulance twice for falls.

Did you not know about this when you posted yesterday then?

There seems to be so much conflict in your life already bluelass, would it not be better to stay out of this, and let your uncle, his wife and children sort this out amongst themselves?

bluelass

I got to hear about it yesterday evening. And why should a man harassing my aunt and causing trouble be allowed into a house which is her home too?. The man is lucky he can still socialise with uncle and not been prosecuted. I am not directly involved but just updated by phone.

heartbreak_star

bluelass wrote: »

I got to hear about it yesterday evening. And why should a man harassing my aunt and causing trouble be allowed into a house which is her home too?. The man is lucky he can still socialise with uncle and not been prosecuted. I am not directly involved but just updated by phone.

If you're only being updated by phone, are you sure you're getting all the (unbiased) information you need?

HBS x

Person_one

bluelass wrote: »

I got to hear about it yesterday evening. And why should a man harassing my aunt and causing trouble be allowed into a house which is her home too?. The man is lucky he can still socialise with uncle and not been prosecuted. I am not directly involved but just updated by phone.

What would he be prosecuted for?

wannabe_sybil

So this is why you started the thread about care homes. You wanted to get ammunition to get your uncle shunted there. I use the phrase advisedly, as my father went into a care home after a lot of heart searching and I know the pressures that caring can put on people. This isn't even close to what many carers deal with.

btw if he can make an informed choice then he cannot be forced into care. It sounds like he has plenty of support at home. My father refused to eat and take medicine. No-one could make him and he was still considered to have enough capacity to make a will (doctor's opinion). It may not be easy watching someone being awkward, but people are legally allowed to be awkward and make stupid decisions.

bluelass

Person_one wrote: »

What would he be prosecuted for?

Harassment and the fact the police gave him a warning which has been put on file means it was taken seriously. People cant just interfere in another persons family life thinking they know it all. And as I said before the man is lucky he wasn't prosecuted given the police were told he said he would take my uncle and not return him. He will still see uncle in the pub but must not annoy my aunt or other family members and if he does he will be prosecuted and could get banged up.