Uncles Interfering Friend What To Do About It?

pigpen

2 words.. second is 'off' and call the police.. they don't have to deal with this man why are they allowing him to terrorise them?? If he does abscond with your uncle the police would be very interested in a vulnerable elderly person being kidnapped I'm sure.. You could just get an injunction if his behaviour is threatening.

It sounds like a sheltered housing situation would be more appropriate rather than a care home. That assessment may need to be done though.

suki1964

I thought it was your friends uncle???

That how you referred to him in your thread about care homes

Brighton_belle

pigpen wrote: »

It sounds like a sheltered housing situation would be more appropriate rather than a care home. That assessment may need to be done though.

I don't think sheltered housing covers any sort of 'caring', it's more a practical arrangement for taking care of the property you live in, and contacting relatives if you are ill - the relatives still have to do the caring/meals/washing/make sure you take meds etc.

pigpen

Brighton_belle wrote: »

I don't think sheltered housing covers any sort of 'caring', it's more a practical arrangement for taking care of the property you live in, and contacting relatives if you are ill - the relatives still have to do the caring/meals/washing/make sure you take meds etc.

I am aware.. and if he can get out and about twice a week he isn't going to be going into a care home. They cant force anyone to take medication or do anything they don't want, just the same as being at home but there is someone around to help deal with troublesome visitors and medical emergencies.

My nanna laid in a hospital bed refused medication and there was nothing the staff could do! a care home stands no chance.

RAS

pigpen wrote: »

My nanna laid in a hospital bed refused medication and there was nothing the staff could do! a care home stands no chance.

Presumably your nanna was assessed and found to be of sound mind, in which case medication was a decision she could take.

If the OP's uncle is found not to have capacity to make decisions then a hospital or resident unit could enforce compliance if necessary. it would depend on the medication and the impact of not taking it. So probably insulin would be enforced whereas anti-depressants might not.

milliemonster

Well, if he can make the decision to take himself off to the local pub for a couple of nights a week, then he is going to be assessed as of sound mind!, bing confused at times, does not mean he is mentally incapacitated to make his own decisions, if he can understand information being told to him and can retain that information for long enough to make a decision about it then he will pass the test.

It seems he is refusing to eat and take his meds as a means of protest, rather than he doesn't know what he's doing

Putting him in a home will not change that, even if he was assessed as mentally incapable of making those decisions, they still wouldn't force him to take tablets against his well.

elsien

Another point to bear in mind is that capacity is decision specific. People aren't generally assessed as having capacity for everything, or not.
His decision to go to the pub twice a week has very little relation to his capacity to weigh up the pros and cons around accommodation decisions. And that has to be your starting point.
Perhaps as a family you could think about what he wants, the support needed to achieve it, and what is or isn't manageable for your aunt.
It can be as much about power struggles, relationships and dynamics as it is about practical help.
And I would give the gentleman some credit for standing up on behalf of a friend who tells him his family are pressuring him into something he doesn't want.

Buttonmoons

Not exactly - I work in a Very sheltered housing complex and we assist with washing & dressing, showers, baths, meals and we do all medication if the person is unable to do so themselves.

They are usually made up into blister pop packets from the chemist, although some residents can be on level 3 medication and again we do those too, just requires signing more sheets.

We have residents with dementia, it's basically when individuals are unable to toilet themselves they have to move on, or need a more secure place to live as they are confused / wandering.

We provide a 3 course lunch everyday - not everyone goes, they are charged for it of course, however its reasonable and relatives can opt to be told if their relative has went/ eaten etc.

We don't order meals in, or do washing unless someone has had an accident then we will take their things away to wash, there is washing machines & tumbles on site though.

Personally from the description the Uncle doesn't require a care home at all at the minute, but sheltered housing would probably be benficial especially if the family cannot cope.

Brighton_belle wrote: »

I don't think sheltered housing covers any sort of 'caring', it's more a practical arrangement for taking care of the property you live in, and contacting relatives if you are ill - the relatives still have to do the caring/meals/washing/make sure you take meds etc.

duchy

It appears your aunt is very keen to move your uncle into a carehome before the care is needed.
You say IF he needed to be lifted she couldn't do it - but apparently at this point he doesn't need it and is mobile enough to walk to the pub too.

IF he doesn't take his medication and falls then odds are she'd call an ambulance and he'd be in hospital and not sent home until a care plan was in place - that care plan may be to assist your aunt at home or may mean a care home. Each case is decided upon merit - but not on what might (or might not) happen in the future.

I hope for your aunt's sake she doesn't get sick as he'd not doubt be insisting SHE was put in a care home regardless of her wishes.

suki1964

My step dad was 84 when he started getting stroppy about his meds. My mum was 10 years younger, had already had a stroke and she too couldn't manage him if he fell, no one person could, he was over 6ft and 18stone. When he did fall all I could do was to cover him with a blanket to keep him warm and stay with him comforting him and dial 999 and await for a non emergency ambulance crew to come lift him, give him the once over and either take him in to A&E for a check up, or just get him settled again

His DLA paid for a home carer to come in to bath him. Social services supplied us with bathing and toilet aids. We got advice on the best kind of foot wear for him, we had automatic lighting put along the halls so he never was in darkness if he needed to get up in the night. He bought a chair that lifted him to a standing position and a bed that lifted him and had rails to stop him falling

He was old and frail and often confused, but no way did he require a care home and never once was it suggested He had all his marbles till the day he died

And we as a family managed him very well at home and he still enjoyed the odd trip out when he could right up till two weeks before he died

Doesn't sound at all that your uncle is a danger to himself or indeed needs 24 hour care. Sounds also to me that his friend is the only one who is listening to him. Imagine how he's feeling, thinking there's some plot to pack him off out the way