Frump to Fab 2016 - Lets make it AWESOME!!!

greenbee

On the packing front, I travel with a suitcase that is JUST over hand luggage size for long haul travel. I don't like dragging suitcases round airports so always check it in, but also don't like having to deal with large suitcases when I'm doing multi-leg trips so this is as much as I'm prepared to travel with.

I was chatting to the lady at the check in desk in Vancouver. She was amazed that it contained 7 pairs of shoes, two sets of running kit, swimming stuff, 4 days-worth of business dress (plus extra tops), 2 pairs of jeans, plus t-shirts, jumpers, cardigans, dress, makeup etc. I didn't mention the bottle of whiskey! I rarely use everything in the case, and can manage a week (or more depending on the number of meetings) without needing to have laundry done.

I've come to the conclusion that my dislike of dragging suitcases around has made me a VERY efficient packer.

For those of you who do a lot of long haul flights, my mother recently gave me some merino wool leggings and a couple of cashmere wraps. I was a bit underwhelmed by the leggings to begin with, but they are fabulous on flights. I tend to wear jersey dresses (comfortable, easy to wash, no pockets/things to set off security alarms), so being able to put on some leggings and have a warm wrap really helps. ANd the wraps can be useful in hotels when the aircon is stupidly cold in the public areas too!

chanie

greenbee you must be a professional packet!!! Thanks for your tips.

I picked up my order from Space NK today. The woman who served me offered to open the box and put my items in a paper bag. I asked to put my sister's items in a bag so I won't have to wrap it. I tried on the lip colours I'd bought, using the in store testers on display and they are nice sheer colours, so should suit me. In the sale, they also have a lip gloss that I'm eyeing up, which is half price. The sales staff told me it's being discontinued and they didn't have a tester. I'm tempted to buy it, but I have about 7 lip colours and I kind of feel it's enough. But, on the plus side it's 'only' £10.

lessonlearned

Hello ladies.

Some great packing tips there......

My input - well I have found that folding Marie Kondo style meant I could get more in the case and that the clothes don't crease as much.

Ruby - so sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. I am going to say something. I take my hat off to you. Being a new mum is not easy, it's hard enough with one, but with twins........well you have not only my admiration but also my heartfelt sympathy. You must be exhausted.

I firmly believe that young couples with new babies are usually under enormous stress and that even the strongest relationship will come under pressure. This is when rocky patches are most likely to happen. And of course it's the women who bear the brunt.

I also think that our celebrity culture has a lot to answer for.

We are bombarded with images of female celebs whose bodies seem to just miraculously snap back to their prepregnancy state. Then these people try to tell us they don't diet, they eat like horses, they don't have nannies, they do everything themselves, blah, blah, blah.

Pull the other one.

Ok even if they don't have nannies They still have armies of stylists, assistants, cleaners, drivers, personal trainers. And of course they are not plagued with money worries......

In the real world, we mere mortals are feeding and caring for our babies, cooking, shopping, cleaning and often without any help from anyone, especially if we no longer live near our mothers or female family members. I remember it well - it's relentless. Do you have any family help, either his or your mum......any female family you can turn to.

I'm afraid It sounds like your partner has totally unrealistic expectations, he has swallowed the lies of these "goddesses" hook, line and sinker.

A kind interpretation is that he just doesn't realise the pressure you are under, the unkind interpretation is that he knows full well and doesn't care enough.

Either way communication is essential. He has to know how you are feeling and then he needs to decide whether or not he is going to help you through this. He has to assume responsibilty for his children and he has to take better care of you.

What kind of pressure is he under......is he worried about his job, panicking about money. Can you sit down and talk about all these issues. If not, then perhaps counselling might help.

If you feel there's no future in the relationship then you need to talk to a solicitor to find out what your options are.

The good news is with the right will on both sides and a genuine deep love for each other then most relationships can ride out the storms and rocky patches, the bonds becoming stronger in the long run, but it does take time and patience.

Men don't always realise just how hard it is for new mum's, as you so rightly point out he does at least have breaks away from the relentless round of childcare when he is at work. He gets adult company and stimulation, proper lunch breaks etc. You get none of that, just an endless round of childcare and domesticity.

I agree with Chanie. A good place to start would be hand over TOTAL responsibility for the babies for a few hours. You then go and do something for you.......a swim, a walk, a hair cut, a Couple of hours just to yourself.

I can remember one Saturday Morning, I left my 8 month old son with my husband fir the first time. I went into town and sat in a cafe with a cup of coffee and a magazine. Sheer bliss.

When I came home was my husband pleased to see me........:rotfl:

lessonlearned

Just wanted to add......

It's not uncommon for some men to appear disinterested in small babies, even when it's their own baby, especially if they are unaccustomed to them.

However, this does not make them bad fathers. Some men just find it easier as the child becomes a toddler, when they start walking and talking.

The other thing is......and I know this might sound bonkers but it does happen......some men feel a bit "pushed out". Suddenly they are no longer top dog in their woman's life. They have to take second place for a while and they don't always find it easy.

Some men don't engage in child care because they are frightened of doing it all wrong. Men are big and babies are tiny, some men feel clumsy and awkward round babies.

The good news is, especially with boys, when the child is ready for some "rough-housing" and "man stuff" then dad is the one to deliver the goods.

Perhaps your man will come into his own once your babies are mobile and ready for some physical play. At any rate they will be all over him and he won't have much choice but to engage more with them. They won't leave him alone.:rotfl:

He may surprise you yet.

Ellsbel

Completely agree about celeb culture and the unrealistic standards set by it - for all aspects of our lives and appearances; the media have a lot to answer for in that respect, imo.
I've a confession to make: I've completely fallen off the fab wagon in the last few days - more really - and whilst I'm trying to talk a good game, I've gone all to pot; food wise it's been horrendous, I've not been taking care over choosing what to wear, or wearing makeup and have been so demotivated in general. I'm actually embarrassed to admit to this:o, but I feel like I owe it to the thread and all you lovely ladies to be honest!
Because I feel a bit of a fraud posting at the moment, because I don't want to drip negativity on here and because I find it far too easy to lose myself online instead of getting myself into gear and getting "out there" with my best face on, I'm reluctantly taking a break from the forum for a while.
Hope this doesn't sound too drama queen-ish, it honestly isn't meant to be; I just didn't want to disappear without a word to all my "fab" friends.
I'm "banning" myself for about a month and hopefully when I come back (as long as I'm not too embarrassed to come back:o), I'll have lots of positives to report; need to stop "talking" and start "doing"!
Take care all x

pamsdish

I am feeling good, about myself and life in general, lost a couple of pounds just eating sensibly, going swimming at least 3 times a week, this is aswell as the 3-4 miles in total I walk my dog every day, applying makeup or at least bb cream, mascara etc every day with a spray of perfume, everynight whilst watching t.v. I either manicure, pedicure or pluck eyebrows, life working well at the moment, just need some warm sunshine.

ScarlettMcCain

Thank you to everyone who's sent me such kind words

Still no news on my potential redundancy, but I've calculated that I'd receive around £3000 - £3500 in redundancy pay; I'd like to use around £1000 of that to re-train as a medical secretary, the pay wouldn't be as good as my current job but at least I'd always have work, even if it was only as bank staff. I thought about throwing the rest at my debt to pay off a chunk of it, but you're right Floss, it would probably be my running-away money instead.

We have a very small mortgage - OH bought the house almost 30 years ago - and when I moved in he made it clear that he wanted to pay all the bills so I wouldn't have a claim on anything if we split up. I was paying him £350 a month towards household expenses but had to stop when I went on maternity leave. At the time he said he didn't mind, but now it seems he does

He has his own business which he's trying to sell, but it's taking a long time, much longer than he thought! And in the meantime it feels like he resents me having the 'easier time' at home with the babies. Well it may be nicer but some days it definitely isn't easier!!

LL, you're so right about the celeb culture - I think OH expected me to snap back into shape the second I'd given birth - I'd put on over five stone, no idea how I'd manage that!! He made another comment the other day of "she's lost a bit of weight but still has a couple of dress sizes to go to get back to where she was" - I don't, I've got about half a stone, and it hurts to hear him dismiss my pregnancy and subsequent weight loss struggle like that.

In general I just don't feel welcome at home any more - it was his home for years before I moved in - now I try to keep it tidy and not 'make my mark' as it were, in case that attracts any more nasty comments.....

Well done pamsdish on your fabbing, and Ellsbel, I hope you find your way back soon and greenbee, I am totally in awe of your packing skills!!

lessonlearned

Oh Ruby. That's is awful, you are not an unwelcome guest, you are the mother of his children, you deserve to be treated like a queen, not merely "tolerated".

See a solicitor before you do anything rash or make any deals with him. I think your partner will get a shock - you will have more "rights" than he might think.

He has duties and obligations........

sugarbaby125

I went to Karaoke on Sunday. Wayne had returned from his holiday to Jamaica. We had briefly spoken on the phone on Friday evening and agreed to meet at Karaoke. I am prepared to try and reestablish our relationship if he is willing to take on board the issues that leave me deeply concerned. Time will tell.

I wore my red deep v front and back sleeveless Kaleidoscope top with my Coast Black chiffon full, flirty skirt and my red patent leather crocodile effect Van Dal Sandals. With my gold plated Tissot watch, solid gold large hoop earrings, bracelet and 3D cross and chain. I had clear nail polish on my nails, clear lip gloss, black mascara and gold eye shadow. I took my red patent leather Osprey handbag with all my essentials for the night. I had on lots of perfume with the matching perfumed body lotion.

I am off work for the next 8 weeks so I intend to enjoy myself. I am feeling tired today, but I will have a rest, have a long relaxing bath, pamper myself after my bath, then get ready for my date this evening with Wayne. We have a lot to discuss if there is any chance of us moving on together.

pamsdish

lessonlearned wrote: »

Oh Ruby. That's is awful, you are not an unwelcome guest, you are the mother of his children, you deserve to be treated like a queen, not merely "tolerated".

See a solicitor before you do anything rash or make any deals with him. I think your partner will get a shock - you will have more "rights" than he might think.

He has duties and obligations........

I agree with LL, consult a solicitor or citizens advice, he has to keep a roof over his childrens heads, you paid your way with the £350 contribution, hope you have bank statements or something to show if necessary. You always contributed to the expenses and the groceries.That will count in your favour.