Facebook dilemma

absolutereturn

heuchera wrote: »

A ten year old child should not be using the internet unsupervised, end of.

I said that a lot of parents are happy with their kids having Facebook accounts, which mean they were not unsupervised, on the contrary, they were doing things under supervision rather than prevented from doing them altogether which makes it even more attractive for kids to do them.

heuchera wrote: »

I am shocked (not not surprised, I suppose..) that people think otherwise.

I didn't say I thought they shouldn't be supervised, all the opposite in fact.

heuchera wrote: »

Possibly they are unaware of the sort of stuff that goes on on the internet, in which case I seriously suggest they read up about it.

I've been reading and hearing about the horrors of the internet since I started using it exactly 20 years ago. Parental controls were also introduced at around that time.

heuchera

A tech-savvy kid (or one of his mates) will get around the 'parental controls' in about 5 minutes..

Petra_70

absolutereturn wrote: »

Facebook is a medium like any other: the post, the phone, the internet, blogs, forums, etc. How they are used is up to the individual. It can be used for drama or for anything else. I tend to post mostly photos of holidays, day trips, events, etc. and nothing controversial, very personal or work related to avoid trouble.

The one issue I can see with FB is that all your FB friends can see who your other friends are and some of my friends may not like some other friends. This has been the case since I was in school so not a situation caused by FB but it has caused some friction and resulted in a couple of relatives un-friending me as a result. C'est la vie...:(

How massively childish these people sound. "I don't like that friend you have on FB so I am unfriending you!" !!!!!!? How old are they? 12??? As I said, the few people I knew who behaved like 12-14 year old schoolgirls (bickering and airing their dirty linen in public,) got deleted off my friends list a long time ago.

absolutereturn wrote: »

There are much worse things that kids can get up to than going on FB "illegally". Getting involved in drugs and petty crime come to mind and you don't need FB or the internet for that. You will find that a lot of parents are aware of their kids' FB accounts and are happy with them. That means they are supervising them while they do something rather than banning them from doing it which is a much more constructive approach.

absolutereturn wrote: »

I said that a lot of parents are happy with their kids having Facebook accounts, which mean they were not unsupervised, on the contrary, they were doing things under supervision rather than prevented from doing them altogether which makes it even more attractive for kids to do them.

I didn't say I thought they shouldn't be supervised, all the opposite in fact.

I've been reading and hearing about the horrors of the internet since I started using it exactly 20 years ago. Parental controls were also introduced at around that time.

I agree with you. What a massive over-reaction, just because a 10 year old has a FB account. I think most kids aren't interested in FB at that age, but if they have one, so what? As I said, I am not keen on having under 18s on my FB, as I prefer to converse with adults, but I do have a couple of 16 and 17 y.os, who are friends of the family. And if a 10 year old wants to have a FB to chat to older siblings or pals at school, or play games on it, then so what?

I think everyone is aware of the 'horrors' that you can see on the internet, but you flat out cannot stop all kids using it; they can get it at school, the library, Mcdonald's, Costa, and other retail (eaterie) places, on trains, on buses. And also their mates will have computers and laptops and smartphones to enable them to access the internet. Like there are loads of video games that are 15+ and 18+, but it doesn't stop 10-14 year olds playing them! Or even younger!

Yes, they should not be on FB as it's for 13+, but there are things we ALL do that we shouldn't be doing. EVERYone 'breaks the law' occasionally, some people regularly, and anyone who says they never do is deluded or lying.

And frankly, it's very naive to think you can stop kids from using the internet, and seeing things they shouldn't; just because you don't allow them a FB account.

heuchera

Petra_70 wrote: »

I agree with you. What a massive over-reaction, just because a 10 year old has a FB account. I think most kids aren't interested in FB at that age, but if they have one, so what?

You're not alone in thinking that way. Many feckless parents allow their children access to the internet. Either from defeatism "oh, they're going to do it anyway so I might as well just let them.." or through naivety (a 10 year old has a facebook account.. so what.. what could possibly go wrong..).


They really, really need educating.

Petra_70

heuchera wrote: »

You're not alone in thinking that way. Many feckless parents allow their children access to the internet. Either from defeatism "oh, they're going to do it anyway so I might as well just let them.." or through naivety (a 10 year old has a facebook account.. so what.. what could possibly go wrong..).


They really, really need educating.

No they don't. Quit being so patronising and condescending.

Read my last post properly.

Particularly this bit...

I think everyone is aware of the 'horrors' that you can see on the internet, but you flat out cannot stop all kids using it; they can get it at school, the library, Mcdonald's, Costa, and other retail (eaterie) places, on trains, on buses. And also their mates will have computers and laptops and smartphones to enable them to access the internet. Like there are loads of video games that are 15+ and 18+, but it doesn't stop 10-14 year olds playing them! Or even younger!

Yes, they should not be on FB as it's for 13+, but there are things we ALL do that we shouldn't be doing. EVERYone 'breaks the law' occasionally, some people regularly, and anyone who says they never do is deluded or lying.

And frankly, it's very naive to think you can stop kids from using the internet, and seeing things they shouldn't; just because you don't allow them a FB account.

I think you should pay particular attention to the last paragraph.

I am sure you mean well with your 'scolding.' and sitting on your high horse up there, but you are really going over the top with your frankly over-zealous views and opinions! Fact is, you can NOT stop kids from doing everything you don't want them to do. You are living in cloud cuckoo land if you think that it possible!

People are not agreeing with you, they don't have to, they don't need to; deal with it!

Andypandyboy

Parents do need to try to exercise controls over the usage of the net. If very young kids circumvent those controls that is a different matter, but to actively allow or encourage the use of FB is poor parenting imo.

Aside from the obvious; grooming, !!!!!!, cruelty, incitement to suicide, there is the very real online bullying aspect, often from people not known to the child or family outside the FB page. Kids rarely divulge this type of thing until way down the line.

Those of us involved in IT spheres/related professional fields know more of what goes on, much of which never hits the news.

Petra_70

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Parents do need to try to exercise controls over the usage of the net. If kids circumvent those controls that s a different matter, but to actively allow or encourage the use of FB is poor parenting imo.

Aside from the obvious; grooming, !!!!!!, cruelty, incitement to suicide, there is the very real online bullying aspect, often from people not known to the child or family outside the FB page. Kids rarely divulge this type of thing until way down the line.

Those of us involved in IT spheres/related fields know more of what goes on, much of which never hits the news.

Yes that is a point, but this doesn't happen to EVERY young person ... many use the net all the time with no issues... What I am saying is no matter HOW you try, you are NOT going to stop your kids using the internet/facebook if they are determined to do so, and it's very naive for anyone to think they can.

I have known several very strict parents refuse to let their daughters have FB at 14-15, and they just had a secret one, and looked at all sorts of things in the library and at school, because they couldn't see it at home. Do people seriously think kids won't use it anyway? What a joke!

This ranting about letting kids use the internet is a ridiculous histrionic over-reaction

scooby088

With the advent of smart phones that has expanded the problem of parental control, its not only facebook, but instagram, snapchap, whatsapp, loads of ways kids can get groomed on those platforms too.

Even a 13 year old I am uncomfortable with the amount of freedom that some parents give them, plus i go by the adage if you dont know them in real life then dont add them, as the internet and especially social media is full of adults pretending to be kids of the same age.

Back to the OP's dilemma delete the kids off there for the reasons I have stated above, plus also the mother maybe using their accounts to keep tabs on you. On a personal level i wouldnt have any of my DDs friends on my facebook just for the plain reason i have no time for them.

Andypandyboy

Petra_70 wrote: »

Yes that is a point, but what I am saying is no matter HOW you try, you are NOT going to stop your kids using the internet/facebook if they are determined to do so, and it's very naive for anyone to think you can.

I have known several very strict parents refuse to let their daughters have FC at 14-15, and they just had a secret one, and looked at all sorts of things in the library and at school, because they couldn't see it at home. Do people seriously think kids won't use it anyway? What a joke!

This ranting about letting kids use the internet is a ridiculous histrionic over-reaction

And calm acceptance that kids will do whatever anyway so why bother to try to exercise parental controls leads to lax parenting and kids who turn out feral.

absolutereturn

Petra_70 wrote: »

Yes that is a point, but this doesn't happen to EVERY young person ... many use the net all the time with no issues...

No, it doesn't happen to the majority. As with everything, the media only reports the most extreme cases, things that stand out from the ordinary and happen infrequently. You never see: "it rained very lightly for half an hour...", you only read about major floods. Somehow people get the idea that what they read in the papers happens all the time, if it did, it wouldn't be in the papers.

Petra_70 wrote: »

What I am saying is no matter HOW you try, you are NOT going to stop your kids using the internet/facebook if they are determined to do so, and it's very naive for anyone to think they can.

Totally agree, that's precisely what I said, if there had been internet when I was a kid, I'd have gone out of my way to access it, especially if I wasn't allowed to.