Facebook dilemma

DevilsAdvocate1

I've fallen out with a friend. Its a bad fallout and I can't see how we can ever be friends again. Seems like she's been storing up everything I've ever said and done in the last 4 years and has now just torn my personality to pieces.

I'm not totally surprised though. She goes through friends like they're going out of fashion. The friendship has mainly lasted this long because I've been very careful to back down and apologize when she's tried to start a row with me. I've done this because my youngest son is very good friends with her youngest son.

Anyway, on Christmas Eve she sent me a long Facebook message, pulling apart my personality. Everything I've ever said or done in the last four years was wrong. When her gran died, the card I sent was wrong. She analyses everything and ends up seeing things which are not there.

I did not reply to her. I couldn't. There was nothing to say, it was all so far fetched. She's done this to at least 4 people in the last two years, so I guess it was always a matter of time.

I've noticed this morning that she has de-friended me on Facebook, which is a relief. However, her two sons are both still on my friends list. We will still see each other quite regularly as our children play the same sport and practice together 3 or 4 times a week. I've told my son that I'm fine with him still being friends but I won't be talking to their mum anymore. He's seen the Facebook message.

Do I delete the children from my Facebook account? Or will this stir up even more trouble? I don't want to start feeling uncomfortable when the children are practicing. I know when its happened before some of the parents have left and taken their children to another club, but I don't want to do that.

My opinion after I received her message was to do nothing. Not to reply to her message, not to like her posts and not to de-friend her. But should I de-friend her children?

Thanks.

jaydeeuk1

This is why I don't use FB, like being in the playground again.

Keep children on, if they get told to delete you so be it, deleting them will be as petty as her, who will no doubt find herself pretty lonely soon.

barbarawright

Rise above it. Keep friendly with the children - whatever happens isn't their fault and if they're old enough to use FB, they're old enough to observe their mother's behaviour and see its effects, You can set them (and your son) a good example.

Petra_70

I agree with Jay and Barb. Don't delete them; don't stoop to her level.

What a nasty childish piece of work she sounds. I hope this didn't affect your Christmas, but I have a strong feeling it did.

As Jay said, no doubt the kids will delete you soon anyway. Although it may be possible that they are a LOT less childish than she is and will be OK with you.

If you feel uncomfortable with them being on your friends list; give it say a month, and then delete them maybe. I am never keen on having anyone under 18 on my friends list anyway.

If your kids and her kids are mates, that could make things tricky though; just play it by ear, and see how it goes.

moneyistooshorttomention

Children aren't part of their parents' quarrels. They are people in their own right and have the right to make their own decisions about these things.

Keep the children on there and let them make their own decisions about each other. She might try and "turn" her son - but she might not. If she does try and "turn" him - he might have the sense to make his own decision for himself anyway and remain friends with your son.

jm2926

Leave them on Facebook. IF you don't want her to see your posts via the kids accounts create a group with everyone but them in, and only share things to that group.

barbarawright

jm2926 wrote: »

Leave them on Facebook. IF you don't want her to see your posts via the kids accounts create a group with everyone but them in, and only share things to that group.

Or make your posts Friends Only and make them Acquaintances

DevilsAdvocate1

Thanks for your replies. You've confirmed my general feeling which was to leave them there. I can't see that I would be posting anything I'd feel awkward about her seeing, but its good to know there are options I can use.

I'm keen for the boys to remain friends as the sport they do doesn't attract many boys. I don't want any of them to feel awkward. So I'll try to rise above it. Think there are just 6 boys in total at the moment.

I have a feeling I know which two parents she'll pal up with now and expect to be blanked by them. But I'll smile and remain friendly. This was one of things she did not like about me, was that I remained friendly with people she'd fallen out with - but I take people as I find them and I had no reason to blank them. And when I read the texts / messages she'd received where she was supposedly sla@@ed off really badly - well I usually couldn't see what she was on about. I think she over analyses things in a bad way.

Thanks again.

Georgiegirl256

I agree with jaylee, FB is like the playground, although worse, because adults should know better. I'm glad I'm not on it.

I can't see why you would de friend the sons, they've done nothing wrong.

DevilsAdvocate1

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I agree with jaylee, FB is like the playground, although worse, because adults should know better. I'm glad I'm not on it.

I can't see why you would de friend the sons, they've done nothing wrong.

Its more the thought that she could use her son's login to read my posts. But I'm unlikely to say anything I would feel awkward about her reading.

duchy

I'd act like you haven't even noticed

Not in a playground I'm ignoring you - way - but in an adult.....we're just aquaintances - way.

Was she ever really a friend-she sounds very hard work and about 13 years old.