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Ran out of punishments
Comments
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Tbh op, I'm wondering where you are
Was not too far back that you were splitting with OH , moving away, near penniless, dividing the family etc etc
And now you are posting about a niece who in your own words you begrudge doing anything for
Perhaps you need to sort yourself out before you try to sort out a very impressionable teenager
If I were her, living in ŷour home sounds to be hell. It's all PUNISHMENT.
Who are you actually trying to punish?0 -
I haven't refreshed my memory by re-reading the original thread (so apologies if I'm off track) but one query I had with it was how many times and how long a duration were the punishment(s) for.
I ended up being confused by the punishments metered out and for what particular bad behaviour each was for, it seemed a bit diffuse. It seemed that the niece was being permanently punished for being a general nuisance...
So exactly what was the grounding for, the end of the allowances and removal of the wifi for, how long was each punishment supposed to last and when were they due to end?
I feel for the kid, 16 and thrown out of her parental home and now talk of borstal as the next punishment available in her aunt's home. Truly if you can't handle the young girl yourself I'd get in touch with SS and see if they can find a caring foster home for her.Its not that we have more patience as we grow older, its just that we're too tired to care about all the pointless drama0 -
Now I know you aren't at all wise and have no idea whatsoever in bringing up a cohesive family
And have no idea about electrical wiring in houses either......Make £2025 in 2025
Prolific £617.02, Octopoints £5.20, TCB £398.58, Tesco Clubcard challenges £89.90, Misc Sales £321, Airtime £60, Shopmium £26.60, Everup £24.91 Zopa CB £30
Total (4/9/25) £1573.21/£2025 77%
Make £2024 in 2024
Prolific £907.37, Chase Int £59.97, Chase roundup int £3.55, Chase CB £122.88, Roadkill £1.30, Octopus ref £50, Octopoints £70.46, TCB £112.03, Shopmium £3, Iceland £4, Ipsos £20, Misc Sales £55.44Total £1410/£2024 70%Make £2023 in 2023 Total: £2606.33/£2023 128.8%0 -
MatthewAinsworth wrote: »How about completely cutting electricity to the room?
They could sit there by candle light I suppose, but if they're as scatty as the OP makes out they'd probably catch the curtains on fire or something :eek::rotfl:left the forum due to trolling/other nonsense
28.3.20160 -
A punishment if used doent have to be in anger, just firm, like parking ticketsThis is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com0
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There sometimes comes a time when you have to enforce, if talking can't make them care or respect. I do however believe that discipline shouldn't be used unnecessarily, just that there are times when it really is the only optionThis is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com0
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Being bad takes effort too. Haul the young out of solitary, stick them in within-doors public space & reward all not-Bad behaviour.
Ask them nicely to help with washing up etc (IF THEN ELSE worked on toddlers!)
Doesn't matter if there's a Saint & a Sinner, both need clear consistent rules & shutting them away rarely improves matters.0 -
balletshoes wrote: »that would be both niece and daughter in this case, as neither of them has owned up and the OP doesn't know which one has taken the tobacco.0
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MatthewAinsworth wrote: »A punishment if used doent have to be in anger, just firm, like parking tickets
And everyone who ever got a parking ticket was so pleased they hugged the traffic warden... no one was ever angry about it.
Cutting power isn't done in anger but the RESULT is anger and hurt and upset.. all negative emotions.. surely teaching your young adult.. because at 16 they are not toddlers.. their opinion matters, that you trust them (or want to) and love them and want them to be the best they can is a better way forward than all those negative emotions?
I hope you stick around and learn from other peoples experiences before your young man is of an age where your treatment will cause lasting irreparable damage to your relationship with him.LB moment 10/06 Debt Free date 6/6/14Hope to be debt free until the day I dieMortgage-free Wannabee (05/08/30)6/6/14 £72,454.65 (5.65% int.)08/12/2023 £33602.00 (4.81% int.)0 -
I would start with a 'Family Meeting'. conducted as if you were in the Board room! set an agenda, have paper and pencils for everyone and provide a refreshment tray! Tea, coffee, pop and biccies or little cakes.
then allow everyone to have their say for say 2 mins (kitchen timer good for this).
topics could include
Curfew times
Tv times
Bedroom tidying - responsibilities and limitations
Chores - what is reasonable what is not!
see where I am going? you can really find out what your teen thinks if they know you HAVE to listen to them for those two minutes!
and perhaps the more 'formal' atmosphere will stop the strops!
Worked in my house.
I'm sure you mean well and teens do get to be listened to but I'd criticise your sample agenda. There needs to be something in this (or more correctly out of this) for both parties and everything on your list is about calling teens to account. That's likely to make them feel even more hard done by.
My comments have all been based on the scenario that OP presented but it seems from hints that other posters have given to previous threads that this case isn't that simple.0
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