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Ran out of punishments

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  • suki1964
    suki1964 Posts: 14,313 Forumite
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    Tbh op, I'm wondering where you are

    Was not too far back that you were splitting with OH , moving away, near penniless, dividing the family etc etc

    And now you are posting about a niece who in your own words you begrudge doing anything for


    Perhaps you need to sort yourself out before you try to sort out a very impressionable teenager

    If I were her, living in ŷour home sounds to be hell. It's all PUNISHMENT.

    Who are you actually trying to punish?
  • cbrown372
    cbrown372 Posts: 1,513 Forumite
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    BigAunty wrote: »
    I haven't refreshed my memory by re-reading the original thread (so apologies if I'm off track) but one query I had with it was how many times and how long a duration were the punishment(s) for.

    I ended up being confused by the punishments metered out and for what particular bad behaviour each was for, it seemed a bit diffuse. It seemed that the niece was being permanently punished for being a general nuisance...

    So exactly what was the grounding for, the end of the allowances and removal of the wifi for, how long was each punishment supposed to last and when were they due to end?

    I feel for the kid, 16 and thrown out of her parental home and now talk of borstal as the next punishment available in her aunt's home. Truly if you can't handle the young girl yourself I'd get in touch with SS and see if they can find a caring foster home for her.
    Its not that we have more patience as we grow older, its just that we're too tired to care about all the pointless drama ;)
  • Slinky
    Slinky Posts: 11,211 Forumite
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    suki1964 wrote: »
    Now I know you aren't at all wise and have no idea whatsoever in bringing up a cohesive family



    And have no idea about electrical wiring in houses either......
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  • heuchera
    heuchera Posts: 1,825 Forumite
    How about completely cutting electricity to the room?

    They could sit there by candle light I suppose, but if they're as scatty as the OP makes out they'd probably catch the curtains on fire or something :eek::rotfl:
    left the forum due to trolling/other nonsense
    28.3.2016
  • System
    System Posts: 178,371 Community Admin
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    A punishment if used doent have to be in anger, just firm, like parking tickets
    This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
  • System
    System Posts: 178,371 Community Admin
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    There sometimes comes a time when you have to enforce, if talking can't make them care or respect. I do however believe that discipline shouldn't be used unnecessarily, just that there are times when it really is the only option
    This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
  • DigForVictory
    DigForVictory Posts: 12,104 Forumite
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    Being bad takes effort too. Haul the young out of solitary, stick them in within-doors public space & reward all not-Bad behaviour.
    Ask them nicely to help with washing up etc (IF THEN ELSE worked on toddlers!)

    Doesn't matter if there's a Saint & a Sinner, both need clear consistent rules & shutting them away rarely improves matters.
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,791 Forumite
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    that would be both niece and daughter in this case, as neither of them has owned up and the OP doesn't know which one has taken the tobacco.
    Yes, I only realised that once I'd re-read. and didn't get round to editing. If neither will own up BOTH of them pay the total amount. It is no good asking for half each as the one that has stolen will get away with paying a reduced amount. You might find by saying this the innocent one will put pressure on the other to tell the truth.
  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 41,152 Forumite
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    A punishment if used doent have to be in anger, just firm, like parking tickets


    And everyone who ever got a parking ticket was so pleased they hugged the traffic warden... no one was ever angry about it.

    Cutting power isn't done in anger but the RESULT is anger and hurt and upset.. all negative emotions.. surely teaching your young adult.. because at 16 they are not toddlers.. their opinion matters, that you trust them (or want to) and love them and want them to be the best they can is a better way forward than all those negative emotions?

    I hope you stick around and learn from other peoples experiences before your young man is of an age where your treatment will cause lasting irreparable damage to your relationship with him.
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  • maman
    maman Posts: 29,970 Forumite
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    meritaten wrote: »
    I would start with a 'Family Meeting'. conducted as if you were in the Board room! set an agenda, have paper and pencils for everyone and provide a refreshment tray! Tea, coffee, pop and biccies or little cakes.
    then allow everyone to have their say for say 2 mins (kitchen timer good for this).
    topics could include
    Curfew times
    Tv times
    Bedroom tidying - responsibilities and limitations
    Chores - what is reasonable what is not!
    see where I am going? you can really find out what your teen thinks if they know you HAVE to listen to them for those two minutes!
    and perhaps the more 'formal' atmosphere will stop the strops!
    Worked in my house.



    I'm sure you mean well and teens do get to be listened to but I'd criticise your sample agenda. There needs to be something in this (or more correctly out of this) for both parties and everything on your list is about calling teens to account. That's likely to make them feel even more hard done by.


    My comments have all been based on the scenario that OP presented but it seems from hints that other posters have given to previous threads that this case isn't that simple.
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