Flo's Debt Free Diary

Florence_J

We are doing really well this month on the grocery challenge and still have £50 left until payday. We have never done so well this late in the month.

enthusiasticsaver

Good you have started to make inroads into debt to OH.

Florence_J

Guys, I need help.

I know I have only been in my new job for a month, but I hate it. I am miserable there. I have had three days of sickness that was probably caused by stress already.

I don't feel like I am being supported by my new manager, nor do I think I will be.

I need to leave. But I have to get a new job first. But how is it going to look? That I can't stick at anything?

I have realised that I can't cope with stress or responsibility. I know these are skills that are basically mandatory in any job but my mental health and my anxiety means I am utterly incapable.

I wish I was in my old job. I know I couldn't return to it, my contract ended, they didn't have the budget to keep me.

I am miserable and because I don't know when or if I will get another job I can't leave this one and it is the not knowing that gets me down.

I am really struggling. My mental health is basically gone. I get the Sunday night blues on Friday night because each minute that passes is a count down to when I have to return to this new job.

Why am I incapable of coping with proper work? This is the first proper job I have ever had, and I have failed.

I don't know what I can actually do. What job would be good for me? I can't cope with customer service, I can't cope with anything important or taxing. I can't talk to people on the phone....

I am intelligent, I am hard working, but I fail at most jobs. My anxiety has rendered me incapable and I can't afford counselling.

I have in my lowest moments wondered whether my mental health means I could be classed as disabled and have to live on benefits. But I get value from working, I do not hold a negative opinion of anyone on benefits/welfare/support as when I was a teenager I was one of them. But I feel terrible about myself when I am unemployed. I guess it is natural that we tie up so much of our opinion of ourselves from what we do.

This is why I never ask anyone 'what do you do?' and why I hate being asked it myself, even when I have a good job, because I have spent so long doing jobs that make me miserable or which don't reflect my dreams and passions.

I don't know what to do. I have applied for two jobs, one which has closed. I was rejected before interview. I had been on a great streak recently, applying for jobs and being invited to interview immediately (in one case before the job had even closed!) but with this recent one it's like they could sense my desperation.

I came so close to handing in my notice already.

Pigeons respond better to stress than I do.

System

I don't know your financial situation, but i think you could get benefits based on your present health. Could you try volunteering , to see how you feel about different types of jobs . Then when you feel better about things you could try getting a job in your chosen field. . Sorry things aren't good at the moment

crazy_cat_lady

Wish I had some wise words here Flo - you sound a lot like my dh when he's on a downward spiral.
Maybe part time would be the way forward for you? My dh is a driver - spends a lot of his day on his own, clearing his head and driving around the sticks. I couldn't do it but it suits him.
The one thing I have found about dealing with mental health issues is that you have to have an understanding doctor (one that knows you're intelligent and well aware of what is going on in your own health), and then you need to keep nagging. Don't give up - you are definitely worth time, effort and you have the same rights as everyone else to be happy at work. Get yourself some help from the health professionals - that's a good place to start. You will need to fight for it but it's worth it. x

doingitanyway

I am sorry things are so difficult for you Flo. You are very focused on what you cannot do (understandable as you are feeling low) but you do sound like an intelligent and sparky woman. If 9-5 work is not for you (and it is not for everyone despite what the world may suggest) are there other ways? People often overlook their skills and talents. When you are feeling stronger looking at working outside of the 9-5 may be an idea so you can have self worth through work and an income (perhaps a lower income combined with working tax credit) Take care x

ada-or-ardor

I'm not sure where you live but have you tried going for counselling through the NHS? I know waiting lists are long but it sounds like you need it; your doctor needs to know that your anxiety is making day to day life, including work, almost unbearable for you.

On the other hand, please try not to beat yourself up. You are not a failure. You have an uncontrollable illness that impacts how you handle stress, and you're trying to .ake changes. You should be very proud.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so rubbish.

Ada x

Florence_J

Thank you for all the kind words everyone and I will be back soon, I just have a few chores to do, but in case I don't come back on tonight I wanted you all to know that I have seen what you've said and been very thankful for it.

Florence_J

Cumbria_lass wrote: »

I don't know your financial situation, but i think you could get benefits based on your present health. Could you try volunteering , to see how you feel about different types of jobs . Then when you feel better about things you could try getting a job in your chosen field. . Sorry things aren't good at the moment

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

Wish I had some wise words here Flo - you sound a lot like my dh when he's on a downward spiral.
Maybe part time would be the way forward for you? My dh is a driver - spends a lot of his day on his own, clearing his head and driving around the sticks. I couldn't do it but it suits him.
The one thing I have found about dealing with mental health issues is that you have to have an understanding doctor (one that knows you're intelligent and well aware of what is going on in your own health), and then you need to keep nagging. Don't give up - you are definitely worth time, effort and you have the same rights as everyone else to be happy at work. Get yourself some help from the health professionals - that's a good place to start. You will need to fight for it but it's worth it. x

doingitanyway wrote: »

I am sorry things are so difficult for you Flo. You are very focused on what you cannot do (understandable as you are feeling low) but you do sound like an intelligent and sparky woman. If 9-5 work is not for you (and it is not for everyone despite what the world may suggest) are there other ways? People often overlook their skills and talents. When you are feeling stronger looking at working outside of the 9-5 may be an idea so you can have self worth through work and an income (perhaps a lower income combined with working tax credit) Take care x

Hi again everyone and thank you.

I have realised that my last job-the one in the University Library-was possibly the best job I have ever had.

But I would get so stressed and traumatised by the moments when I had to do customer service (when I was on the library help desk) that I didn't enjoy it at the time.

My goal now is to do whatever it takes to get another job back in that department (but in a back office role), but it is heartbreaking as there have been opportunities come up recently but I haven't been eligible for them, and both would involve doing the Masters course you need to do to become a Librarian (usually called something like Information Management). Which is going to be difficult when the job would be in a different country to the one I live in.

I feel my best short term option is to try and get an admin role with as little customer service as possible in Cardiff (I live in Cardiff but currently work in Bristol) that pays the same so that I could use the near £300 I spend on train travel each month on counselling.

My current employer is very good as they do a 6 sessions of counselling for free scheme but I feel that if I was to approach my manager about that after only a few weeks in the job it will go down like a ton of bricks. And that I might be fired, which, if I'm honest, may make me feel better in the short term (until I realise I can't pay off my debts or the OH or socialise or see Queen or eat etc etc).

There is another problem as well. My OH's Dad works in my office, and I am petrified I am going to embarrass him or make things awkward for him.

I just need an admin job that involves no interaction with customers. Or a Data entry job where I can meet the targets each day.

Florence_J

ada-or-ardor wrote: »

I'm not sure where you live but have you tried going for counselling through the NHS? I know waiting lists are long but it sounds like you need it; your doctor needs to know that your anxiety is making day to day life, including work, almost unbearable for you.

On the other hand, please try not to beat yourself up. You are not a failure. You have an uncontrollable illness that impacts how you handle stress, and you're trying to .ake changes. You should be very proud.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so rubbish.

Ada x

Hi there, I'm afraid this is not currently an option as I went through this route before and discovered that the only time available was Wednesday afternoons which would involve a bit of a contract negotiation, but I may try it again now as things are getting desperate.