Flo's Debt Free Diary

Florence_J

Oh Armchairexpert, your posts were so lovely

I feel very good right about now.

Working in Bristol now there is no room in the budget for counselling, at least not whilst I owe OH so much money. Hmmm, maybe I will do a double check to see about that.

It has been agreed between OH and me that if I get a job that pays the same in my home town then all the extra money I will have due to not spending on a train ticket will go to counselling, not debt.

ada-or-ardor

I would say that actually self-discipline (or attempting to) can be very accurate, especially when the symptoms are quite specific. If you have red up and feel it fits you, you should definitely go to your doctor, ask for an extended appointment and work towards a diagnosis. I would also recommend a charity like Mind or SANE, who won't be able to diagnose you but might be able to just give you some insight into what the diagnosis process looks like. Some people feel they don't benefit from a label, but if you do, then go for it. Especially with something like BPD, there are some fantastic therapeutic approaches which have proved highly effective at helping sufferers deal with the impact of the condition on their lives (relationships, work patterns, compulsive spending and impulsive behaviour) - dialectal therapy I think, and also a slightly modified form of CBT. If you get a diagnosis, I am sure they would refer you for therapy and it would be free, so two birds!! The other benefit, this will sound awful - waiting times are obviously long for treatment for depression and anxiety because we have record levels, but if you do get diagnosed with BPD, it shouldn't be too much of a wait for any treatment because it's much rarer.

And I bet there's a forum- perhaps you could post there and see if your experiences tally with anyone else, to give you more insight.

Best of luck :-)

On bed times I would be harsh and say you can obviously help each other and benefit from that help, but each of you needs to be accountable; that he gets annoyed and blames you suggests a huge lack of accountability over something every human being needs to do every day! I know how wrecked I am if I don't sleep the hours I need, so it's on me to get that sleep, and if I don't, it's my responsibility to try not to take it out on anyone else!! I think Florence that you need to cut that cord ;-) it will be hard adjustment period, but probably worth it in the long run.

Ada x

ada-or-ardor

Self-diagnosing, not self discipline! Stupid auto correct ;-)

Karonher

Would your doctor send you for a few free counselling sessions? One friend was sent for 6 - they actually went for a lot longer as the company missed the fact that it was only meant to be for 6 weeks - and it did help.

Florence_J

Thanks guys!

Lots to think about.

I will go to the doctor tomorrow and start investigating.

armchairexpert

I absolutely hear you about the budget, I do, but it'll be a lot more expensive in the long term if you do have an untreated mental illness and it renders you unable to work. Let us know how you get on.

Florence_J

armchairexpert wrote: »

I absolutely hear you about the budget, I do, but it'll be a lot more expensive in the long term if you do have an untreated mental illness and it renders you unable to work. Let us know how you get on.

Thank you, thank you all

Florence_J

This is how today went.

Went to the Job interview in good spirits, the interview itself was really good, then I had to do an inputting task on a software I had never seen before, let alone used, and the instructions could have been written in hieroglyphics for all the sense they made to me.

Although they said lovely things about me and how strong I was later, I didn't get the job.

I was ok with this news because by this point I had been to the doctor to talk about being tested for Borderline Personality Disorder.

My doctor is lovely, very sympathetic, very kind, and really listens and takes you seriously.

She said she would refer me to the Cardiff mental health service, and I showed her the print out of the test results I took and I did explain that I answered the test moderately in good spirits, rather than in a biased, highly strung emotional state. I told her I had asked my boyfriend to look through it as well.

She said she was glad to hear all that as it will help her when referring me, but she also had to tell me some bad news.

She said there is every chance the mental health service will reject my referral without even considering it, not because they don't think it is worth investigating, but because they might not be able to take on any new cases.

She said that how my tests are quantified would be very dependable on who sees me, what time of day they see me, how I'm feeling that day etc.

She said diagnosis can takes years, not months, not weeks (but I explained that I knew this)

She also said that as I seem to be high functioning in that I am holding down a long term relationship and a job with good responsibility (no matter how crippling I find it I can't deny it), even if they do diagnose me they might not offer me any support as I won't be considered a high risk case.

I said that I feel the world is divided into two types of people, those who want a label more than anything, and those who don't. I said I was very much in the former category. It's not that I want to have BPD, but I want an explanation for why I act the way I do, why I struggle with day to day life, why I am the way I am.

We discussed it and counselling is a clearly good thing for me, after I asked about her recommendation my doctor said it would probably be best to focus on Cognitive behavioural therapy first over general counselling, but in an ideal world I should have both.

The best thing my doctor gave me today was a sheet of useful contacts to get started with concerning counselling, including very low cost ones.

I have set up a free initial consultation with one counsellor I found which will take place next Monday. If I decide it's a good fit it will be £25 for a 50 minute session, but my potential counsellor to be did say she does rates on a sliding scale, so we might be able to negotiate something.

If it is a good fit I have asked my OH and we will break my 'no more borrowing money off him ever again' deal so that I can temporarily be lent money to attend sessions this month before my next pay day.

Whatever way I mangle my budgets I can't afford CBT. It's generally £45-50 a session, I can maybe just about do it if the month's were always four weeks between paydays, but if it was five sessions between paydays then that is me f * * * * *

I need a job in my home town, the trouble is saying that doesn't make it magically happen. I can't predict when it will happen, and it is the unpredictability of life that drives me crazy.

ada-or-ardor

What a fantastically productive day. Good luck with your next steps Florence. Scotland NHS have some self-help CBT online (I think it's called mindjuice), maybe this will supplement the normal counselling you find :-)

I hope your new counsellor and you get on well. Well done for getting an appointment. I personally think your health is well worth getting into a tiny bit more debt for - do you have anything you can sell to make up and pay it off quicker?!?! ;-)

Ada

jvr

Hi Florence,


Me and OH have had lots of arguments about bed time! I start work really early so I go to bed at 9.30 while OH starts late and goes after midnight.... there were lots of guilt trips about how I wasn't spending enough time with him and just stay up a bit longer bla bla... but I NEEEEEED my sleep I don't just get grumpy I panic about managing when tired and my mental health can really suffer. Perhaps this reliance on each other is not that healthy... if you went to bed at the right time would you always need his help to get up and going in the morning?


You may have BDP you may not, you seem to really understand the things you find harder than other people might. Have you tried listing positives too....? I hope that doesn't sound patronising, I have lived with depression on and off for years and it took me a long time to accept it and also realise that it brought horrible times but it has also made me very good as seeing peoples emotions and what they are going through and be more sensitive? Now that doesn't mean I wouldn't give it up in a heart beat not to get depressed but I find it helps me to see a positive that can come out of having mental health problems.


Most of all look after yourself and accept dealing with all those emotions is really hard and you are doing amazingly!


Also the cbt service is IAPT self referral ... when I looked on website it was leeds based but looks like there are options throughout England... not wales though