Daughter stopping me seeing my grandson unless I pay her

FBaby

Why oh why then did you ever bring up the potential of giving her some money? It's not because you have a decent life that you wouldn't welcome a bit of additional funds if offered. If you said you would, then she probably started to think of what she could do with it, maybe reduce her hours, do some work on the house, things that made her life easier. She looked forward to it and then you told her she was not getting it because you decided to in essence give that money to a total stranger instead.

A friend of mine experienced something a bit similar recently. She is a single parent, and even though she is doing ok, owns her own house, mortgage paid in a few years, she still needs to be very careful with her disposable income. Her kitchen is very old and ideally needs replacing, but she can't afford it. Her mum was staying over one day and as she herself used the kitchen, told friend that she agreed it needed updating, and as she was selling her house to downgrade, she would give her £5K to do it up when it happened. My friend was so grateful to her mum for the gift. However, the house was sold, she bought a new home, cashed the difference...but never mentioned the £5K again. My friend hasn't brought it up, but she felt let down as she had so looked forward to a new kitchen. She said to me that she never expected her mum to pay for it, but once you've promised something that would make you very happy, it is hard not to feel upset when that person that acts as if it was never promised.

Maybe your daughter feels the same, in which case, my advice is, don't ever make promises that you are not prepared to keep. Just say nothing and only offer something when you are in a position to do so.

FBaby

My daughter had it in her head that when the annex was rented out, she was going to receive the rental income. The rental income was estimated at £420.00 pc/m. I never agreed to this, only saying I would think about it.

Just read this again. I expect you and her have a different interpretation of the above. What made her think that she would get the rental unless if was hinted to her that this was likely possibility?

prowla

Does daughter own part of the house (the 70/30 split)?

moneyistooshorttomention

We don't know the exact words used in that conversation - so it is difficult to tell.

There is a human tendency to "see what we want to see", ie rather than seeing EXACTLY what is happening.

Obviously, we wonder why the daughter "had it in her head" that she would receive rental income from the annexe and that is an interesting question. Perhaps it might clarify if we know why the daughter "had it in her head". What was said to cause her to "have it in her head"?

When it came to saying "would think about it" - was that in response to a request to receive this (supposed) rental income and why did the daughter think she would receive income that is being paid "in kind", rather than "in cash"?

That much is unclear. That is true.

People can interpret things differently - even in the same family. I have just remembered some money I was promised (not that much) by my parents and it would specifically be towards buying my first house. It was a very clear precise promise - no possible misinterpretation of words. They decided to use that promise as a "lever" at the time it was due/needed in order to put pressure on me to change a (perfectly respectable in my generations' terms) lifestyle and threatened not to give it to me after all. It was an essential part of the money I was using to buy that house with. I had to proceed with buying that house with "my heart in my mouth" as to whether I was going to get that money or no - as I certainly wasn't going to be blackmailed into changing a perfectly respectable lifestyle (just not one their generation tends to approve of). Upshot was that I continued with buying the house with a fallback plan of "I'll take out a loan on top of that mortgage-to-be to cover the missing money if I don't get it after all". I didn't actually even know whether a loan company would have lent me the money or no - or whether I could have managed to make the repayments or no if they did:eek:.

I was also being threatened my father wouldn't help me after all with DIY work that was necessary as soon as I bought the house or it would be pretty unliveable-in.

All round - I was having pressure put on me to either Live Their Generations Lifestyle (rather than my own) or my finances might well "crash and burn". I refused to give way to pressure in either respect. They came round - they gave me the money and the DIY help and I forgave the attempt to pressurise me.

So - yep...it is true that I wonder what words the daughter was actually told and whether there is some disapproval of a perfectly respectable lifestyle.

It is difficult to know - without knowing the full facts.

moneyistooshorttomention

prowla wrote: »

Does daughter own part of the house (the 70/30 split)?

Valid question.

But I'm imagining that the split was 70% to her and 30% to her ex-husband (ie because he put less money into it than she did?).

prowla

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Valid question.

But I'm imagining that the split was 70% to her and 30% to her ex-husband (ie because he put less money into it than she did?).

There has to be some reason why the daughter thought that she was going to get the income from her mother renting out a room/annexe.

Pollycat

prowla wrote: »

There has to be some reason why the daughter thought that she was going to get the income from her mother renting out a room/annexe.

Yes - and one would think the OP would have included that very important piece of information in her posts - rather than going into detail about 'the bald, fat man' and the '25 year old kick-boxer' as the daughter's expectations about receiving the income from the letting of the annexe are key to the issue.

moneyistooshorttomention

So I guess we are boiling down to a consensus of opinion as to whether there has been some miscommunication somewhere between them back originally (ie before the kickboxer moved in).

I guess we can all think of quite a few instances where someone has said something - but because it wasn't in absolute precise exact words then that isn't what the "other party" in the conversation heard so to say. Though, goodness knows, it is even possible to have differences of opinion where there are "exact precise words" and they are down in writing at that - courtesy of one person disputing whether the words mean what they are commonly understood to mean.

Cheeky_Monkey

Chica_Cherry_Cola wrote: »

To give you an insight about how bad my phobia is. When I moved house, I traveled by canal boat. Taking 4 weeks to reach my destination.

:rotfl: Oh please *rolls eyes* Have you never heard of a train?

(Text removed by MSE Forum Team)

pigpen

I'd ring the ex and explain to him why she's suddenly changed her plans.. tell him she is blackmailing you and using the grandchild as a pawn and that you would not be backing down because where do you draw the line?

I would consider speaking to a solicitor about it too in case she does take it further..

My aunt was in a severe RTC (no one died) about 35 years ago and hasn't driven since.. it happens.