Daughter stopping me seeing my grandson unless I pay her

Chica_Cherry_Cola

She has stopped me seeing my grandson until I start paying her money she feels should be for her.

A bit of background. I divorced my husband of 17 years back in February. We agreed to a 70/30 split on our finances, due to me paying most of the money towards the house. I sold the house, and have since bought a new house. The whole ethos behind the move was to start afresh. A new chapter in my life so to say.

Back in July, I started a new job as a manager at a quaint pub in the next village. I would walk to and from work everyday along a quiet bridle path which links the two villages. It was common to see people walking home late at night in the summer, and I felt safe making that journey at night. It is vital to notify all readers, I have a phobia of driving. This is the reason why I walk.

A day after the clocks went back, I was walking home at around 1 in the morning when I suddenly heard footsteps behind me. I looked back to see a fat bald man following me. I picked up the pace to gain a distance from him. He caught up to me, and was walking so close to me it was almost as if I could feel him breathing down my neck. I honestly thought I was going to be attacked.

To my relief, I could hear voices coming in front of me. It was a group of young lads on their way home. I stopped them, asking the time. The fat bald guy walked past, to which I explained to the lads that he was following me. They kindly walked me home. I was so frightened. When we got to my house, I had to get them to check nobody was in the house before I would go in.

Since then, I would only work daytime hours. Refusing to walk home after dark. This was becoming a problem with the pub owner, as a manager needed to on duty during the evening. I decided to put out an ad offering my self contained annex rent free on the condition the tenant has to walk me home from work at night. I received plenty of offers from people wanting the annex, and in the end settled with a 25 year old kickboxer. He does walk me home every night, but what is more important is feeling safe at home on my own knowing someone is not far away.

My daughter had it in her head that when the annex was rented out, she was going to receive the rental income. The rental income was estimated at £420.00 pc/m. I never agreed to this, only saying I would think about it. We have rowed several times about me letting it out for free. She thinks what I have done is stupid. When I spoke to the police about the man following me, they advised me to not walk home on my own if possible.

I have made it possible to have someone walking me home. My daughter won't accept this, and thinks I am being stupid. Tonight she has stopped me from seeing my grandson. She has cancelled coming down for Christmas, and won't change her mind until I see sense. What am I supposed to do?

She is financially sound. Her and her partner are both in well paid jobs. They don't need the money. She is being greedy.

C_Mababejive

Why did the subject of the rental income being paid to your daughter ever arise? What has it to do with her? I presume you are charging rent to the kick boxer and have a lodger rental agreement?

Chica_Cherry_Cola

C_Mababejive wrote: »

Why did the subject of the rental income being paid to your daughter ever arise? What has it to do with her? I presume you are charging rent to the kick boxer and have a lodger rental agreement?

She must have saw it as easy money for her. When she first suggested it I thought she was joking. The more she pressed the more I considered giving her the money. I do sometimes feel I need to make an extra effort after the divorce, because I am on my own for the first time in my life.

My tenant is an excluded occupier at the moment. The annex doesn't have a bathroom meaning he is using the downstairs bathroom in my house. I am not charging him any rent.

duchy

Your daughter sounds like she has entitlement issues -was she very spoilt by you and your husband.

To use her child as a weapon is disgusting but bottom line is if you give in to her - she will try to blackmail you everytime she wants something from you.

Hard as it is -you have to say no to her threats

Even if she does believe you have gone back o what she feels was an agreement using your grandson in this way is disgusting. I'd be ashamed if my grown son behaved like this.

moneyistooshorttomention

Astonished at her even having had the through cross her mind that "your" rent should go into "her" pocket!!!!!

Sounds like you've found an arrangement that suits you (and the kickboxer) - if of a somewhat unconventional nature. So that's your business and between you and your tenant.

It just sounds so odd to me that she would even ask for any of your income like this. Mind you - having said that and I've just recalled the daughter of a friend of mine who makes any excuse to get money out of my friend (even though my friend seems to be basically doing a part-time job in their retirement in large part to help subsidise this daughter).

So - I guess there are some like it out there...

It sounds like blackmail basically that she is doing to you. The question is whether its empty threats or she really would prevent you seeing your grandchild. I'd hazard a guess that she doesn't really mean it and is just using every tactic she can think of to try and get money out of you.

In your position - it would worry me in case she really meant it. But I would tend to regard it just an empty threat, which I doubt she would implement. After all - I bet she wants you as a free babysitter still. What other arrangements would she be likely to make for babysitting if you weren't doing it? I'd be willing to bet she cant find free babysitting anywhere else.

So:
- state (firmly and repeatedly) that "I am not receiving rent from my tenant - he pays me in kind by walking me home to keep me safe. He and I are both happy with this arrangement. It's working out ok."

- state "Whatever other income I receive is MINE and nothing to do with you. I don't ask you for any of YOUR income".

- remind her that she would lose her free babysitting from you and tell her what sort of rate of pay babysitters normally charge and of any bad tales you've heard about paid babysitters (I've certainly read some).

My experience in life to date has been that, if someone intends to hurt me in some way, they just go ahead and try and do so and I find out afterwards. Anyone threatening that they "WILL" hurt you (ie in the future) if you don't do what they want has turned out not to mean it and I stood up to them and found that they had indeed been lying - as they didn't hurt me as per their threat. It is scarey to stand there and refuse to give in to blackmail I know - but you will be proud of yourself when you do so and find that it was just words and they didn't implement their threat.

pigpen

I'd be having the kickboxer offer some lessons as part of the agreement! So you have a chance to defend yourself, people get attacked in daylight too!!

Your daughter sounds like a vile spoiled brat.. tell her to buzz off and she's not getting a penny.. and if you never said she was then you're not going back on what you said.. did she think you would let her live there rent free?? Or just that you would give her the money from a lodgers rent? either way the sense of entitlement and utter greed is appalling.. I'd be delighted if my mother had such an opportunity to gain a little 'easy' income.

Just say fine if that's how you want it.. she will soon realise how stupid she has been and will want favours and babysitting or something and relent.. My sons ex did the same to him with their boy.. she lasted 3 weeks!!

Don't give in or she will have won and use him as a weapon every time you don't comply to her greed and spite.


Glad you escaped the scary dude unharmed!

If you don't like driving could you cycle? or get a little moped or electric bike? .. Just thinking of something that might be a bit safer and quicker.

tea_lover

School holidays already?

Topcat1982

I'm so confused.

Why does the daughter think she owns part of the flat? Did she lend you money for the deposit? There must be something more to this!

mai_taylor

I agree with your daughter you're being silly, get yourself a flash light and a rape alarm and man up or drive the very short journey. But I don't agree that she should have any money, why would she expect this, you must have gave her the impression that she was going to get something out of it?

enthusiasticsaver

Your daughter is being unreasonable and greedy. If this arrangement works for you then I would point out that if you cannot work you cannot pay your bills and would feel very isolated. Do you see your daughter and grandson quite a lot normally?


I am unsure as to why she would even think she is entitled to the rent on your annexe anyway given she works and has her own home. Most peculiar. Has your relationship been fine up until this point and does she have any contact with your ex? Maybe he is behind all this if you got the majority of the matrimonial home split.


I certainly would not let your grandson be a bargaining chip in all this as that way madness lies.

fairy_lights

Why would your daughter ever assume she would receive rental the income from your annex? Even if you were charging your kickboxer rent, that would be your money not hers. It doesn't make any sense at all.
It sounds like you and your lodger have an arrangement that suits you both, but I would be wary of becoming too reliant on him. What if he is ill one night and can't walk you home, or gets stuck at work, or goes on holiday etc. Can you get a taxi home or liftshare with a co-worker?
Maybe your daughter is concerned that you are being taken for a ride by letting him live rent free.