Daughter stopping me seeing my grandson unless I pay her

pigpen

cbrown372 wrote: »

Sorry dear, you have obviously never worked in managing or owning a pub, if I get a moment over the weekend I'll look out my last set of accounts from when I did and let you see the total for the year of my contract with the local taxi firm

BTW a taxi was provided for all staff with no evening transport from the pot washer to the manager and was not dependant on their wage level.

My daughter pays for a taxi home out of her tips.. she has never had one paid for.. nor did my sister the 15 years she worked in pubs

Pollycat

pigpen wrote: »

My daughter pays for a taxi home out of her tips.. she has never had one paid for.. nor did my sister the 15 years she worked in pubs

But from other posts it's clear that some employer's do.

pigpen

Pollycat wrote: »

But from other posts it's clear that some employer's do.

Indeed.. but not all which is what was seemingly being implied.. I really wish they did provide taxi's .. my daughter is tiny, just turned 18 and there have been a lot of sex attacks here lately.. it is very worrying, the reassurance of an employer covering taxis would be very very welcome!

cbrown372

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

????? Since when??????

Pubs tend to have NMW jobs and I would be VERY surprised indeed if any of them were prepared to pay a taxi fare for staff, as well as their wages. I've certainly never heard of it.

Of course, if you can produce:

a. Evidence that HMRC will allow this without deducting tax from it (ie the number of relevant paragraph, relevant page its on from HMRC manuals, etc)

AND

b. Evidence that its commonplace for pubs to cover the taxi fares of their staff after their turn of duty (ie as well as pay them wages)

.......

pigpen wrote: »

Indeed.. but not all which is what was seemingly being implied.. I really wish they did provide taxi's .. my daughter is tiny, just turned 18 and there have been a lot of sex attacks here lately.. it is very worrying, the reassurance of an employer covering taxis would be very very welcome!

Thats a shame that her employer doesn't help out with taxi's for the safety of staff at night but I certainly didn't imply that all pubs/hotels would do this but it was suggested above that I prove that ANY pub would lay on a taxi for their staff.

Amara

I live in semi-rural area. There're three taxis in area and getting hold on them is quite difficult. If pub is based in remote location and taxi company has to drive long way, charge can be quite expensive or customer wouldn't be able taxi at all, not worth it for them.

Chica_Cherry_Cola

Some of these replies have left me astonished. School holidays? Telling me to man up? I am leading you all on? The time I posted at? My tenant is my new fella?

How rude. I am way past my best years to have a hunky toyboy. I finished school 26 years ago. I can't man up, because I am not a man. I finish work in the early hours of the morning. That is why I am awake in the early hours. There was a reply 15 minutes after me. I was not the only person awake at that time. Ask yourself this question: If I am having you all on, what am I aiming to achieve?

On to the taxi situation. My employer did offer to get me a taxi. My phobia of driving extends to being a passenger in a car, or a bus. We came to a compromise that I would work the daytime until my circumstances changed. To give you an insight about how bad my phobia is. When I moved house, I traveled by canal boat. Taking 4 weeks to reach my destination.

My fear of driving has been with me since 2001. I was involved in a fatal RTC. Since then, I have not been able to make a journey on the road. I have suffered from PTSD, depression and generalised anxiety disorder. My husband did try one time to take me in the car, and I had a panic attack within half a mile. I have had counselling. What has become apparent is, I won't ever drive again as long as I live.

Finally on to what I came here to discuss, my daughter. When we sold the house we had planning permission for an old barn on the land to be converted into a four bedroom house. The sale value of the house was much more than we bought it for. My new house cost half of what was left from my 70% share of the assets.

She knows I have extra money put aside, and a regular monthly income. When she first suggested receiving the money, it was to make life easier for them. They are in no financial hardship. If they were, I would help them.

Her latest message was telling me she is spending Christmas with dad. It is hurting me knowing this will be my first Christmas alone. I love her, and my grandson dearly. She knows I would do anything for them. Someone said she is blackmailing me. I can see she is. She knows I have something that will generate a decent income. An income I don't need, and she wants it.

What can I do? Not give her money, and lose her? Or give her it knowing that is all she wants me for? It was never like this when there was no money to be had.

moneyistooshorttomention

It's often easier to write a letter to someone - rather than saying something to them personally.

Would it be possible to write her a letter then, telling her:
- how much you love her and your grandchild
- saying what you understand her to be "asking" you for (ie the income you could get if you received rental income)
- reiterating that you don't receive rental income as cash (because you are having it in kind instead - ie those walks home and the security of knowing someone else is nearby justincase)
- stating firmly (but politely) that your income is your business, just as her income is her business
- saying something to effect of how it would impact on your grandchild to be prevented from seeing his grandma
- reminding her of any free babysitting services, etc, you provide for her

- and ending with repeating firmly that she wont be having any income you have (or she thinks you could have) and it isn't fair of her to expect it

- final words being to repeat that you love her and your grandchild and hope all can continue as normal.

***************

At that point - you've done everything you reasonably can and the ball is in her court. It is worrying to have someone trying to blackmail you into doing what they want - but do remember that my experience has been that people who threaten to do things don't do them. My experience of attempts to blackmail me into doing what they wanted have been by current neighbours. Also by my last employer (who I was with for many years latterly). I didn't give in to either. I understand why you would be more worried than some that a blackmailer might really mean it - in view of the effect of that car accident on you. But my personal view is that I'm not inclined to view that as realistic.

Bear in mind too that we don't know the age of the grandchild - but I'm guessing they are old enough to add their voice to it (ie if only at repeating "Wanna see granny" at regular intervals at your daughter.

Topcat1982

Chica_Cherry_Cola wrote: »

Her latest message was telling me she is spending Christmas with dad. It is hurting me knowing this will be my first Christmas alone. I love her, and my grandson dearly. She knows I would do anything for them. Someone said she is blackmailing me. I can see she is. She knows I have something that will generate a decent income. An income I don't need, and she wants it.

What can I do? Not give her money, and lose her? Or give her it knowing that is all she wants me for? It was never like this when there was no money to be had.

If you give in to blackmail where would it lead? If she knows it works next it will be buy me a new TV or you're not seeing your grandson, give me the deposit for a flat etc etc

Pollycat

Chica_Cherry_Cola wrote: »

She knows I have extra money put aside, and a regular monthly income. When she first suggested receiving the money, it was to make life easier for them. They are in no financial hardship. If they were, I would help them.

If they are in no financial hardship, what is she planning to do with the £5K per annum from the rental of the annexe?

Chica_Cherry_Cola wrote: »

Her latest message was telling me she is spending Christmas with dad. It is hurting me knowing this will be my first Christmas alone. I love her, and my grandson dearly. She knows I would do anything for them. Someone said she is blackmailing me. I can see she is. She knows I have something that will generate a decent income. An income I don't need, and she wants it.

What can I do? Not give her money, and lose her? Or give her it knowing that is all she wants me for? It was never like this when there was no money to be had.

She has clearly changed her Christmas plans to cause the maximum hurt to you.

If your grandson is as fond of you as you are of him, she is actively using him against you.

That is a particularly despicable and calculating act on her part to use a child - her own child - as a pawn in a game to get what she wants.

I think only you can decide whether you will bow to this grasping, blackmailing b*tch and regain a relationship with your grandson but if it were me and I did that, I would be waiting for the axe to fall on my head with her next money-making scheme.

You've provided clarifying information in your recent post but not said how old your grandson is.

You've also not said what her husband - also the parent of your grandson - thinks about this.

paddy's_mum

It would seem that you have reached an impasse.

Would agreeing with her to put half of the (supposed) income from the annexe rental into an untouchable savings account for your grandson provide some kind of solution?

I know that it is kind of bending beneath her blackmail but if the alternative is that you lose touch with the people you love the most ...