Women who keep their married name YEARS after the divorce.

Jagraf

tea_lover wrote: »

Flipping heck second wives, get over it.

Lol. I've never thought about this (being the ex wife ). My ex husbands second wife uses her maiden name anyway. im so detached from my first husband I don't even recognise the fact that the name is 'his' except when the pharmacist calks my name out and for one scary moment I think my ex mother in law is stood behind me :rotfl:

pigpen

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I would be (more than a little) irritated too.

Though I am/always will be a "Ms" regardless - I would be taking the view of "How dare she still make out she is his wife? She isn't any more - and hasn't been for x years. Stupid woman." followed by virtual polishing my badge gesture (ie translation of "I am my own person - if she isn't").

But it would upset me that another woman was making out she was married to MY husband - even though I was and she wasn't iyswim.

It would just feel like such a waste of time to tell people the facts, ie "She used to be married to him and she doesn't seem to see herself as a person in her own right. But....actually. I'm his wife now and I AM a person-in-own-right and hence I've kept my own surname", followed by proud polish of mental badge on lapel. I would resent an ex putting me through having to give those explanations personally - even though I would know that he was my husband now and not hers.

I've been so preoccupied with escaping a 'tag' to the cretinous ex and the druggy he is marrying next year I couldn't bear to be associated with even by a name.. however responses like this scream.. yes.. keep using his name.. a lovely little bunch of bees in their bonnet.. I hadn't even considered how much it may annoy them.. I will keep the name just to pee them off.. the small victories matter!

I am quite definitely my own person but that doesn't mean I cannot do my little bit to cause them aggravation .. with a little bit of smug thrown in.

He already tried getting a judge to order me to not use his surname so I know it causes grief.. makes it all worthwhile.. so thank you for that new perspective.

Gloomendoom

patanne wrote: »

I would hope that my ex and his current wife would have MUCH better and more interesting things to think about than what name I care to go under. Added to which it really isn't any of their business.

Exactly. I've never given it a second thought. My wife couldn't care less.

Having said that, I was a bit miffed when I discovered that there is somebody on death row in America with exactly the same name as me.

I read his trial transcripts and, even though I don't support the death penalty, he deserves to be there.

tea_lover

This thread has reminded me (in a roundabout way) that it's my ex-husbands birthday today. The last I heard he was living in America (though a mutual friend, several years ago). I know he's remarried and now has children.

I don't suppose his wife has given a second thought to what I call myself - why on earth would she? I kept my married name for several reasons but they were about me, not him.

To be annoyed at a previous wife using the name she's perfectly entitled to use is very insecure. I can only imagine that the relationship started while he was still married to wife one and you're trying to prove a point - that you 'won'.

cbrown372

Pollycat wrote: »

How is she 'making out she's still his wife' and 'still married to him'?

I kept my married name after divorce and I'll tell you for nothing, I was most definitely a person in my own right.
A full-time well-paid job, my own house, paying my own bills.

Why are some people so hung up over a name?
The name doesn't define you - it's the person you are that defines you.

Why on earth would you feel you had to explain to anybody about a woman who used to be married to the man you're with now and kept her married name?

Such a lot of resentment.

I reckon its one of the funniest moral dilemma threads I've ever read on this board and this one is real :eek:

:rotfl:

mumps

cbrown372 wrote: »

I reckon its one of the funniest moral dilemma threads I've ever read on this board and this one is real :eek:

:rotfl:

I can't decide if I am more amazed that a 2nd wife would care what the first wife is called, that people read so much into a woman changing/not changing her name on marriage or that people feel so "defined" by 2, 3 or four letters in front of their name. I'm not sure if I am a bit dim or just too busy to have noticed this whole fraught area of life. It takes all sorts.

I do agree with someone who mentioned the whole name, I mean if I was called Hazel I don't think I'd change my name if I married Mr Nut. Just a personal quirk.:rotfl:

Maureen43

When I first split from my ex I didn't feel any particular motivation to ditch his name.


Now, 3 years on, I would quite like to be shot of it!


However my choices are:


1) My maiden name / my Dad's surname (a really silly name which nobody ever got right)
2) My mum's maiden name (this would upset my dad)
3) Something completely different! I could be anything I want...in fact I could change my title from Mrs - how about Reverend or Admiral?!
4) Do nothing because it is all too much faff (this is the current selection......)


M.

pigpen

Maureen43 wrote: »

When I first split from my ex I didn't feel any particular motivation to ditch his name.


Now, 3 years on, I would quite like to be shot of it!


However my choices are:


1) My maiden name / my Dad's surname (a really silly name which nobody ever got right)
2) My mum's maiden name (this would upset my dad)
3) Something completely different! I could be anything I want...in fact I could change my title from Mrs - how about Reverend or Admiral?!
4) Do nothing because it is all too much faff (this is the current selection......)


M.

I have the same choices.. with

5) use OH's name but as pay to change my name and the names of our 3 daughters we may as well get married!

or my newly acquired option 6) Keep CF's name to pee off his new punchbag!

Torry_Quine

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I accept that but surely, even in Scotland, you hear the title Ms used when referring to female politicians etc on the television?

The fact remains (and I wasn't having a go at Torry) that she has learned something from this thread and hopefully now realises that some of the things that she thought of as odd are actually normal.

I have never said that it's odd to use Ms and no I haven't really learned much other than some people think that you aren't your own person if you change your name on getting married.

What politicians etc on TV use is not really an indicator of life for the majority

Mojisola

coolcait wrote: »

The exceptions seem to be the correspondents to the local newspaper. Even then, I wonder if it is the newspaper's decision to assign a title to their correspondents (except 'Name Withheld'), and they opt for 'Ms' because it covers all options!

Why wouldn't they use Ms for all female correspondents?

They don't label male correspondents as married or single so why should they make that distinction for women?