Women who keep their married name YEARS after the divorce.

balletshoes

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It is the norm though for women and many men to wear a wedding ring. Obviously that's a personal choice but I can only think of one woman I know who doesn't wear one, apart from pregnant women who have to take them off when their fingers swell.

I don't notice who's wearing a wedding ring or not.
I often don't wear mine, in the very cold weather its a little loose and several times its slipped off my finger and luckily dropped into my glove or my bag. I hardly ever wear it at home.
One of my friends wore her gran's wedding ring on her wedding ring finger, she wasn't married or in a serious relationship.

theoretica

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't think there is a 'norm' any more. I always ask about-to-be-couples what names they will be using.

How boring - I try to persuade them of the virtues of triple barrelled names or mashing the most ridiculous halves of the two names together. No-one has yet followed my suggestion, but I do get told what they plan to do instead.

coolcait

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Well, now you know better.;)

To be fair, as I've noted already on this thread, there may well have been a regional aspect to the usage of Ms.


Going by Torry's user name she's from a different part of Scotland from me, but women in my local area also didn't/don't use 'Ms' as a rule.


The exceptions seem to be the correspondents to the local newspaper. Even then, I wonder if it is the newspaper's decision to assign a title to their correspondents (except 'Name Withheld'), and they opt for 'Ms' because it covers all options!

patanne

I would hope that my ex and his current wife would have MUCH better and more interesting things to think about than what name I care to go under. Added to which it really isn't any of their business.

duchy

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I love being the fact that I am known as married by my name.;)


It wasn't in any way a usual thing until very recently for women to use Ms in my experience.

Possibly that is down to the social circles you mix in though.

All my working life (since the late 70s) I've known women who've used Ms who are neither divorced or lesbian Some because they are making a feminist statement, some because they don't care to be defined by whether they are married or not and others just becuse they want to. I've certainly never tried to attach the judgements some people on here have done to what is a simple personal choice.

As for the second Mrs Smith getting stroppy that the first Mrs Smith still uses the name she's used for years -that to me just smacks of insecurity on the part of the second Mrs Smith .

lush_walrus

I kept my surname to keep the name alive its quite unusual and I was / am the last of our name in our family. Had that not been my desire A secondary reason to retain it was to acknowledge the care my parents took in considering my name as a whole when naming me, the synergy between fore and surname. Names to me are very important I find professionally judgements are made according to names - rightly or wrongly that is a different discussion.

If those reasons had not existed as I am both a professional and a partner in a business, I would have retained my name regardless to prevent the inconveniences of altering Partnership details and notifying numerous governing bodies I belong to.

Our children have both our names within theirs again to extend the life of my name a little further.

I find the ideas of name changes reflecting ownership very alien in today's society. I am aware of the history of this, however as a very judgemental person I have never judged a name change as a signal of ownership where as a retained name a sign that person has stamped their feet and will not be owned by their husband. My husband was chosen as he views is as equal, my father views women as more powerful than men, many of my friends have and are men, so perhaps as I have never experienced this I don't feel a need to kick against it. For me a name change is always the woman's choice, I can not imagine it being a conditon of anyone's marriage in modern times.

Feminism seems to be banded around in the discussion as if changing your name / defining yourself as Mrs is less powerful than retaining your surname. That to me is a nonsense, the battle for equality in marriage in the western world was won far back.

As for when divorced as I have my name it would never present an issue, however I can imagine I would want to disassociate myself with a family I were not part of, with children they would need consideration. Without them I can only imagine wanting to revert to my family name and the connections with that.

Pollycat

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I would be (more than a little) irritated too.

Though I am/always will be a "Ms" regardless - I would be taking the view of "How dare she still make out she is his wife? She isn't any more - and hasn't been for x years. Stupid woman." followed by virtual polishing my badge gesture (ie translation of "I am my own person - if she isn't").

But it would upset me that another woman was making out she was married to MY husband - even though I was and she wasn't iyswim.

How is she 'making out she's still his wife' and 'still married to him'?

I kept my married name after divorce and I'll tell you for nothing, I was most definitely a person in my own right.
A full-time well-paid job, my own house, paying my own bills.

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

It would just feel like such a waste of time to tell people the facts, ie "She used to be married to him and she doesn't seem to see herself as a person in her own right. But....actually. I'm his wife now and I AM a person-in-own-right and hence I've kept my own surname", followed by proud polish of mental badge on lapel. I would resent an ex putting me through having to give those explanations personally - even though I would know that he was my husband now and not hers.

Why are some people so hung up over a name?
The name doesn't define you - it's the person you are that defines you.

Why on earth would you feel you had to explain to anybody about a woman who used to be married to the man you're with now and kept her married name?

Such a lot of resentment.

missbiggles1

coolcait wrote: »

To be fair, as I've noted already on this thread, there may well have been a regional aspect to the usage of Ms.


Going by Torry's user name she's from a different part of Scotland from me, but women in my local area also didn't/don't use 'Ms' as a rule.


The exceptions seem to be the correspondents to the local newspaper. Even then, I wonder if it is the newspaper's decision to assign a title to their correspondents (except 'Name Withheld'), and they opt for 'Ms' because it covers all options!

I accept that but surely, even in Scotland, you hear the title Ms used when referring to female politicians etc on the television?

The fact remains (and I wasn't having a go at Torry) that she has learned something from this thread and hopefully now realises that some of the things that she thought of as odd are actually normal.

missbiggles1

lush_walrus wrote: »

I kept my surname to keep the name alive its quite unusual and I was / am the last of our name in our family. Had that not been my desire A secondary reason to retain it was to acknowledge the care my parents took in considering my name as a whole when naming me, the synergy between fore and surname. Names to me are very important I find professionally judgements are made according to names - rightly or wrongly that is a different discussion.

If those reasons had not existed as I am both a professional and a partner in a business, I would have retained my name regardless to prevent the inconveniences of altering Partnership details and notifying numerous governing bodies I belong to.

Our children have both our names within theirs again to extend the life of my name a little further.

I find the ideas of name changes reflecting ownership very alien in today's society. I am aware of the history of this, however as a very judgemental person I have never judged a name change as a signal of ownership where as a retained name a sign that person has stamped their feet and will not be owned by their husband. My husband was chosen as he views is as equal, my father views women as more powerful than men, many of my friends have and are men, so perhaps as I have never experienced this I don't feel a need to kick against it. For me a name change is always the woman's choice, I can not imagine it being a conditon of anyone's marriage in modern times.

Feminism seems to be banded around in the discussion as if changing your name / defining yourself as Mrs is less powerful than retaining your surname. That to me is a nonsense, the battle for equality in marriage in the western world was won far back.

As for when divorced as I have my name it would never present an issue, however I can imagine I would want to disassociate myself with a family I were not part of, with children they would need consideration. Without them I can only imagine wanting to revert to my family name and the connections with that.

I'm afraid that, if you really think that, you're seriously deluded.

Pollycat

Back in the mid-70s, I was Miss Polly C on Friday, the day after I was Mrs Polly B.

I was still the same person.

Years later, I got divorced and was still Mrs Polly B - when I received my decree absolute I was still the same person as I was before the postman came.
Then I got married again and Mrs Polly B became Mrs Polly C.

I didn't wake up the day after the wedding and find a total stranger in the mirror.

I have changed over the years but it's not the change of my name that's done that - it's just old Father Time - I'm still me - Polly. :hello: :rotfl: