Women who keep their married name YEARS after the divorce.

TBagpuss

patanne wrote: »

I can completely understand people (M & F) keeping their own names professionally, but I sometimes wonder if they do that in their private lives because most of their friends are living together unmarried and are somehow embarrassed to admit to having succumbed to convention enough to actually get married.

Although, I have come across the opposite too, where someone has changed their name to their partners by deed poll & wonder why, because it would have been cheaper just to get married.

I think that for many people it has nothing to do with what their riends may be doing, and much more to do with their own, personal identity. I'm not married, but I very muchdoubt that I would change my name if I were to marry, becuase I don't see any real reason to. My name is part of who I am, and being married would not change who I am, so why would I want to change my name? Also - why go through the hassle? Considering how many things have my name on, from financial products to professional qualifications to property. it seems like a pointless exercise.

I suppose I might consider it if my (hypothetical) husband to be had strong opinions on the matter, because if someone I love asks me to do soemthing I would always give it consideration and discuss it, whther I decide to o it or not, but to be honest, most of the men I have met who have felt really strongly about it have come across as quite insecure, and seem to see it lmostas a badge of ownership, which rubs me up the wrong way.

I think that changeing your name if you divorce is siomilar - if you have made the change once for a husband, you know how much hassle is involved and how long it taks to get used to a new name. You may well have had the marriaed name as long as, or longer than, you had you maiden name. You may share it with children. if you are chosing to kep using it then you normally have made it part of your identity - its your name, why would you change it simply becuase you are no longer with a former spouse? After all, if he feels strongly that he no longer wants to share a name with you there is nothing to stop him doing a change of name deed and going by a different name himself.

By definiation, if you are divorced, you and the choices you make are no longer any of your ex-spouse's business.

(on a purely practuical basis, not eveyone knows that they can change - I deal with divorces and am ioften asked by people whether / when they are 'allowed' to change their names, and whether they 'have' to)

missbiggles1

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I have never said that it's odd to use Ms and no I haven't really learned much other than some people think that you aren't your own person if you change your name on getting married.

What politicians etc on TV use is not really an indicator of life for the majority

Female politicians on television are probably the most visible examples many people see of professional women other than the family doctor.

Torry_Quine

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Female politicians on television are probably the most visible examples many people see of professional women other than the family doctor.

True but they have little bearing on how I adress the women in my life.;)

A GP will be known as Dr so no real comparison

Person_one

jaylee3 wrote: »

Each to their own. It's just my opinion. Nothing to do with 'insecurity.' I prefer to be called MRS as I am actually married. Why call someone who is married 'Ms'? Same with a single woman for that matter... She is a Miss not a Ms.

JMO.

But yes, you're right that people do make a fuss out of very little. We are all guilty of it at some point. Including me.

I'm a single woman but I haven't been a Miss since I was about 16 and realised an option exists that doesn't label women based on their marital status.

People should address you as you wish to be addressed, once they are aware of your preference. You apparently want to be a Mrs and feel it's important that people know you're married. I might not agree that that's the best thing to do, but I would always respect it and address you that way, so please do other women like me the same courtesy and don't have the nerve to decide for us that we are 'Miss' when we are most certainly not!

ElusiveLucy

I was married for only 3 years (after an 11 year relationship) and have no intention of going back to my maiden name for two reasons:
(1) I can't be bothered with the hassle of changing the name on all my accounts etc
(2) My maiden name is unusual and I get fed up with the comments, requests to spell it etc and my married name is a lot simpler

lush_walrus

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I'm afraid that, if you really think that, you're seriously deluded.

And your example of this is?

missbiggles1

lush_walrus wrote: »

And your example of this is?

You're the one who thinks that all western countries have full equality within marriage despite having, presumably, read this thread.

Perhaps you could give some examples of how you think this works.

LameWolf

From a purely practical point of view, an ex-wife who has an atrocious credit record retaining her ex-husband's fairly unusual surname makes it very awkward for a second wife who is debt-phobic but has the same initial as the ex when the banks get the two of them mixed up.

lush_walrus

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Female politicians on television are probably the most visible examples many people see of professional women other than the family doctor.

A Politician male or female is not necessarily a professional person. The role of Politician is not a professional one, there are no professional exams to become a Politician. A profession is an occupation which requires extensive training, formal training and invariably a governing body. Politicians can approach the carrier without that. Doctors can not. Lawyers, Architects, Doctors, Judges, Dentists, Vets debatably Accountants are professions. Some consider teachers, nurses to also be professions, some less so.

lush_walrus

missbiggles1 wrote: »

You're the one who thinks that all western countries have full equality within marriage despite having, presumably, read this thread.

Perhaps you could give some examples of how you think this works.

Nice try at deflection where an answer is not there. I have read the thread and have not found an example of a woman who feels an inequality in their current or past relationship I have however seen a lot of shouting down of women by women of those not sharing the same view.