Women who keep their married name YEARS after the divorce.

moneyistooshorttomention

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I am curious to know the answer to this too. Why is lame wolf so irritated that her husband's ex still uses his name? I don't think I would care.

I would be (more than a little) irritated too.

Though I am/always will be a "Ms" regardless - I would be taking the view of "How dare she still make out she is his wife? She isn't any more - and hasn't been for x years. Stupid woman." followed by virtual polishing my badge gesture (ie translation of "I am my own person - if she isn't").

But it would upset me that another woman was making out she was married to MY husband - even though I was and she wasn't iyswim.

It would just feel like such a waste of time to tell people the facts, ie "She used to be married to him and she doesn't seem to see herself as a person in her own right. But....actually. I'm his wife now and I AM a person-in-own-right and hence I've kept my own surname", followed by proud polish of mental badge on lapel. I would resent an ex putting me through having to give those explanations personally - even though I would know that he was my husband now and not hers.

tea_lover

Flipping heck second wives, get over it.

Snakey

I was Miss X. Then I was Mrs Y. Now I am Ms Y. If I ever get married again I will remain Ms Y.

Why Miss when I was single? Because I was young and the past is a different country and that was what you did. I like to think that if I was young now I'd be a Ms, and also that I'd change my name to Ms Z on my eighteenth birthday.

Why Mrs Y when I got married? Two reasons, one was that it was part of the whole getting-married thing back then rather than the active choice that it is now, but the main one was that I'd never liked the name X. I like to think that if I was that age now, I'd be Ms Y (if I wasn't Ms Z, as above - if I was, I'd keep that).

Why Ms Y now? Because I liked the name, I'd got used to it and it felt more like "me" than my maiden name ever had, because I'd only just got around to changing all my bank accounts and couldn't be bothered to change it all again, because I still didn't like my maiden name, and because I'd got professional qualifications in that name. Also, none of my friends or colleagues even knew I'd been married, so it wasn't as if I had to deal with any questions or judgement on the subject.

I may change my name when I retire, to Ms Z. A new name for a new phase of my life. I'll just pick one I like. It will also help me weed out junk mail, should such a thing still exist by then.

I do hope that the new (actually, the long-standing, by now) Mrs Y is not under the impression that by keeping the surname Y I'm pretending I'm still Mr Y's wife, or that I don't see myself as a person in my own right.

jaylee3

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I would be (more than a little) irritated too.

Though I am/always will be a "Ms" regardless - I would be taking the view of "How dare she still make out she is his wife? She isn't any more - and hasn't been for x years. Stupid woman." followed by virtual polishing my badge gesture (ie translation of "I am my own person - if she isn't").

But it would upset me that another woman was making out she was married to MY husband - even though I was and she wasn't iyswim.

It would just feel like such a waste of time to tell people the facts, ie "She used to be married to him and she doesn't seem to see herself as a person in her own right. But....actually. I'm his wife now and I AM a person-in-own-right and hence I've kept my own surname", followed by proud polish of mental badge on lapel. I would resent an ex putting me through having to give those explanations personally - even though I would know that he was my husband now and not hers.

tea_lover wrote: »

Flipping heck second wives, get over it.

I agree.

Why get so annoyed about your husband's ex wife keeping the name? I wouldn't give a stuff... he would still be 'mine' not hers. :cool:

System

notanewuser wrote: »

Why are you content to be defined by your marital status when men aren't?

Why do i wear a wedding ring (although i havent for many years) and he doesnt?

Because someone i didnt know noticed i wasnt wearing a wedding ring at our daughters wedding and referred to my husband as my partner. He doesnt wear one because of his job (and the wedding ring he originally had when we married only fits his little finger - or it did do until it was stolen).

I'm more than his partner, i'm his wife.

I know it shouldnt bother me but it did.

missbiggles1

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I love being the fact that I am known as married by my name.;)


It wasn't in any way a usual thing until very recently for women to use Ms in my experience.

Well, now you know better.;)

Goldiegirl

I haven't worn my wedding ring for quite a few years, as I have sensitive skin on my hands, and it was bringing me out in rashes.

I don't know if strangers think I'm my husband's wife/partner/girlfriend, and to be honest, I don't care. My husband and I know who I am, that's all that matters to us

Kim_kim

Judi wrote: »

Personally i would use:

Miss before i got married.
Mrs after i got married.
Ms if i was divorced or separated.

If i was widowed i'd still use Mrs.

I'm twice divorced, I've used Mrs since my first marriage.

I do think Mr & Ms are more appropriate than in today's modern world.

Torry_Quine

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Well, now you know better.;)

No, now I know differently, although I don't have any one who uses it in my friends and family.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I haven't worn my wedding ring for quite a few years, as I have sensitive skin on my hands, and it was bringing me out in rashes.

I don't know if strangers think I'm my husband's wife/partner/girlfriend, and to be honest, I don't care. My husband and I know who I am, that's all that matters to us

It is the norm though for women and many men to wear a wedding ring. Obviously that's a personal choice but I can only think of one woman I know who doesn't wear one, apart from pregnant women who have to take them off when their fingers swell.

Georgiegirl256

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I would be (more than a little) irritated too.

Though I am/always will be a "Ms" regardless - I would be taking the view of "How dare she still make out she is his wife? She isn't any more - and hasn't been for x years. Stupid woman." followed by virtual polishing my badge gesture (ie translation of "I am my own person - if she isn't").

But it would upset me that another woman was making out she was married to MY husband - even though I was and she wasn't iyswim.

It would just feel like such a waste of time to tell people the facts, ie "She used to be married to him and she doesn't seem to see herself as a person in her own right. But....actually. I'm his wife now and I AM a person-in-own-right and hence I've kept my own surname", followed by proud polish of mental badge on lapel. I would resent an ex putting me through having to give those explanations personally - even though I would know that he was my husband now and not hers.

What a total pile of tosh that was! :rotfl: If that's all you've got to worry about then thank your lucky stars!

First off, it isn't just his (the ex husbands) name, it is as much her name now as it is his, and if she wants to keep on calling herself that, then that's up to her, her business and no one else's. She's obviously got her reasons, of which there could be many, but I'm pretty sure the reason of pretending she's still married to him is not one of them!

It all sounds very caveman like "he's myyyyy man now, not yours!"