Is it normal to become bored and fed up with a relationship?

Mojisola

Caleb11 wrote: »

Another small update.. He has now had a change of heart and sat me down last night apologising for the things he said. He reassures me that no matter what he will always pay me whatever we agree and that he just said he wouldn't out of anger.

He also said that he wouldn't make me sell the house and that he will always make sure our son is supported.

This reassures me and I do forgive him for saying all of those things as I know how hurt he was. I do think if it came to it he would eventually be reasonable.

Also he has taken full responsibility for the way he has acted, being controlling and such. He has basically told me everything I want to hear and blamed nothing on me. He is unacceptable for Doing xyz and he has had a change in his mindset. He is going to give me the freedom I want to make decisions and be in control of my life.

I feel good as we are sort of "stuck" in our situation until January. So it give s the opportunity to actually see if he has changed or whether it's all just words to stop me leaving. If it doesn't change I move into the house in January with our son and he moved elsewhere. If it does change and I truly feel happy then we move in together. But I do not feel scared or forced to do anything. He knows exactly what my thoughts are and if he is so desperate to change and make it work then who knows maybe it will.

Go back and look at post 77 - he's following the exact pattern shown in the diagram tara posted!

Caleb11

Please delete

catkins

Obviously it would be great if he truly does change but what about the fact that you don't find him attractive any more? Can you really live another 5, 10, 20 or more years with someone you don't find attractive? I know I couldn't.


Try imaging life without him. How does that make you feel?

Mojisola

Caleb11 wrote: »

Althougj I know this may all be temporary he promises it isn't. If it is, then I've lost nothing as I was prepared to walk away anyway. And if it is the "new him" then maybe our relationship will be happier and I'll be content and have the same "freedom" I crave from being single by being with him (by that I mean freedom to make decisions and go out without unnecessary explanation)

I don't hold much hope but what I do know is that we have 6-8 weeks of living together and if there is a chance it can work then this could be a "trial period." If it doesn't work out then I move home in January as planned.

You're keeping a very sensible attitude to his change of heart.

I agree that if this 'new him' lasts, things could work out for you. What often happens is that the partner will keep it up until their OH relaxes - it's then harder for them to move out of the relationship and everything goes back to the old norm.

justme111

Good luck , caleb
It would been superb if it worked.
you say you have nothing to lose in trying - you do. Nervous cells and bitter disappointment if it does not work again. Saying that he who does not try does not win.

Catkins , she may start fancying him the same way she stopped.

Caleb11

Please delete

tea_lover

catkins wrote: »

Obviously it would be great if he truly does change but what about the fact that you don't find him attractive any more? Can you really live another 5, 10, 20 or more years with someone you don't find attractive? I know I couldn't.


Try imaging life without him. How does that make you feel?

It's hard to find someone attractive when they're belittling you and behaving like an eejit. If the emotional connection improves, it's perfectly possible for the attraction to return.

joyousjohnboy

As a couple we will experience Ups and Downs, but everything has a solution. Do not conclude that it is the end of your relationship. Make ways to solve it or talk about it. Communication is one of the keys to a happiness. When you are in a conversation, don't blame him for what happened, instead honestly tell him that you also made some mistakes about what's really going on in your relationship. Express your feelings, but in a calm voice

Caleb11

tea_lover wrote: »

It's hard to find someone attractive when they're belittling you and behaving like an eejit. If the emotional connection improves, it's perfectly possible for the attraction to return.

Yes that's what I'm hoping for. It's not that he's "unattractive" he's defonetly not. But to be intimiate and feel attracted to him I need to be happy with our relationship.

BigAunty

Is it possible that he is so controlling that he has been monitoring your posts? I do believe people can get unexpected insights into their behaviour and be truly contrite. Unfortunately there have been instances on this forum where women have had their email accounts hacked and tracking devices on their phones, had their texts read and that kind of thing. Sorry if this comes across as negative, i dont mean for you to be suspicious (it's not you, its me...).