similar background = better compatability?

Jagraf

My husband is atheist, I am Christian
My brother is agnostic, his wife is Hindu
My mother in law is a spiritualist and my father in law was agnostic (although very much not spiritualist)
My mum goes to a Methodist church although is CofE, my dad is a Methodist but never goes to church unless there is a sing song.


I left school with no qualifications, my Husband has a Phd (although I do have a degree now, don't use it, never did).

My whole in law family are vegetarian, my husband eats meat.

I have 2 vicars in my extended family, both on my fathers side.

It makes for great debates when we all get together. :rotfl:

Pollycat

Jagraf wrote: »

My husband is atheist, I am Christian
My brother is agnostic, his wife is Hindu
My mother in law is a spiritualist and my father in law was agnostic (although very much not spiritualist)


I left school with no qualifications, my Husband has a Phd (although I do have a degree now, don't use it, never did).

My whole in law family are vegetarian, my husband eats meat

I have 2 vicars in my extended family, both on my fathers side.

It makes for great debates when we all get together. :rotfl:

It's a good job you all weren't as narrow-minded as the OP's friends appear to be.

catoutthebag

Pollycat wrote: »

No.
What you actually posted was:


Specifically education.

You've got yourself confused with what you've highlighted in bold.

Attainment = educational attainment.
Bit you've somehow linked ambition to education/attainment. Which we've already discussed as not being linked.
Never mind.

catoutthebag

Pollycat wrote: »

It's a good job you all weren't as narrow-minded as the OP's friends appear to be.

You're judging them as you indicate they are judging too. Pot kettle? Everyone is entitled to their preferences (as others have suggested they are), you too are entitled to them. Never mind

catoutthebag

justme111 wrote: »

The title of this thread is different to the original post and to further posts. In one op refers to similar "background", in another to the fact of having finished a course at university , yet in another to having similar "attainment".
I have a feeling op is very bored as it does not take even a soft degree to see that having similar educational level is one of the factors in compatibility which does not ensure it though as there are zillions of other factors and degrees are different as well.

Ah I created a thread so I must be 'bored'? What an odd statement. Not as bored as you considering your post count.

Open your mind to the open ended nature of discussion.

The thread was about education primarily. One might link attainment to education (I never said one way or another in the first instance). Then discussion opened as I wanted, to naz grounds and others brought in their view on beliefs etc which is all good imo.

Do keep up

spend_or_save

catoutthebag wrote: »

Do you find that seeking a partner of a similar educational and / or social background is better for a successful relationship? Do you find that you seek someone similar to you?

I was speaking to a couple friends who have been to uni (like me) and they said they could only be with a partner who's been to uni. They argued that intellectually they would feel better suited or stimulated and most people have been to uni so it wasn't asking a lot and that you can tell the difference in someone who has or hasn't?

There was another friend I spoke to and he said he didn't care and that it was how 2 people connected.

What are your experiences?

some of the least intelligent people i have ever met went to Uni. And some of the smartest didn’t go. so measuring intellect by whether you went to uni or not seems like something only someone pretty unintelligent would do!!!

I personally wouldnt be looking for someone's CV and academic certifcates before i agreed to go on a date, other things are far more important, like if they are funny, interesting, nice etc. None of which would be more likely in a Uni Graduate IMO.

TBagpuss

catoutthebag wrote: »

Do you find that seeking a partner of a similar educational and / or social background is better for a successful relationship? Do you find that you seek someone similar to you?

I was speaking to a couple friends who have been to uni (like me) and they said they could only be with a partner who's been to uni. They argued that intellectually they would feel better suited or stimulated and most people have been to uni so it wasn't asking a lot and that you can tell the difference in someone who has or hasn't?

There was another friend I spoke to and he said he didn't care and that it was how 2 people connected.

What are your experiences?

How old are your friends? I can see that for those who are still in their early 20s and have just left usinvesity they may find there is a big gap between their experience and attitudes and those of someone who left school at 17 or 18 and has been working for 4 or 5 years.

I don't think that you have to have the same expereinces or background in order for a relationship to be sucessful. I do think that having widely different backgrounds or experiences can make it more difficult - I work with coupels who are splitting up, and very often, part of the reason for a separation or divorce is that the couple were each making different assumptions about how thing would work within the relationship, or have different underlying expectation and attitudes.

Often these may not come to light immediately - for instance, having children can highlight a lot of diferences, whether they are about different attitudes to money which only come into focus when one of you stops earning to care for children, or about idffering role in parenting, or about religious upbrings, or the involvment of extended family, or even expectations about a child's education etc.

I personally would not see education as the most important factor - I do think that having similar attitudes and expectations help, and that if you have similar backgrounds you are more likely to have shared values and expectations, but all these things are general.

I personally think that having major differences in attitudes to money are much more of an issue than having different levels of education - if one of you is a saver and the other a spender, that will have much more of an impact on your lives togther than if one if has a degree and the other doesn't.

I think the key to a sucessful relationship is commnication, and a willingness to adapt and compromise.

Pollycat

catoutthebag wrote: »

You've got yourself confused with what you've highlighted in bold.

Attainment = educational attainment.
Bit you've somehow linked ambition to education/attainment. Which we've already discussed as not being linked.
Never mind.

No.
You've got yourself confused with what you originally posted.

Never mind.

catoutthebag wrote: »

You're judging them as you indicate they are judging too. Pot kettle? Everyone is entitled to their preferences (as others have suggested they are), you too are entitled to them. Never mind

I'm judging people who appear to me - based on what you've written - to be shallow and arrogant.

Never mind.

I'm not the one on dating websites. :rotfl:

Never mind.

Pollycat

justme111 wrote: »

The title of this thread is different to the original post and to further posts. In one op refers to similar "background", in another to the fact of having finished a course at university , yet in another to having similar "attainment".
I have a feeling op is very bored as it does not take even a soft degree to see that having similar educational level is one of the factors in compatibility which does not ensure it though as there are zillions of other factors and degrees are different as well.

I think the OP is confused.

Never mind.

Pollycat

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Thanks Ballet shoes.

I am done on this thread anyway, and on the forum for a couple of days, as I am a little tired of being attacked for nothing. It's keeps happening tonight. People reading my posts, taking them out of context, and wading in with put-downs and insults. Another poster has started on me for nothing now! Saying I have said things I haven't even said!

Can't help feeling that if it wasn't me, the attitude from people would be different.

Disagree with me by all means, but it's the snide sarcy way they do it, and the put-downs and snarkiness.

So I'm off for a few days. Got a some stuff to catch up on anyway! :wave:

No doubt someone will mock and berate this post too. :rotfl:

As far as I'm aware. I'm not one of the posters that you feel have attacked you.
I'm not going to mock & berate your post above but I can't understand why some people feel they have to announce that they're 'leaving the forum'.

Why not just stop posting?