similar background = better compatability?

Quizzical_Squirrel

Something I've noticed I've the years is that people often tend to revert to their original type as they age.

Someone coming from any specific background or culture, may have widened their horizons or moved socially upwards, whatever, in their youth but as they age, they often return to the familiar.
Perhaps for comfort, perhaps from not feeling they need to challenge themselves any more, a variety of reasons, who knows.

It's at that stage, I think a background or life approach mismatch can become an issue and I've seen it happen a few times now.

For example, you may have chosen someone who had striven to rise above a lower social background but you notice as years pass that they're starting to hold different views. Views that you wouldn't have ascribed to them in their youth and you start thinking something like "they're just like their father after all".

Or maybe you've chosen someone from a different culture or country who was open to new experiences and embraced change but now, as the years pass, they're perhaps closing in, becoming more rigid, and ingrained values are emerging that aren't always a good match with yours.

For this reason I would never say that different backgrounds don't matter.
They may not matter, indeed they may be a source of novelty or delight, when you're young but thats only half the story.

Pixie5740

VfM4meplse wrote: »

It does, and also keeping your mind open to the possibility that God does exist: the point is that agnostics will admit they don't know! Unlike atheists.

What faith you choose is a matter for the individual, and I personally would prefer someone that did believe in God than someone that doesn't as this shows some commonality (I didn't realise Jesus' doctrine went beyond love thy neighbour, but hey-ho). I wouldn't have any difficulty with an agnostic, but would struggle with a disparaging atheist.

That's a bit rich referring to disparaging atheists when it was you who said atheism was a bit strong if not downright arrogant.

As a Christian do you accept that you don't know that God exists?

Looking back I haven't been in a relationship with anyone particularly religious, not out of design but out of communality. Not that I mind people practicing their religion or believing whatever it is they do its just how things have worked out. I can't imagine it would be a nice feeling genuinely believing your other half was doomed to eternal damnation when they die.

Pollycat

theoretica wrote: »

If judging people on their life choices is narrow minded and shallow, what about all the judging that goes on about things people can't affect? I wouldn't go out with someone taller/shorter than me sort of thing.

Speaking personally, I woudn't judge someone because of their height, weight, skin colour, religion etc etc - and I certainly wouldn't be so narrow minded and shallow to exclude someone as a potential partner because of their lack of educational qualifications.

Gloomendoom

Pollycat wrote: »

Speaking personally, I woudn't judge someone because of their height, weight, skin colour, religion etc etc - and I certainly wouldn't be so narrow minded and shallow to exclude someone as a potential partner because of their lack of educational qualifications.

With that list, I probably wouldn't have got as far as enquiring about any educational qualifications.

Only joking

lazer

Not talking about marriage or relationships here, but something I have found is that even though I have a degree I have drifted away from my friends that have degrees.


I don't believe we should be defined by material possessions and job titles, don't see have a big house as meaning you are successful, I see happiness as a measure of success.


Many of my uni "friends" stopped having time to meet up as they were prioritizing work over life, and these were just not the type of people I was drawn too. I found a lot of them forgot how to simply live once they started work.


I hate it when you meet people and the first thing they ask is your job.


I was going to stay with a friend who lives abroad for a few nights last year and was asked what she did, I didn't actually know - I know about her husband, her child, her family and friends, but other than knowing that at one stage she worked in accounts, I didn't have a clue about her job.
The people I was talking too found this very strange, but we just didn't talk about work.




Myself and my husband have very different backgrounds, which sometimes causes problems, but we generally have similar values about the things that matter (And I have a degree and he doesn't, but he has a trade qualification and has started his own business, which in my mind is better than a degree).


(PS - we are both the same religion, and I have to admit I don't think I would have wanted to marry someone of a different religion, I did date people of different Christian denominations, but never dated anyone of a completely different faith). As Torry says, marriage isn't just for life for a Christian, its for all eternity, so obviously you want to marry someone that will get into heaven


In saying that I believe that heaven is for everyone that has tried to lead a good life, regardless of their religion. God is good and kind, and I like to think he won't discriminate between inherently good people because they believed in the wrong God, or even no God.

euronorris

theoretica wrote: »

Broadening the question from partners to friends as we usually have more of them I realise my closer friends do not form a full cross section of society. Do yours?

Mine are from quite a selection. Although, interestingly, they all have divorced parents, as does DH, and my parents are still married (over 40 years now).


But 3 best friends - one from very wealthy background, one middle class and one who grew up on a council estate with both parents never working and relying on benefits as they 'didn't see the point' (she has turned out the exact opposite!).


None of us have been to uni. Well, one did but dropped out. And DH did a diploma level vocational qualification at college. But we all have similar world/life views, and there's plenty of ambition there among us, just not in the 'must get a degree' sense.

Jagraf

onlyroz wrote: »

Does it bother you that your husband won't be going to heaven, and so you'll spend the afterlife without him?

As no one can ever be certain about what happens 'next' I will go with the here and now and be happy with what I know for sure.

jaylee3

onlyroz wrote: »

Does it bother you that your husband won't be going to heaven, and so you'll spend the afterlife without him?

Pixie5740 wrote: »

That's a bit rich referring to disparaging atheists when it was you who said atheism was a bit strong if not downright arrogant.

As a Christian do you accept that you don't know that God exists?

Looking back I haven't been in a relationship with anyone particularly religious, not out of design but out of communality. Not that I mind people practicing their religion or believing whatever it is they do its just how things have worked out. I can't imagine it would be a nice feeling genuinely believing your other half was doomed to eternal damnation when they die.

Why do people on here assume that all Christians think that people who are non-believers are going to burn in hell, or are doomed to eternal damnation when they die?

Not all Christians think this believe it or not.

Not all Christians will refuse to consider a partner who is a non believer.

Not all Christians live their lives by every letter of the bible.

Not all Christians are homophobic.

Not all Christians go to Church every single week. (Some don't go at all.)

Some people have some very strange ideas about what being a Christian entails; it's about having a relationship with Christ, believing in him, and getting comfort from your faith. It's also about being the best version of yourself that you can be, and helping and assisting your fellow man when you can. In addition, being humble and kind. (I am not saying non Christians are not all of the above by the way, before anyone starts!)

It doesn't make you a better Christian if you go to Church every week, or you have a Christian partner and Christian friends. And it doesn't make you a better Christian or a better person if you choose to not like gays, or refuse to accept them. And it doesn't make you a better Christian if you read the bible every day.

People can be whatever kind of Christian they choose to be; anyone who thinks any different is very narrow minded.

lazer wrote: »

I don't believe we should be defined by material possessions and job titles, don't see have a big house as meaning you are successful, I see happiness as a measure of success.

I hate it when you meet people and the first thing they ask is your job.

I was going to stay with a friend who lives abroad for a few nights last year and was asked what she did, I didn't actually know - I know about her husband, her child, her family and friends, but other than knowing that at one stage she worked in accounts, I didn't have a clue about her job.


(PS - we are both the same religion, and I have to admit I don't think I would have wanted to marry someone of a different religion, I did date people of different Christian denominations, but never dated anyone of a completely different faith). As Torry says, marriage isn't just for life for a Christian, its for all eternity, so obviously you want to marry someone that will get into heaven

In saying that I believe that heaven is for everyone that has tried to lead a good life, regardless of their religion. God is good and kind, and I like to think he won't discriminate between inherently good people because they believed in the wrong God, or even no God.

I also LOATHE it when people ask you what job you do. I have an aunt in her 50s, who has never done any paid employment since she was 20. (She has raised 3 kids since the age of 21.)

When someone asks her what she does for a living and she says she has been a homemaker for 30 years, the conversation just stops dead. It's like some people have nothing else to talk about except work.

Re the second paragraph I bolded. I agree with this, and think it's actually pretty horrible for ANYone to assume if they don't believe in God/Jesus, they will go to hell.

I would've thought that this kind of thinking should be consigned to the history books. I mean, as if you say, surely if GOD is all forgiving and such an awesome dude, then he will forgive anyone for not being a believer! Just goes to show the hypocrisy of 'some' Christians. As I said though, not ALL Christians think like that! I wish people would stop saying they do!

morocha

We live in a society where who you are does not matter, what you do does. I always say to my mother that what she does for a job/ to earn money does not define her, she is not her job.

My mother is a cleaner, she used to be a dinner lady. In her 50's she has gone back to study few years ago, got different certificates in different areas. She says she owe that to herself.


I have 16 GCES, I was "the perfect candidate" to go to university said most of my teachers. I did not.
I went straight to work then moved to the other side of the world after I met my then boyfriend; learn a new language and had kids.

I am 31 now, I have never stopped feeding my mind with different subjects, even as a housewife, and the stereotype that goes with it. I just wanna it all, I am returning to college next year to do accounting.

Person_one

jaylee3 wrote: »

Why do people on here assume that all Christians think that people who are non-believers are going to burn in hell, or are doomed to eternal damnation when they die?

To be fair, that is the stance of pretty much every Christian church. Its not plucked out of thin air!