Staying in a marriage you think might be abusive

muddywellies

3 children.

I think you're all stronger than me.

74jax

muddywellies wrote: »

3 children.

I think you're all stronger than me.

And I felt that way too, no strength, no positivity, no way I could do it - did I even want to. Hopeless, empty, that life was for everyone else, I couldn't be that unhappy or else why do I stay, DD didn't need the disruption. I'd moved away and knew no-one, no friends, didn't know neighbours....... Everyone feels that way in your situation.

It took me a long time, a long time.

thorsoak

You don't know just how strong you can be until you are tested - you've already shown that you are strong enough to separate - you can do it - just one day at a time, one step at a time.

If you want to send me a PM, then feel free to do so. {{hugs}}

Grumpelstiltskin

Muddywellies What would you do if your husband was knocked down and killed by a bus tomorrow?


You would have 2 choices, cave in and wallow in your self, and what would happen to the children? Or you would have to do what Thorsoak said, pull on your big girls knickers and cope.


Just think about that.

ecgirl07

muddywellies wrote: »

3 children.

I think you're all stronger than me.

Figure out a daily timetable that gets the kids to school and deals with the wee one and start a routine. It can be done millions of single parents do it.

Regarding money how much money do your husband earn? Put that into the csa calculator and work out how much maintenance he should be giving you and ask for it. Why could you not afford to get the eldest to school?

Is he sabotaging the separation to make you feel helpless so he can turn up with his "told you so" face?

Strength comes through experience, everyday you get more independent you get stronger, every little wave across the bows coped with makes you a little stronger, it doesnt all come at once.

Have you spoken to your gp about the situation?

muddywellies

Grumpel that would be different because of money. I would be entitled to a lot more money as a result. Plus I would not have the children torn between two parents.

I know it can be done when others do it, I'm saying I don't think I can.

ecgirl07

muddywellies wrote: »

Grumpel that would be different because of money. I would be entitled to a lot more money as a result. Plus I would not have the children torn between two parents.

I know it can be done when others do it, I'm saying I don't think I can.

Children dont have to be torn between 2 parents, they could spend split weeks, it could be done in a healthy way which will be better than growing up in a house of domestic violence?

muddywellies

I don't think it can to be honest, hope that offends no one but I just don't

elsien

ecgirl07 wrote: »

Figure out a daily timetable that gets the kids to school and deals with the wee one and start a routine. It can be done millions of single parents do it.

Regarding money how much money do your husband earn? Put that into the csa calculator and work out how much maintenance he should be giving you and ask for it. Why could you not afford to get the eldest to school?

Is he sabotaging the separation to make you feel helpless so he can turn up with his "told you so" face?

Strength comes through experience, everyday you get more independent you get stronger, every little wave across the bows coped with makes you a little stronger, it doesnt all come at once.

Have you spoken to your gp about the situation?

This bit jumped out at me, as well. You seem to automatically be blaming yourself, whereas if he was paying you the financial supper your children are entitled to then then it may be a different picture entirely.
Yes you'll !!!! it up sometimes - everyone does. That doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you a normal one.

ecgirl07

muddywellies wrote: »

I don't think it can to be honest, hope that offends no one but I just don't

If you are staying then create a life for yourself outside the marriage, take the wee one to mother and tots, find other groups to join maybe story time in the local library, at the weekend take time yourself to do something. Take an evening class. Volunteer in a charity shop. Anything that gives you a life, friends and lifeskills outside the family home. Ensure your husband gives you money for this if you have no payments into your account. Talk to your gp about counselling on how to deal with your husbands negativity.

You can become stronger within the setup too, if you choose to.