Money Moral Dilemma: Is it OK to let my rich friends pay for me?

kefkat12

My own thoughts are, if they are happy t let them. I would do little treats and surprises for them you can afford to let them see you appreciate it. Maybe a thank you card initially to say thank you and you appreciate they understand your financial situation.

I would then follow up with occasional treats for them which dont have to cost the earth. Perhaps you can make them a cake, or some homemade chocolate truffles, or the like. Little things like that mean alot. I know they would to me.

The person then knows you aren't taking them for granted.

TBagpuss

Newly_retired wrote: »

I once had some friends, a couple older than us, who were so generous with their hospitality. Usually in their own home, but occasionally out, they invited hard-up or hard-pressed younger friends to stay or to come for a meal, or would babysit or take the kids to the zoo, or whatever. They wanted nothing in return, and those who benefited from their generosity were in no position to return the kindness.
If some better off people want to be generous, then accept it occasionally, with gratitude. But not to make a habit of it. Mix with other friends who are in your income bracket.

I think this is good advice.
And that older couple you knew may have felt that their generosity *was *returned - perhaps they enjoyed the company of younger people, and the opportunity toe spet time with childre or pets without the responsibility of being a pet owner or grandparent.
I know a couple who *love* to host parties. They have lived all their married life in small flats and very ecetl, due to inheritance, were able to buy a house which is large enough for them to entertain. And they do. They pull all the stops out and habve lots of big parties which will typically involve having 40-50 people there , for whom they will provide vast quantities of lovely food, and drinks, and will offer as many people as want it space for the night.
They will also ofer open house to any of their friends who want a bed for the night (they live in London, and very genuinely are happy for any of their friends who happen to be in London to go to a gig or show to come and stay with them rather than pay for a hotel, even if this means there won't really be any time for socialising.

Of course it is possible to bring a gift, or to buy drinks if we are out, but it is an uneven exchange. I actually spoke to them about it as I felt a little uncomfortbale, and the take they had on it was that they didn't see it that way,. They felt that we were doing them a favour by coming, by travelling to their home and helping to make their parties sucessful, they also felt there was an element of 'paying it forward' - that they had had friends who had hosted them, and heloed them out when they were younger, and that nw they are in a position to be generous to others they get a kick out of being able to do so.

nev0757

Some of best friends are cash rich & I've known them for years. I haven't been able to work for three years & appreciate their hospitality. I can do payback in different ways & they appreciate thiss too, so why not just be humble that these are true friends who don't look down on me.

scrabbly

This is all so dependent on so many things !
How many times are we talking? - once a year -fine. Once a week - not fine
Can you pay for the taxi to get there ?
Can you have them to your house occasionally?
Can you buy the wine?
I don.t enjoy restaraunts but I do enjoy my friends company so sometimes I will just have the starter served with their main course. Not from expense but because I don't like it.
There are plenty of ways around this-think outside the box!!!

FBaby

- If it's a close friend, I have told the person that I love going out with them, it's a great treat, but I feel awkward accepting as I cannot reciprocate in kind. I've usually been told that this is something they can do (for me), and I can cook them dinner/do something else if I would like to 'pay them back'. So I do. Conscience salved.

-If I don't care to let the person know I'm not well off, I make sure we meet for coffee or a free activity instead.

-If it's a group of friends who want to go out, I either pay for myself or don't go.

This works better than feeling guilty.

I think that sums it up perfectly.

Clive_Woody

I earn a pretty good salary, I have friends who do not earn as much. I really enjoy spending time with my friends and I am more than happy to pay for them if they don't have the funds. I've known them for years from when we were all struggling to pay for the next pint so I'm pretty sure they aren't just friends because I have money (I certainly don't have that much to influence anyone).

I'd rather we all got to go out and have a good time than someone sit at home because they were too proud to let me pay for them. If I thought they were taking the mickey ("champagne all round") I would be more than happy to say so, but otherwise it's really not a big deal.

What's the alternative, I dump all my friends who can't afford to go out with me...?

Potternerd

Trek_girl wrote: »

In the olden days it was common for wealthy patrons to sponsor poor artists and musicians. The poor artists and musicians gained access to a world they normally would not have been able to be part of; the rich patrons gained witty, entertaining and amusing company. The unspoken rule was that if the money ran out or you stopped being entertaining the arrangement ended.

Is the dilemma a modern day version of the above scenario?

A patron as in patronage and patronising.

ajr77

MSE_Nick wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I've got some friends that come from very wealthy families. They often want to go to expensive bars and restaurants, but I'm not that well off so can't really afford it. They always offer to pay for me and usually refuse when I try to - is it OK to let them to fund me when I'm out with them?

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If they wanted to go to these expensive bars and restaurants and then expected you to pay (knowing you can't afford it) they wouldn't be very good friends. But they have offered to pay for you - go and have a good time and don't feel guilty about it! You are not sponging as it's their offer.

Middlestitch

Probably better to ask them than ask strangers...but if they are truly from 'very wealthy' families and can easily afford it, and want your company, accept with good grace but possibly don't go mad with what your order.

Find a way to say thank you that won't break the (your) bank.