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Money Moral Dilemma: Is it OK to let my rich friends pay for me?
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Well I would definitely not let ANYbody fund me. I am no charity case, and would not ever want to be beholden to someone, who will possibly throw it back in my face at some time in the future, or 'expect' something from me, if my financial situation improved, and theirs got worse.
I would also feel that they had some kind of hold on me, and I believe (rightly or wrongly) that they would feel more powerful and somewhat superior to me, because they were paying for their pauper mate.
All I would ever do - and this would be unlikely and rare - is borrow money which I would pay back; with interest.
But no WAY would I let people pay for me, not for anything.
I tend to agree with you because I do hang out with people who like to drink (I just don't join in the rounds) but some of the champagne bars in London can result in a £100 per head tab each time you go out. I just wouldn't go out if my friends went there every couple of days. (Actually, I wouldn't go out with them if they went to an expensive bar.)
So what do you do if your friends go out Friday and Saturday to bars costing £100 each?0 -
Thankfully its not quite as Black & White for me, Over the years I have had a reciprocal arrangement amongst friends where we help out those in the group who are struggling, if one of us couldn't afford a night out we would ensure that they could join us and not feel bad, and over the years its worked out very well and we have all had our boom and bust years for various reasons.
I know when I was splitting from the ex and despite being on a decent income I had nothing left after paying out the mortgage, bills, rent and solicitor fees I would have been in a much worse place if my friends hadn't dragged me out for meals and drinks.
That's very nice for you. But what if one of these friends in this 'friendship group,' had not ever been able to reciprocate? Would the 'richer' ones have been OK to carry them for years, with never getting anything back? Was there an expectation that if you 'supported' someone through their poor years that they would return the favour? What if they couldn't? Or what if they could, but didn't want to, and didn't reciprocate? I think what you're saying is (IMO) rather implausible, because no way will most people be happy to keep financially supporting someone, on the off chance they 'may' return the favour one day.stmartinsdiver wrote: »A free ride once in a while maybe ok but what do your 'rich friends' get out of this one-way arrangement? Do you ever do anything for them? If not, it seems to me that the long term prospects for this friendship are you'll get a reputation as a !!!!!!!!!! and find yourself dumped. It may be 'more blessed to give than to receive' but if you're not careful the next thing you generous friends may give you is the elbow.
Exactly! On the flip side of the coin, why should people who are better off keep subsidising their poorer friends? What if they can't give back someday? Is it going to be OK with them to keep continually subsidising them? No. Of course not. If anyone said that they would be OK to keep subsidising someone forevermore, I wouldn't believe them. Resentment would start to set in .0 -
pollypenny wrote: »Never.
We had this with a friend who was well off when we were hard up. We'd always pay our way, to the point that we had to stop going out with them and the friendship faded away,
How is this a good thing? You lost a friend.
If your rich friends value your company, why not let them pay if they want to - money is nothing to them but it's a big thing for you (and for most people on this forum). If you're not comfortable, don't go out with them too often. But insisting on paying for yourself when going out to expensive places is a sure way of bankrupting yourself.
In the long run, it's probably a good idea to look for some other friends on more equal terms.0 -
VfM4meplse wrote: »This made me think....I have a friend in this position who never minds being subsidised, and orders away with gay abandon. I on the other hand am very careful about what I order, as I hate waste. The fact is I'm not happy to pay for her expensive tastes, or her waste. Time to tell her - next time she can treat me!
Anyone who takes their friends for mugs, be warned. It is noticed and it certainly isn't appreciated.
I agree with this.
If people who take off people who are better off than them, think that these people are OK with this long-term, they are kidding themselves. NOBODY actually wants to keep subsidising someone else indefinitely, no matter how people kid themselves that people just LOVE to waste their money on people worse off than them.
Trust me, they WILL be talking about you behind your back!
I have seen it happen. Many times.0 -
I think its ok for a one off. My Sister In Law paid for me to see the Moody Blues (I didnt really want to go but she'd got no one else to go with). I did offer to pay though.
Saying that, hubby pays for me all the time.:)This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com0 -
Money means nothing to rich people?
Many people were poor before they became rich. Perhaps became is the wrong word. they worked, saved etc.
So they do care about money. Some will even subsidise a friend or two. Not forever.
Even my suggestion of paying now and again did not hit the mark with some people. Rich people do not always subsidise friends.
Again I am saying that this lady is asking for a blessing to sponge off her friends. How can she say she is friends with them when she wants them to pay for everything?0 -
I have a friend who is very wealthy and whom I've known for 20 years or so. He's obviously very aware that he has far more disposable income than me, but also that I don't expect him to pay for everything all of the time, so what we do is:
- When we say "let's go for lunch or dinner next week" it means we pick somewhere reasonably priced and I pay my half (at most £40-£50 each with drinks, often less)
- Sometimes he wants to go somewhere expensive, in which case he'll say beforehand that he's inviting me.
He however always insists on paying for me to get home if it's late at night (it's about £30 for a minicab from central London)
It works for us - I'm not sponging off my friend but he treats me every now and then
Edit: I'm not skint, but to put things in perspective, friend's income is 7 figuresNow free from the incompetence of vodafail0 -
I would accept my friend paying for me.
Before I became a homeowner, more than half my monthly take home pay was available to be spent as I please (although I saved most of it towards a deposit). This meant I helped my friends out on the odd occasion, especially if it was my suggestion to go to a particular expensive restaurant.
Now sometimes they help me as I am totally skint each month.
To me, friends help each other out but bear in mind when I offer to pay for a meal it is my choice and the offer is unconditional. If they did not help me out when if I needed (if they were available to but chose not to) then that's not the kinda friends I want to keep. If I'm unable to help someone, not just financially but by way of doing favours, giving lifts etc and they said ''but I paid for your meal'', I would soon point out that it was their choice and I don't expect that to be used against me.
Of course, it's different if you were taking advantage of someone's generosity.0 -
There are different definitions of "I have no money" or "he/she's loaded.
I think only spend time in places where everyone can pay their way, and be wary that we don't actually know other people's financial situations.
The amount of times my family have said "let's go to ....." Or "let's get some more champagne and split the bill" and we genuinely haven't had a spare £5 to our name.
I have a group of girlfriends who over the years have been at different stages of wealth. Even now we always go somewhere where the bill is likely to be less than a tenner for food - just in case. And we split all the vouchers.Never again will the wolf get so close to my door :eek:0 -
I've learnt that friends and money don't mix well. Whether you're borrowing or lending or just taking, in the end the friendship breaks.....0
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