Money Moral Dilemma: Is it OK to let my rich friends pay for me?

AubreyMac

When going out with friends, we would split the bill by number of people regardless who ate more or less but whoever had the extra course or bottle of wine would offer to pay more (and rightly so).


At work do's however, it's always been that the bill gets split equally minus the leaving/birthday person. When doing this I almost always lose out as I eat cheaply and this infuriates me. I'm happy to chip in for the leaving persons meal but the last time I ended up paying some £10 more than what I ate. I just make a point of not going to work do's anymore (I never enjoyed them anyway, just out of obligation).

cbrown372

Petra_70 wrote: »

I agree with this.

If people who take off people who are better off than them, think that these people are OK with this long-term, they are kidding themselves. NOBODY actually wants to keep subsidising someone else indefinitely, no matter how people kid themselves that people just LOVE to waste their money on people worse off than them.

Trust me, they WILL be talking about you behind your back!

I have seen it happen. Many times.

They might even post about it on a money saving website, thats friends for you.

I have seen it happen. Many times :rotfl::rotfl:

AubreyMac

Petra_70 wrote: »

Exactly! On the flip side of the coin, why should people who are better off keep subsidising their poorer friends? What if they can't give back someday? Is it going to be OK with them to keep continually subsidising them? No. Of course not. If anyone said that they would be OK to keep subsidising someone forevermore, I wouldn't believe them. Resentment would start to set in .

The rich person who offers to pay has the choice to NOT offer, especially if they know they will resent it later down the line.


If they offer or insist on paying then that is their decision and responsibility.


If someone was to give to a friend with one hand and expect to take back with the other then their intention and generous offer isn't to genuinely help out a friend. To me that is just tit for tat and I would just keep the friendship to texting and going out for free (to galleries, walks etc).


I do understand if it was always one sided the person paying will eventually get resentful (this has been me before) but nobody forces one person to keep on paying out.

Bellisima

My sister is quite wealthy and she has paid for us to join her and her family on holiday twice. My husbands daughter is also quite well off and took us on holiday once. I felt it was a way of thanking us for all our help with babysitting (often overnight) as well as help we have given them with DIY. We all had a brilliant time, but we feel that is enough, and although we have had more offers, we have turned them down.

On meals out we always pay our own way and if we haven't the funds then we don't go. In your case maybe take up the offer once or twice, but then pay your way or don't go. Having generous friends and family is great (you would do the same I would imagine) but don't become a leech.

sl8r_2

pollypenny wrote: »

Never.

We had this with a friend who was well off when we were hard up. We'd always pay our way, to the point that we had to stop going out with them and the friendship faded away,

So you were happy to let a friendship fade away because of your pride?

janiebquick

Lucky you. What is the problem?

lizbec

If it makes you feel uncomfortable then don't do it,or find a non-monetary way of giving to them.
Having said that,I have a couple of friends who are very hard up and I'm always happy to pay for them,as if I didn't then we'd never go out together. I value their company,so it's mutually beneficial. I'm surprised at some of the comments stating they'd rather let the friendship lapse! Some people seem very mistrustful - if I offer to pay for a friend it's because I value their company and some things are more important than money.

Trek_girl

In the olden days it was common for wealthy patrons to sponsor poor artists and musicians. The poor artists and musicians gained access to a world they normally would not have been able to be part of; the rich patrons gained witty, entertaining and amusing company. The unspoken rule was that if the money ran out or you stopped being entertaining the arrangement ended.

Is the dilemma a modern day version of the above scenario?

tgroom57

Perhaps "expensive bars and restaurants" is all they know. You could maybe suggest ways of having a good time on a lighter budget.

homeatlast

I think lizbec, below, has got it about right. If you want to repay your wealthy friends for picking up the tab for the night out/visit/etc. then do so by doing something for them that does not cost you a lot of money but is something you know might be appreciated.
Maybe just being with them is enough. Don't undervalue yourself.