posting photos of children on FB

l3xi

ricardinho88 wrote: »

. There is a way to view your profile through the eyes of someone else (whether they're your friends or a complete stranger), it's accessible on the desktop version of FB. You might be suprised what you can see.

As for your ex, I would have stuck with your original reponse (F off). It's your and they're your kids too, so you can do what you want.

I'm aware of that one. Non-friends can't see anything but a thumbnail version of my profile photo. But generally speaking, I assume that - for everything I ever post online, on FB or other sites, no matter how 'private' they are - there is a risk of all of it becoming public. So I only post info or photos that are safe in that sense, if they were ever made public I wouldn't lose anything.

I wish I had actually said F off, but it's not worth it....

Anyway, this is an interesting discussion, thanks for all the different points of view... the subject of FB in general is interesting, not only in my narrow context.

Person_one

l3xi wrote: »

Btw, ex has just replied to my short email saying that I'm a loser for posting anything whatsoever on FB and that I didn't have a real life, and some other wonderful stuff. Completely uncalled for.... my earlier email was v short and super polite and fact-oriented, it essentially said it was my own business what and how I share online.

So yeah, now I think I need to be very mature and reasonable, take another deep breath (a 90-min yoga class would do he he), and ask him why is he actually bothered and try to offer the middle ground. And explain - once again - that they are decent photos and they aren't actually shared publicly.

Why bother replying? It sounds like you're just going to get another load of abuse back.

He's in another country, he doesn't want to see the kids, he doesn't want to pay anything for them, what can he actually do? Just carry on with the weekly Skype calls and feel free to live your life as you wish otherwise. Ignore unreasonable demands from afar.

I initially recommended a compromise but I've changed my mind after this post!

If he was contributing anything like an equal amount to the parenting of his children I'd say he had the right to an equal say in the matter of how photos are shared. As you seem to be doing 100% of the parenting and will be possibly forever, through his choice not yours, then in my eyes its your decision.

l3xi

@Person_one: just to clarify he does pay child maintenance but it's less than the minimum amount that government (CSA or whatever it;s called nowadays) would enforce if I contacted them. It's just that he doesn't contribute his time and efforts otherwise.

Jagraf

l3xi wrote: »

I re-read all these messages - sorry Mojisola, not picking on yours specifically - and something doesn't leave my mind... so a lot of you think that a father who effectively declined most, if not all, of his responsibilities as a father, and all the hard work and efforts and commitments that come with raising a child (sorry, I don't think 15-min weekly Skype sessions count towards that, and holiday-wise looks like both 2015 and 2016 are entirely on me), still has moral grounds/rights to ask the other parent to change the way they share photos online, in a closed FB family-friends circle? (Never mind the insults in the request, which I learned to ignore, I refused a long time ago to be drawn into name calling and insulting, via email or otherwise).

I'm not trying to say that I'm right and he's wrong, I'm just genuinely surprised and this discussion definitely is making me reconsider/rethink my decision.

Btw, ex has just replied to my short email saying that I'm a loser for posting anything whatsoever on FB and that I didn't have a real life, and some other wonderful stuff. Completely uncalled for.... my earlier email was v short and super polite and fact-oriented, it essentially said it was my own business what and how I share online.

So yeah, now I think I need to be very mature and reasonable, take another deep breath (a 90-min yoga class would do he he), and ask him why is he actually bothered and try to offer the middle ground. And explain - once again - that they are decent photos and they aren't actually shared publicly.

I chose my battles with my ex. Neither of us had the energy to argue over everything we disagreed on, which was most things :eek:. Conserve your energy for positive things x

FBaby

I agree, don't respond. The tone of his messages makes it clear that he is not communicating to reach a compromise, but to have a go. The more you write, the more ammunition to have a go.

I have found that everything became much easier when I start responding to any accusatory email/text from ex. He soon (well actually not that soon, but in the end!) got the message that he was wasting his time.

pelirocco

duchy wrote: »

The biggest issue with posting images of children online isn't just the sharing aspects but the fact some individuals are looking for photographs to "stimulate" themselves to sexual relief. Watermarking wouldn't prevent that.

(Sorry tried to phrase that as delicately as possible)

Then they would be buying the latest next / boots / argos catalogue

not spending 'valuble ' time trying to hack into someones fb in the off chance there is ...god forbid, pictures of children !!

jjj1980

I'm with the OP's ex on this 100%. It's the one and only thing my ex and I agree on, photos of children do not belong on Facebook.

BigAunty

How much is this issue strictly about Facebook posts and how much of this is about how often he gets his own way?

How much of the issue actually due to the fact that he's very weak or hands off at parenting when it suits (time, energy, money, communicating) but suddenly becomes directing/controlling at other instances?

The Facebook disagreement seems to be the catalyst that brings up the fact that he's very slack in many areas of family life. In instances which don't really matter so much to you (and perhaps to many others) - a few basic pictures on social media - he makes an extraordinary fuss.

By the sounds of it, he generally does what he wants when he likes, he's used to getting his own way - is the FB thing an annoyance because he's making you change your behaviour to suit him, again putting his opinions and preferences first?

That he's effectively abandoned his family and then thinks he can take the lead from afar?

BigAunty

jjj1980 wrote: »

I'm with the OP's ex on this 100%. It's the one and only thing my ex and I agree on, photos of children do not belong on Facebook.

They do. My feed is full of innocuous piccies of my family and friends children. A few of my FB friends post occasional snaps of their children but most post loads.

Everyone knows that perves get off on pics of kids and that there are boundaries on the type of piccies that get posted.

The OP does have parenting issues - the odd piccy of her kids on FB is not one of them.

An abusive non resident parent poking their nose in and criticising from afar while showing little interest in paying towards the children, living nearby, communicating regularly, monitoring how their schooling is goingm might be the main one.

The guy sounds like he's found a trivial opportunity to undermine his ex and he doesn't like the way she's finally resisted following his orders.

cte1111

I don't really understand why people have issues with photos of children on Facebook. For people that know the children, or their parents, it's nice to see photos and see what the family have been up to. For other people, they're not really of any interest.

There seems to be some sort of assumption that there's a market for pictures of random fully clothed children. Who would want these? If there was genuinely a market, then surely they'd be using their hacking skills to get into the database of any school photo supplier rather than picking through unknown facebook accounts?

It is very difficult for separated parents to come to an agreement on many issues. As your ex has decided that he doesn't want to be involved in that decision making process, then there doesn't really seem to be a problem, go with your instinct as you have been doing so far.