posting photos of children on FB

Guest101

l3xi wrote: »

duchy: I already said above I would not mind photos being posted as long as they are decent. My friends have posted photos of me and my child before and it's fine by me, as long as it's all done responsibly. - Replace the fact it's facebook photos with something you didn't like. Common example might be religion.

I will consider any reasonable request coming from my ex, but I don't think this is a reasonable request. - So far the general concensus is that it is reasonable. You aren't really in a neutral position to classify what's reasonable and what's not (which is why you posted here, isn't it?) I'm not putting the child in danger and I'm responsible in the way I'm sharing. He might prefer that I now share the photos, but it's ultimately my decision. - So the point of your thread is?

I can't put myself in his shoes as I would never leave my child to go and live overseas. - I presume you two split up? So imagine if he'd got custody? It was his decision to leave me to raise our child and he trusted me with everyday's AND bigger decisions. He doesn't ask me which school the child should go to - You should be asking him if he agrees with your choice really. , or what extracurricular activities to pick, he couldn't be bothered with any of that even when he was living here.

You are right though, the FB thing is a minor thing in the grand scheme of things and perhaps I should just let go of it. It's a hard thing though, as I'm into portrait photography and it's so normal for me to do this. - So post your other photos? He actually knows that. I had photos of our child exhibited in a public place (art space) for a full month, he knows that, saw the photos, and it was never an issue. - Well now it is?

The cynical me tends to believe it was indeed one of those 'loss of face' moments for him and he got annoyed with it, as one of the posters above said. It would have been nice of him to be polite about it when he requested me to remove the photos, butt that's a whole other story...

I don't see the point of this thread, given this post?

euronorris

l3xi wrote: »

duchy: I already said above I would not mind photos being posted as long as they are decent. My friends have posted photos of me and my child before and it's fine by me, as long as it's all done responsibly.


It doesn't really matter if you would mind or not, as that's subjective. Just because you wouldn't, doesn't mean that someone else is unjustified to feel bothered by it. ie, I would hate it if someone shared a photo of me in a bikini on FB, but I have friends who do not have a problem with that at all. They are not wrong in their feelings, and neither am I. We are just different. But, I would expect them to respect my feelings and not share a photo of me in a bikini.

I will consider any reasonable request coming from my ex, but I don't think this is a reasonable request. I'm not putting the child in danger and I'm responsible in the way I'm sharing. He might prefer that I now share the photos, but it's ultimately my decision.



See above.

I can't put myself in his shoes as I would never leave my child to go and live overseas. It was his decision to leave me to raise our child and he trusted me with everyday's AND bigger decisions. He doesn't ask me which school the child should go to, or what extracurricular activities to pick, he couldn't be bothered with any of that even when he was living here.


I can see that this has been a tough and painful time for you. And it's tempting to react strongly because of this, but you need to be careful that you don't just say 'No, tough!' as a small way of punishing him for leaving.


He did leave, and he hasn't been involved in the bigger decisions, BUT, he is also maintaining contact, wanting regular updates, (possibly?) paying maintenance, and may even be taking a step towards being more involved in ALL the decisions to do with your shared child. And if he is, then great, as it would hopefully lead to more contact with the child and, therefore, a better relationship. The more involvement you can welcome, and encourage, the better.


Also, living abroad may have seemed like a really good idea to him at the time, but the reality can be quite different. His reaction may well be part of a sudden realisation that he should never have left, and he may well be considering coming back.

You are right though, the FB thing is a minor thing in the grand scheme of things and perhaps I should just let go of it. It's a hard thing though, as I'm into portrait photography and it's so normal for me to do this. He actually knows that. I had photos of our child exhibited in a public place (art space) for a full month, he knows that, saw the photos, and it was never an issue.

The cynical me tends to believe it was indeed one of those 'loss of face' moments for him and he got annoyed with it, as one of the posters above said. It would have been nice of him to be polite about it when he requested me to remove the photos, butt that's a whole other story...

It could be loss of face, it could be so many things that we don't know. You'll have to ask him to find out. If you can do that whilst staying calm, and avoiding the type of language he uses, as well as offering opportunities to discuss and come to an agreement, it will stand you in good stead for the future (if/should it ever come to court for any reason, ie, visitation, maintenance disagreements etc).

l3xi

@Guest101: I posted to find out other people's opinions, and I am thinking about it all.

We split 3 years ago and we lived apart here before he moved overseas. Re school decisions, and other decisions, it was HIS choice not to get involved at all. He told me in writing that he leaves it to me to make all those decisions. That's a lot of work and responsibilities, it's not only about the right to decide. He chose not to take on any of those responsibilities and work and time commitments. He lived 5 min away, but never went to parents evening or any other child-related activities, he refused to sign on to get updates from school. His involvement was one afternoon every week - this was his through his own choice.

We both have parental responsibility and rights (no custody arrangements, not formal ones), he chose to leave the responsibility on me and moved away. I just find it ironic that he would not care about whether she takes piano or tennis or which school or holiday camp she goes to, but does care about me posting photos from the park on FB.


PS. He pays child maintenance but less than he should (according to both countries' laws). I agreed to this even though I'm struggling. My family all think I should contact the govt and make him pay the min legal amount. I probably should.

SanguineSteve

Do bear in mind that facebook/social media is still quite a new fangled thing. We don't actually know what the long-term pitfalls will be yet.

If you check the T's & C's, which you have hereby agreed to, once you upload an image to Facebook, it becomes their property. They could use it for anything they like.

I have friends who won't allow any pictures of their kids to get on fb because they are highly skeptical about the data-farming that is going on. It's pretty terrifying what you can find on yourself online. It's one thing to volunteer your own information, but that of a child that has no say in it?

It might sound all 'tin-foil hat' brigade, but we are venturing into the unknown and prudence is advised.

kathrynha

I personally think your ex is over reacting. They are your kids, and you have as much say about what happens with photos of them as him.

He has a right to discuss with you what is posted on facebook and you coming to an agreement, but telling you to stop putting them up is wrong.

Unless there are child protection issues, I don't get what people have against photos on facebook that are only visible to friends. As a previous poster said, why would anyone be bothered about photos of kids. If they are posted so everyone can see them, then there is a greater risk, but your own friends list you control, and one would hope you can trust all of your friends.

Also, as has previously been said, anyone can take photos in public and post them on facebook, potentially visible to everyone, so your own photos are safer than that by comparison

Guest101

l3xi wrote: »

@Guest101: I posted to find out other people's opinions, and I am thinking about it all. - Your reply made it sound like the decision was made.

We split 3 years ago and we lived apart here before he moved overseas. - And you DD went to live with him, would you not want a say in certain things? But perhaps trust him to make decisions on others? Re school decisions, and other decisions, it was HIS choice not to get involved at all. He told me in writing that he leaves it to me to make all those decisions. He lived 5 min away, but never went to parents evening or any other child-related activities, he refused to sign on to get updates from school. His involvement was one afternoon every week - this was his through his own choice. We both have parental responsibility and rights (no custody arrangements, not formal ones), he chose to leave the responsibility on me and moved away. I just find it ironic that he would not care about whether she takes piano or tennis or which school or holiday camp she goes to, but does care about me posting photos from the park on FB.

So perhaps, and I don't know either of you, he trusts you to make good decisions regarding your DD and therefore hasn't felt the need to speak up?


Now that he has, perhaps it's for a good reason? (and yes his opinion/feelings is a good reason)

duchy

Pthree wrote: »

Would watermarking the photos help so they cant be used by any other source?
If you are into to photography most editing programs have the ability to be able to do it (I think?) I know Lightroom does.

P3

The biggest issue with posting images of children online isn't just the sharing aspects but the fact some individuals are looking for photographs to "stimulate" themselves to sexual relief. Watermarking wouldn't prevent that.

(Sorry tried to phrase that as delicately as possible)

whitewing

I must admit that when I ask my husband about things that are important to me then I expect him to agree with me.

Maybe you do ask his opinion on things and don't listen to his answer anyway, so he is just bypassing the circular contact?

You don't seem too open to the prospect of not putting their photos up?

Maybe you could come to an agreement that you won't put them on fb until they are x age?

But find out exactly what his issue is (without telling him off about the wording of his 'request').

KARO

duchy wrote: »

The biggest issue with posting images of children online isn't just the sharing aspects but the fact some individuals are looking for photographs to "stimulate" themselves to sexual relief. Watermarking wouldn't prevent that.

(Sorry tried to phrase that as delicately as possible)

Or to put it another way, the internet is NOT a nice place.

Jagraf

None of my DD closest family (me, her father, her stepdad, her stepmom) ever post photos on facebook. None of us would wish to, so it has never been a problem.

In fact, most of my relatives (and extended family lives all over the world) tend to send photos by email instead.