Opinions on wedding invites

PlanHappy

So we're (very provisionally) considering having the ceremony in a really lovely place but it unfortunately can only hold 35 guests. The reception, which is the same location but just not the same exact building, can have up to 400 people so that's fine and we're trying to whittle down who should go to the ceremony. I have a list but it only covers the people I think will actually care about watching us get hitched, not their partners. Other half thinks this is a cardinal sin and partners have to be able to come along, even if it means cutting out people who are really close to us.

The question I'm putting out there is this: is it a major social no-no to not allow plus-ones at the ceremony even (or especially) if they are attending the reception right afterwards? Or has anyone else done this and thinks it's fine?

(Am aware that this is something for me and the boy to sort out personally based on individual knowledge of our close friends and family - just want to know whether I'm way off base in thinking this might possibly be ok)

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~Beanie~

I agree with your partner on this one.

I can imagine saying to my OH, 'well I'm going to Cousin Bob's wedding this afternoon but you will have to hang around outside and wait for me as you aren't allowed into the ceremony, only the reception'.

I would also be gutted if it was the other way round and my OH was invited to the ceremony but I wasn't!

fairy_lights

35 people isn't many, if you invite peoples partners then a close friend might have to be bumped out to make way for your sisters boyfriend of a month etc. I would only invite your absolute nearest and dearest to the ceremony, and make it clear that spaces are very limited but that other halves are more than welcome to the evening do.

thriftylass

I would say including plus one for close relatives as you can't invite uncle without aunt. But if in a couple you've been really close mates with him but he is now going out with her I think it is ok not to have her at the ceremony. I heard of people doing this before. Sure she'll understand if she is given a reason.

ognum

PlanHappy wrote: »

So we're (very provisionally) considering having the ceremony in a really lovely place but it unfortunately can only hold 35 guests. The reception, which is the same location but just not the same exact building, can have up to 400 people so that's fine and we're trying to whittle down who should go to the ceremony. I have a list but it only covers the people I think will actually care about watching us get hitched, not their partners. Other half thinks this is a cardinal sin and partners have to be able to come along, even if it means cutting out people who are really close to us.

The question I'm putting out there is this: is it a major social no-no to not allow plus-ones at the ceremony even (or especially) if they are attending the reception right afterwards? Or has anyone else done this and thinks it's fine?

(Am aware that this is something for me and the boy to sort out personally based on individual knowledge of our close friends and family - just want to know whether I'm way off base in thinking this might possibly be ok)

Honestly, I would look for another venue for the actual wedding, why put yourself through the stress.

PlanHappy

Granted, ognum - this is why I'm asking the question. If the issue is insurmountable and we can't find a way of inviting only 35 guests without doing something unforgivable then we will look at other venues - but that's not what I'm asking here, I'm trying to find out what ranks as unforgivable to most people.

Alikay

I'd look for another venue. The most important part of the wedding is the ceremony IMO, and if it isn't big enough to hold all the people you'd like to be there it's not really suitable. If you really like the venue, could you get married at a local church or the registry office and then have your photo's and reception there instead?

Faith177

Talking from personal experience it REALLY f'd me off when my husband was invited to his friends wedding last October and I wasn't.

We had invited both of them to ours even though I had not met her in the 5 years I had been with OH prior to our wedding but as she had been with OH's friend for nearly 10 years they lived together ect.

I met her several times after our wedding and before theirs and I thought we got on well but that really took the P! I'm still civil to her but I'll never forget that especially as ALL the other GF/wives were invited just not me

When we were planning our wedding we had limited numbers to so we tried to include only partners that were long standing rather than the ones who had only been together a matter of minutes

ognum

PlanHappy wrote: »

Granted, ognum - this is why I'm asking the question. If the issue is insurmountable and we can't find a way of inviting only 35 guests without doing something unforgivable then we will look at other venues - but that's not what I'm asking here, I'm trying to find out what ranks as unforgivable to most people.

But it's not about what is unforgivable to the posters here it's about what's unforgivable to your friends and relatives and their partners.

My answer is for some people who invite me it would be fine for others I would be upset not to be included so there is not an easy answer which is why I suggested another venue.

Would I want to be classed as the second class guest, it depends!

TonyMMM

In England/Wales access to a wedding ceremony in a licensed venue can't be restricted - so in theory anyone who wants to attend can insist on entering.

That's why hotels and venues have to display a notice at the front door saying who is getting married, and in which room (in case anyone wants to attend and/or object).


On a practical note, I would think it very rude to invite people to the reception (at the same venue) but not allow them to witness the ceremony. Either have a bigger ceremony or a smaller reception (and invite the others to an evening party).

pickledonionspaceraider

I agree with your OH and think in that dilemma I would look for another venue as this is going to cause you issues.

I know I would definitely decline such an invite if my husband was expected to stand outside. Without seeming to be having a dig, I would be quite hurt by receiving such an invite.

If you continue, be prepared for the possibility that you could end up with quite a few declines