Opinions on wedding invites

fabforty

I personally wouldn't be offended if OH was invited to a wedding without me, but I do think that your planning and priorities are a bit skewed.
I agree with the other posters who have suggested finding another venue. Getting married should be about you, OH and the people who are important to you. The venue, pretty as it is, clearly does not allow you to invite the people that you want to invite, so find a venue that does. If the issue was that you could only afford a certain number of guests or you didn't like the spouses, then fair enough, but if it is simply too small find somewhere bigger. To me it's a bit like couples who get married abroad because they want the exotic beautiful location, but are then upset when family and friends are unable to attend.

Pixie5740

It sounds a bit like inviting someone to the whole wedding and their OH only to the evening do after the meal. Whilst I wouldn't mind if I didn't get a plus 1 I would rather it was a no plus 1 for the whole event rather than just some of it. I think it's just logistically easier for the guests if both of the couple are arriving at the same time. I wonder how many of the OH's not attending the ceremony would end up half cut before the reception started.

Petra_70

But no more than I would expect from someone who is clearly defensive of the fact that they THEY made the decision to invite people and not invite their partners, and now regret it.

AND...

"Most people have been fine since" :rotfl:

Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that. I can only imagine what people say behind your back.

You are seriously kidding yourself if you believe that people were "fine with it."

OP, choose another venue. You don't want to end up like this; not inviting peoples partners and regretting it, and ending up snappy and defensive, and needlessly insulting people, when they hit a raw nerve.

(Text removed by MSE Forum Team)

melanzana

Weddings can be hell.

sterlingstash

Happy to give an unsnappy and non-defensive response - We didn't divide partners - which I didn't make clear above - but I was sad not to be able to have everyone to the church that we wanted to invite to the day, and with hindsight didn;t realise that those I thought wouldn;t care much about the ceremony- a section of our 18-30 friends who would declare a preference to be in the pub - but who actually would have really appreciated being there. We didn;t have a great deal of choice (village church) but as previous posters have mentioned, clear explanation always helps (which we tried to do - close family etc)

Petra - I still think you need to look at your own attitude. Weddings are a minefield, and it is so easy to unwittingly cause offence. Luckily most friends are rational and secure enough in themselves to see the bigger picture and not feel the need to make an issue of it.

Petra_70

sterlingstash wrote: »

Happy to give an unsnappy and non-defensive response - We didn't divide partners - which I didn't make clear above - but I was sad not to be able to have everyone to the church that we wanted to invite to the day, and with hindsight didn;t realise that those I thought wouldn;t care much about the ceremony (a section of our 18-30 friends who would declare a preference to be in the pub) but who actually would have really appreciated being there. We didn;t have a great deal of choice (village church) but as previous posters have mentioned, clear explanation always helps (which we tried to do - close family etc)

Petra - I still think you need to look at your own attitude. Weddings are a minefield, and it is so easy to unwittingly cause offence. Luckily most friends are rational and secure enough in themselves to see the bigger picture and not feel the need to make an issue of it.

Whatever my 'attitude;' I did not personally attack you like you did me.

And I stand by what I said; you attacked me was because you are defensive.

You invited people to your wedding, but not their partners, and you regretted it. And what I said hit a raw nerve. So you were rude and nasty about me. I don't know why you thought you had the right to attack me like you did. I didn't personally attack anyone on here: I was simply responding to the OP, and posted about what had happened to me. Your attack was bang out of order.

That is the long and short of it.

You should think before you post, and refrain from personal attacks when someone says something you don't like. What you said about me was rude and unwarranted.

Nuff said. Good night

Contessa

Some years ago we were invited to the wedding of one of my husband's colleagues. Unusually, the wedding was on a Friday afternoon. I couldn't attend the wedding ceremony (the most important part) as I was working and in a new job so was only able to go to the reception. I'd missed a lot of the celebration but the couple knew I couldn't come on time so weren't insulted. And my husband had no complaints as I was the designated driver!

Anatidaephobia

My feeling would be that this is likely to cause problems so best to choose another venue. I wouldn't do this myself.

However, it does depend who would be included in the 35 and who is not. For example, if the 35 is the bridal party, your family and your OH's family, then that seems like it could work because most people will understand prioritising family when numbers are limited.

If it's not as clear cut as that, and not immediately easy to understand why certain people are in the 35 and others are not, then I think people might start to feel a bit miffed about not being included. For example, your friend Jane might say she understands why her long term partner isn't included in the 35 until she finds out that your other friend Sarah's boyfriend HAS been included and suddenly Jane isn't so happy any more because she can't see any reason why Sarah's boyfriend should be included when her partner is not.

I think if a friend has got a new boyfriend of two months that you don't really know then that's one thing but if another friend has a husband that you've known for ten years, how can you exclude him? Another poster noted earlier that family couples such as aunt and uncle shouldn't be split up and I agree with that as well.

I do think that if you go ahead and do this then you need to think very carefully about your choices. Hand deliver the invitations to the people most affected by the arrangements and explain in person what you've done and your reasons for doing so. An awkwardly worded note on an invitation isn't going to be enough.

onlyroz

We had 20 at our wedding and about 100 at the reception. My mum questioned why my friend's partner was there, when I had only met him once. He was there because I would have been embarrassed to have had him hanging around outside. I don't think you can exclude partners if you're allowing them at the reception.

Jagraf

Putting myself in your position op, I would find it:

Fine for work colleagues and friends where I didn't know the partner, I think people who independently know you are find about it - I had a bunch of girlfriends at my wedding all on one table. Their OHs would have been bored.

Awful regarding relatives - to be honest I prefer some of the Wives and husbands of my blood relies, but I would never have got away with that

I would personally find another venue. If you pick and choose who you prefer it will affect your future relationships with a lot of them, it does suggest you are placing them down the pecking order, which is what is happening because of your small venue.

A wedding is for one day. Those at a wedding are there to support you in life traditionally. You're gonna knock out half of your support network.