Opinions on wedding invites

TBagpuss

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I'm another who thinks couples that can't function without each other are a bit odd...my personal opinion of course.

HBS x

The thing is, is isn't about couple's "not being able to finction without each other". It's about the fact that it is bad manners to invite half of a couple, except in siituations where you only know one half of the couple, and even then it's not good manners unless you have a class of people (such as work colleagues) where you don't invite other halfs.

My understnading of the OP was that she and her fiaance were thinking of inviting one half of a couple to the ceremony where they know both, but feel closer to one, and that only some of the guests would be treated that way.

That's just bad manners.

Of course, people are often willing to forgive, and many will be too polite to comment (at least to the bride and groom) even if they are taken aback or feel hurt. And there will be some who are genuinely not bothered. One problem is that you (the bride and groom) won't necessarily know in advance who is or isn't likely to be upset.

Of course, it's your wedding and you can do things however you want, but I think this has the pottential to hurt and upset people who (since you want them at your wedding, even if not at the ceremony) are presumably people whose feelings you care about.

If you want the tiny venue, then I think that picking a small selection of your closest friends and family and their spouses or parters is both better manners, an a better idea, than trying to split couples. Quite apart from anything else, if you invite to halves of a coupel to events starting at different times you introduce all sorts of logistical problems, and even if you laid on snacks and comfy chaors and a tv, you're still basically asking a bunch of people to shpow up and hang around to wait for your convenience, or alternatively to arrange lots of extra and unnecessary travelling.

heartbreak_star

I would find it stranger for a friend who doesn't know OH to invite him to a wedding than for them to invite only me and have a space for another friend.

Hypothetically, in this situation, would you seriously turn down the invite JUST because your OH hasn't been invited? Even though they don't know him and he doesn't know them?

Just being curious now

HBS x

heartbreak_star

TBagpuss wrote: »

The thing is, is isn't about couple's "not being able to finction without each other". It's about the fact that it is bad manners to invite half of a couple, except in siituations where you only know one half of the couple, and even then it's not good manners unless you have a class of people (such as work colleagues) where you don't invite other halfs.

My understnading of the OP was that she and her fiaance were thinking of inviting one half of a couple to the ceremony where they know both, but feel closer to one, and that only some of the guests would be treated that way.

The "not functioning" comment was to do with some of the other posts on the thread, rather than the OP

I don't think I picked up on the fact they were close to both...I think what I'd do then is very situation-subjective.

HBS x

Lily-Rose_3

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Another one here who's not too bothered.

OH got invited to the ceremony when two of his pals got married (I knew them but not closely), it was explained to me it was a space issue and that was fine by me.

None of us had any issue with it because it was very clearly explained about it being a space issue

I'm another who thinks couples that can't function without each other are a bit odd.. my personal opinion of course.

HBS x

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Well call me odd then!

If either of us was invited without the other we would respectfully decline, we are a couple and never go to social functions without the other.

I do not enjoy weddings anyway so this would be a good excuse to miss out on the great event.

As others have said, your wedding, do what you want, so long as you also respect those that decline your invitation.

Person_one wrote: »

I actually think its quite unfair to accuse people who think its polite to invite partners to a wedding of not being able to 'function without each other'. That's really not what its about at all, I'm sure those people go to work, meet friends, go out and about etc. without their partners!

Its moot for me anyway as I'm single, so have been plenty of weddings solo, yet I still think its rude to invite somebody to witness you making a public statement of your commitment to your relationship and exclude the person they've made the same/similar commitment to. No, you might not know your friends' partners that well, but then its likely they don't know yours either, a wedding is a great opportunity to change that and meet them surely?

There are loads of occasions where its completely fine to invite one half of an established couple. A wedding isn't one of them.

Absolutely agree with Poppy and Person One. (and also tbagpuss, but I could only quote 3 posts.) All their posts make very good points.

Frankly, it's unfair and frankly rude to accuse people of being 'unable to function without one another,' just because they would prefer to go to a wedding with their husband/wife/partner, and not alone.

As Person One said, many people go plenty of places without each other; shopping, work, out with friends etc, and don't need to be with their partner all the time, and of course they can function without them! They just think (like me and many others on this thread,) that it's odd and rude for someone to invite you to their wedding and exclude your partner... As Person One also said, 'there are plenty of times and occasions to exclude someone's partner, but a wedding is not one of them.'

Also, as I said earlier (and Poppy said too,) do not be offended and peed off if some people don't come, as many people will be offended at their partner being excluded.

lexilex

Personally if I really loved the venue I would just invite immediate family, parents and siblings perhaps, to the ceremony. We have been to a few wedding receptions lately where the couple have got married with just close family there and everyone else has been waiting at the reception venue for them to arrive afterwards.

Lily-Rose_3

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I would find it stranger for a friend who doesn't know OH to invite him to a wedding than for them to invite only me and have a space for another friend.

Hypothetically, in this situation, would you seriously turn down the invite JUST because your OH hasn't been invited? Even though they don't know him and he doesn't know them?

Just being curious now

HBS x

Yes. .........

POPPYOSCAR

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I would find it stranger for a friend who doesn't know OH to invite him to a wedding than for them to invite only me and have a space for another friend.

Hypothetically, in this situation, would you seriously turn down the invite JUST because your OH hasn't been invited? Even though they don't know him and he doesn't know them?

Just being curious now

HBS x

Yes, we both would.

MandyBean

I personally would feel offended if I or my partner received a single invite to a wedding excluding the other, and again I find the suggestion of couples who "can't exist as a single entity" a bit critical too.
We do most things together as a couple, but there are times we do things apart. For example I don't expect to go to leaving drinks for my partner's work colleague. He doesn't come to meals with my friends who he doesn't know well etc. I don't think a wedding should be one of those things though. If I treasured my friend enough to have them at my ceremony I would also want to respect and accept the person they have chosen to be with. If they are that important that you want them there, I would include their partner in that.
On the other hand it is your wedding day, and you should be happy, but I still wouldn't want to upset anyone in this way. If you couldn't change the venue, I would compromise by only having close family, siblings etc. at the ceremony allowing for spouses. And inviting everyone else to the big reception, with an explanation of being very restricted on space for the ceremony.

heartbreak_star

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Yes. .........

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Yes, we both would.

Thank you for indulging my curiosity - I honestly wasn't sure what would be said

FWIW, OH accepted the invitation when he was invited and I wasn't, on the proviso that I was told it was to do with space and numbers.

MandyBean wrote: »

I would compromise by only having close family, siblings etc. at the ceremony allowing for spouses.

Just to play devil's advocate, (my curiosity knows no bounds today! ) what happens if it comes to a decision between a family member's spouse and another family member? I.E. sister's husband or grandmother/uncle/cousin?

HBS x

Patchwork_Girl

I've not read the whole thread so I'm sure there has been a mixture of opinions already! But FWIW I would not mind at all if I was 'left out' of an invitation for this reason. Nor would my partner.

I actually feel a bit odd when I am included in an invitation to the ceremony where I don't know/hardly know the couple. It seems like such an intimate thing to have a relative stranger attend - just because they happen to be the partner of a friend or relative.

I think it's a shame that some people might turn down an invite because of this. Only you can decide how you would feel if this happened.