Opinions on wedding invites

Torry_Quine

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I would find it stranger for a friend who doesn't know OH to invite him to a wedding than for them to invite only me and have a space for another friend.

Hypothetically, in this situation, would you seriously turn down the invite JUST because your OH hasn't been invited? Even though they don't know him and he doesn't know them?

Just being curious now

HBS x

Yes I would turn it down as would my husband.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

Petra_70 wrote: »

Yes, coz God forbid a couple who are married/living together/spending their lives together/have kids together should want to go to a wedding together as a couple.

You sound a little bit bitter to be honest.

Not at all bitter, just having been single for so long makes me acutely conscious of the kind of person I definitely don't want to be now I am in a relationship. I worry a lot about being a rubbish friend now I have more demands on my time.

It was me, not the OP, who initiated the comments about couples being umbilically joined so I feel I should explain. My benchmark for this behaviour is a friend who I met through a shared passion for a particular sport. A bunch of us, couples and singles, regularly met up to enjoy it together. Then this friend got a girlfriend who worked shifts and he no longer came with us while she was working, even though the sport remained his main hobby. He would only come out as a couple. I'm afraid I find this really odd.

Anyway, it seems those who wouldn't mind separate invites are in the minority, so the OP is probably going to have to rethink the venue.

People are so quick to get offended at weddings! I just enjoy the free booze and cheesy music.

MandyBean

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Just to play devil's advocate, (my curiosity knows no bounds today! ) what happens if it comes to a decision between a family member's spouse and another family member? I.E. sister's husband or grandmother/uncle/cousin?

HBS x

I would have to decide on a couple not to invite, rather than only invite one half of a couple. Every family is different though. I would stick with parents, grandparents, closest friends, and siblings as inviting aunts, uncles and cousins would start to get difficult with numbers. If it came to a huge dilemma over 1 person maybe I'd just try to sneak them in!?

Patchwork_Girl

Having given it some more thought - I would actually feel terrible if I thought that someone that I hardly know felt that they had to compromise their choice of venue (or their choice of guests) on their wedding day because they thought that my partner (their friend/relative) would not attend without me.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I always thought some indulgence was given towards the bride and groom (usually the ideas are the bride's I would guess); if they dress up as Star Trek characters, have trained meerkats scamper up the aisle with the rings, do the speeches/toasts in a different order etc then guests may think to themselves blimey, I wouldn't do it like that but have to smile and go with it?

Patchwork_Girl

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

I always thought some indulgence was given towards the bride and groom (usually the ideas are the bride's I would guess); if they dress up as Star Trek characters, have trained meerkats scamper up the aisle with the rings, do the speeches/toasts in a different order etc then guests may think to themselves blimey, I wouldn't do it like that but have to smile and go with it?

My partner and I jokingly said we would have a 'naturist' style wedding (to keep costs/numbers down) until we considered which of the possible guests would be happy to turn up anyway

But it's one way to limit the numbers...

LameWolf

I would turn down an invitation if my DH wasn't invited because I can't actually function away from home without him - I need him to push my wheelchair!:D

He would also turn down such an invitation because he would feel uncomfortable attending an event such as a wedding without me; he is quite happy to go to other things without me though - I'm acting as taxi-driver when he and his pal attend the local beer festival tomorrow, and I shall come back and sit indoors with Patch (dog) and he'll call me when they want collecting.:o

POPPYOSCAR

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

Not at all bitter, just having been single for so long makes me acutely conscious of the kind of person I definitely don't want to be now I am in a relationship. I worry a lot about being a rubbish friend now I have more demands on my time.

It was me, not the OP, who initiated the comments about couples being umbilically joined so I feel I should explain. My benchmark for this behaviour is a friend who I met through a shared passion for a particular sport. A bunch of us, couples and singles, regularly met up to enjoy it together. Then this friend got a girlfriend who worked shifts and he no longer came with us while she was working, even though the sport remained his main hobby. He would only come out as a couple. I'm afraid I find this really odd.

Anyway, it seems those who wouldn't mind separate invites are in the minority, so the OP is probably going to have to rethink the venue.

People are so quick to get offended at weddings! I just enjoy the free booze and cheesy music.

Lucky you!


Most weddings I go to now you have to pay for your own drinks other than a glass to toast the couple with.

Person_one

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

I always thought some indulgence was given towards the bride and groom (usually the ideas are the bride's I would guess); if they dress up as Star Trek characters, have trained meerkats scamper up the aisle with the rings, do the speeches/toasts in a different order etc then guests may think to themselves blimey, I wouldn't do it like that but have to smile and go with it?

Absolutely, but there are a few things that they shouldn't really break with tradition on (in my opinion of course).

It wouldn't be on to not provide any food all day, even though its a big cost, or to only provide a hog roast with no consideration for vegetarians etc. It wouldn't be on to have a ceremony in a room with no seating so that all the guests including 75 year old granny and 3 year old cousin Timmy have to stand on the spot for an hour. It wouldn't be on to tell your guests what they have to wear or what facial hair they're allowed (both past threads on this board!) and its not on to invite guests who are married, engaged or cohabiting but not invite their partners.

Yes, the couple are the 'most important' people on the day, but they invite guests because they want them to share the happy day surely? Not just to be an audience or extras in the photographs!

heartbreak_star

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Lucky you!


Most weddings I go to now you have to pay for your own drinks other than a glass to toast the couple with.

Same here! I can't remember the last time there was a free bar...

HBS x