Opinions on wedding invites

Kynthia

For personal reasons we only had our parents and siblings attend the ceremony and had everyone else arrive half an hour later for the reception. This consisted of welcome drinks, the wedding breakfast, and evening party; so very traditional apart from the guests not witnessing the ceremony. There was probably a few people disappointed about this, but I couldn't help that. One or two close family members did feel like they should have been invited to the ceremony and I can say the only reason there wasn't bad feeling about it was because we literally only had our parents and siblings and didn't pick and choose some family and friends over others. Although the issue had been out of my hands it actually turned out to be a lovely and intimate ceremony. Ones I have been to since have seemed noisier and disruptive with people taking pictures throughout.

If you do go ahead then I would suggest doing the same with just immediate family. If you choose aunt over uncle, cousin over cousin, friend over friend, it will cause bad feeling. My parents attended a wedding where non-family watched the ceremony on a screen in the reception area with a drink which I do think is an option.

POPPYOSCAR

Petra_70 wrote: »

Incredibly rude response.

But no more than I would expect from someone who is clearly defensive of the fact that they THEY made the decision to invite people and not invite their partners, and now regret it.

AND...

"Most people have been fine since" :rotfl:

Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that. I can only imagine what people say behind your back.

You are seriously kidding yourself if you believe that people were "fine with it."

OP, choose another venue. You don't want to end up like this; not inviting peoples partners and regretting it, and ending up snappy and defensive, and needlessly insulting people, when they hit a raw nerve.

(And spare me the ''you are rude' and 'there is no need for that' comments. All I said in my post was that this woman I knew invited me and not my husband and I was offended by it and didn't go to the wedding, and didn't let her know I wasn't going. And the poster here (sterling stash) insulted me, seemingly because I hit a raw nerve. So if you're going to have a go at anyone:- have a go at them! I mean, God forbid I should defend myself!!!!!!)

Why must people be so rude and personal on here? You can give an opinion and a view without personal attacks!

It is not what you say, but the way that you say it.

BigAunty

Up to the bride/groom who they wish to invite at which part. I do wonder how much of this is due to falling in love with a venue that can't accommodate enough close friends and family.

Had school friends who couldn't wait to leave their hubbies and kids at home for the entire event (they had to travel a few hundred miles and stay overnight). Okay, they chose the exclusion and one decided to bring hubby and kids despite quite a clear command that it was all kids or no kids but even so.

My rules included not inviting anyone I'd never met (for example, partners of my partner's friends) nor anyone we hadn't seen for over a year or two. I was also banned by my partner from inviting one of my oldest Uni friends because he was deemed to be 'creepy'. We never invited any work colleagues. We let widowed aunties bring their sons or daughters as their plus ones.

I have attended a wedding at the evening reception when my partner attended the main ceremony - I barely knew the couple while my partner had a closer friendship. Didn't feel the slighest bit miffed.

KxMx

I think as it's OP's wedding she and her fiancee can invite whomever they please.

If that means inviting some couples as singles only what's so bad about that?

Why should OP compromise on venue?

My best mate got married a few months ago and I was gutted not to see the ceremony. But she was horribly constricted on numbers which meant some family & some wedding party guests only.

I 100% understood when she explained to me after all her day and family come first.

Had a fab time at the reception

Torry_Quine

I don't count my husband as a +1 that to me suggests someone you take along if you are a single person invited to an event you don't have a spouse/husband

Anatidaephobia

KxMx wrote: »

Why should OP compromise on venue?

The OP is compromising on the venue if she goes with this one; if there was no compromise then she wouldn't be on here asking advice re how to juggle the guest list to have only a select few at the ceremony.

If she goes with another venue which can hold more people, she'll have to compromise too but in a different way. The venue might not be as good in some ways, but it might be better in others (eg, numbers). It's up to the OP and her partner to work it all out and decide what's best for them.

Lily-Rose_3

I would be miffed if my husband was not invited. And I would politely decline the invitation.

I think it's bad etiquette to invite one person and leave their partner out. I also dislike it when people allow no children at the wedding either. I am aware that people are entitled to say 'no kids' as it's their wedding, and they are free to say this, but they shouldn't be surprised when people choose to not go to their wedding.

Me and my husband and our daughter are a family, and have always come as a package; if one of us was left out, then we wouldn't go. Our daughter is grown now and is at uni, and she is 150 miles away 80% of the year, so we don't always expect her to be invited everywhere now, as she is not even here to go most of the time. But yes, when she was at home, we would have been offended at her being left out too.

JMO.

KxMx wrote: »

I think as it's OP's wedding she and her fiancee can invite whomever they please.

If that means inviting some couples as singles only what's so bad about that?

Why should OP compromise on venue?

My best mate got married a few months ago and I was gutted not to see the ceremony. But she was horribly constricted on numbers which meant some family & some wedding party guests only.

I 100% understood when she explained to me after all her day and family come first.

Had a fab time at the reception

That's fine. As long as she doesn't get miffed when people don't come, and she doesn't hold it against them. Some people will get offended at their partner not being invited; especially if they are married, and have been for quite a number of years. So sure, don't invite people's partners, but don't act all offended and hurt when some people don't come.

As Torry said, I don't think of me and my husband as 'me and a +1' at all; we are a unit. Invite me and not him if you want, but I shan't come.

heartbreak_star

Another one here who's not too bothered.

OH got invited to the ceremony when two of his pals got married (I knew them but not closely), it was explained to me it was a space issue and that was fine by me. There were a couple of others who were reception-only, so we went and grabbed a drink together (again, we kinda knew each other).

None of us had any issue with it because it was very clearly explained about it being a space issue and we all had a great time at the reception, where there was a video of the ceremony played for those of us who couldn't see it.

I'm another who thinks couples that can't function without each other are a bit odd...my personal opinion of course.

HBS x

POPPYOSCAR

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Another one here who's not too bothered.

OH got invited to the ceremony when two of his pals got married (I knew them but not closely), it was explained to me it was a space issue and that was fine by me. There were a couple of others who were reception-only, so we went and grabbed a drink together (again, we kinda knew each other).

None of us had any issue with it because it was very clearly explained about it being a space issue and we all had a great time at the reception, where there was a video of the ceremony played for those of us who couldn't see it.

I'm another who thinks couples that can't function without each other are a bit odd...my personal opinion of course.

HBS x

Well call me odd then!


If either of us was invited without the other we would respectfully decline, we are a couple and never go to social functions without the other.


I do not enjoy weddings anyway so this would be a good excuse to miss out on the great event.


As others have said, your wedding, do what you want, so long as you also respect those that decline your invitation.


The biggest problem you seem to have is convincing your OH.

Person_one

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I'm another who thinks couples that can't function without each other are a bit odd...my personal opinion of course.

HBS x

I actually think its quite unfair to accuse people who think its polite to invite partners to a wedding of not being able to 'function without each other'. That's really not what its about at all, I'm sure those people go to work, meet friends, go out and about etc. without their partners!

Its moot for me anyway as I'm single, so have been plenty of weddings solo, yet I still think its rude to invite somebody to witness you making a public statement of your commitment to your relationship and exclude the person they've made the same/similar commitment to. No, you might not know your friends' partners that well, but then its likely they don't know yours either, a wedding is a great opportunity to change that and meet them surely?

There are loads of occasions where its completely fine to invite one half of an established couple. A wedding isn't one of them.