Very Needy/Demanding Friend

CathA

I had a friend some years ago, let's call her 'Mary' who I met through another friend, '(Louise') as they lived next door to each other. She seemed pleasant enough, similar age, children of a similar age. We got quite friendly, she would come round, sometimes ringing beforehand, sometimes popping round on the off chance, no problem.

Then 'Mary' fell out with 'Louise', (her neighbour-my original friend) To this day, we don't know why. If I went to see 'Louise', I would get a phone call later to ask why I'd gone to see 'Louise' and not gone to see her. I've got a busy life and sometimes I only have time to see 'Louise', who also is busy and it's tricky to co-ordinate our schedules. It got so that I had to visit 'Louise' when I knew 'Mary' was out.

Anyway, it started that I got daily phone calls, just to check how I was and to tell me how her day had been. I had three young kiddies to get to bed and she always rang about 7!! She'd get a it snotty if I said I was putting the kids to bed. It was very insidious, but she started taking over, always coming round when she knew I was in. Once she turned up, sat down and told me she was busy and she could only spare me an hour!!

Then she had the birthday party from hell for one of her children. I won't go into the details, but that was the final straw.

A week or so later, I'd gone shopping with my mum in a nearby town. 'Mary' turned up at my house and as I wasn't in, went to my best friend's house. She asked her where I was, and when told I'd gone out with my mum 'Mary' was most put out that I hadn't told her where I was going,or that I was going out with my mum!! I'd had enough by then, so I stopped answering the phone when I knew she'd be likely to ring, and having my coat by the door when she 'popped round' so I could say I was going out.

She got the hint eventually and moved onto someone else. After 20 odd years I'm still friendly with 'Louise', though not seen 'Mary' at all, perhaps twice in the last few years?

If subtlety won't work, go for the direct option.

Good luck!