PLEASE help me

Jhoney_2

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

No one lives close to me so its not possible to pop round in the evening.

I am very aware that peoples lives are busy with partners and in laws so they dont consider how lonely it can be for me. They have babysitters on tap so have maintained a healthy social life. No one is prepared to babysit for me not even once in a blue moon.

If i get invited to someone having a get together at their house then we go, but roles reversed people dont make the effort with me.

I think an awful lot of people take for granted the support they have on offer from family and friends and find it difficult to comprehend how some people don't have support.

Im sure i can work on this in the future when LO grows up, its just a lonely journey at times.

What about the other parents at LO's nursery/school. Ask someone to go for a coffee after drop off find out what they are doing to bolster their social life. Plan play dates?

I do not live anywhere near my family or lifelong friends. Nor do I have babysitters/childminders or a nanny. I see them rarely and visit them less. But there are phones/email/skype.

Perhaps you are impacted so much by the problems in the area, but there are things you could try and do to combat isolation. The area problem is a harder and different matter altogether.

going_nowhere_fast

I think the loneliness exaggerates how the area affects me to be honest.

My child goes to childcare after school so I don't tend to meet many parents. I have plucked up the courage and tried to make friends with a couple but they don't seem to want to expand their circle of friends, they are busy with family - taking kids to football, taking mother in law to the shops, going out with hubby.

I've tried to build friendships with other single parents but so far the only ones I meet are desperate for a man and are not choosy either. I met one and her new fella was just out of prison for beating his ex partner. I don't want someone like that in my life let alone my child's! The single mums I have something in common with seem to have an active social life because their child goes to stay with dad or grandma.

Jhoney_2

Try again around the parents evening. your LO must come home talking about friends in their class. LO Birthday party invitations come up a come up almost 3 times a month if you think about it.

Try to do an occassional pickup/drop off on a day off. It will open up so many more potential friends and activities e.g play date in a park with a sandwich and drink. voila!

These things develop a life of their own!

I really do appreciate that it's not easy. I am quite reserved and frankly could do without it, but make the effort for my LO.

It's nothing personal to the parents, I just like to keep myself to myself. If I do go, I enjoy it for what it is - a day out for LO and her social development and friendship forming.

If you want to make new friends, that's 30 or more right there as a starting point. You only need to start with one and they will possibly already be part of a group you can gel with.

Jhoney_2

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

I think the loneliness exaggerates how the area affects me to be honest.

My child goes to childcare after school so I don't tend to meet many parents. I have plucked up the courage and tried to make friends with a couple but they don't seem to want to expand their circle of friends, they are busy with family - taking kids to football, taking mother in law to the shops, going out with hubby.

I've tried to build friendships with other single parents but so far the only ones I meet are desperate for a man and are not choosy either. I met one and her new fella was just out of prison for beating his ex partner. I don't want someone like that in my life let alone my child's! The single mums I have something in common with seem to have an active social life because their child goes to stay with dad or grandma.

Does LO do any after school activities? visits to the library often have things going on free/cheap too.

My LO school have a 'friends of the school' group and arrange parent meets in the evening for drinks, meals quiz nights etc. sometimes mum events, sometimes dad's and occasionally whoever can make it. They also have a FB page ( I don't bother with that either). I never go, as no childcare etc and also that would be my choice anyway.

Why not start one? Go on the schools website and see what's going on and ask to get involved in some way. There are always fund raising events and they often request help with this or that.

It will be rewarding, give you a confidence boost and kick start your new friendship circles.

Freeraine

Earning more money would turn your life around, so there will come a point when you must consider full time work rather than part-time.

going_nowhere_fast

Freeraine wrote: »

Earning more money would turn your life around, so there will come a point when you must consider full time work rather than part-time.[/QUOTE/]

I've already stated earlier in the thread that as my child gets older I will be increasing my hours back to full time. I have always worked but at the moment I need to balance my needs and my child's and my current working pattern works well for LO.

Poppy9

Not sure if I have missed. How old is your little one and does she have any contact with her father?

marksoton

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

I've had a look at that NASA website, its a new one to me.

The money would be life changing, even a small amount. I've spent so many years with no money to do anything for myself, no one will babysit for me so I spend all evening every evening alone in front of the TV. Over time I've become practically friendless because no one wants to know when you can't go out once in a while or have money to be frivolous with.

Its so isolating.

So pursue the CSA/CMS. I'm sure everyone on here has complete sympathy with your situation but you have to start being proactive and fight to improve it yourself. And that starts with this.

Your child's father should be contributing and you owe it to your child and yourself to make sure he is.

going_nowhere_fast

Jhoney wrote: »

Does LO do any after school activities? visits to the library often have things going on free/cheap too.

My LO school have a 'friends of the school' group and arrange parent meets in the evening for drinks, meals quiz nights etc. sometimes mum events, sometimes dad's and occasionally whoever can make it. They also have a FB page ( I don't bother with that either). I never go, as no childcare etc and also that would be my choice anyway.

Why not start one? Go on the schools website and see what's going on and ask to get involved in some way. There are always fund raising events and they often request help with this or that.

It will be rewarding, give you a confidence boost and kick start your new friendship circles.

Wow your school is very sociable. Our school does have a coffee morning for parents but i cant go because its at 11am when I'm at work.

There is a big benefit culture where I live so a lot of mums have one child in school, one in nursery, and another on the way and have never had a job. Every other word starts with f outside the school gates. Most of the houses round here are poor quality rented houses but people seem quite happy with their lot.

I have always worked and would like to progress career wise (not actively doing anything about that - I want to but don't know what to do) and I want to improve our living situation by moving to a less deprived area with less antisocial behaviour. So we're opposites. I have more in common with the mums whose children's go to the after school childcare I think but rarely get to meet them due to different pick up times.

I do think that the school gates are quite clicky so you find only a couple are chatty but I will perserve trying to chat to a few who are approachable.

My LO doesn't do any after school activities - I have been trying to encourage them to give something a go for ages now. My plan is to find something they like and then I can volunteer to help out!

tomtontom

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

I think the loneliness exaggerates how the area affects me to be honest.

My child goes to childcare after school so I don't tend to meet many parents. I have plucked up the courage and tried to make friends with a couple but they don't seem to want to expand their circle of friends, they are busy with family - taking kids to football, taking mother in law to the shops, going out with hubby.

I've tried to build friendships with other single parents but so far the only ones I meet are desperate for a man and are not choosy either. I met one and her new fella was just out of prison for beating his ex partner. I don't want someone like that in my life let alone my child's! The single mums I have something in common with seem to have an active social life because their child goes to stay with dad or grandma.

Don't be so quick to judge these other women, have you thought that they may be jumping into (unsuitable) relationships because, like you, they are bitterly lonely and don't know how to get out of it? Maybe get to know them a bit better and you might understand why they make the choices they do.

You want the best for your child but you relate that to materialistic things. I have contact with lots of people in deprived situations and the happiest are those that make the most of what they have. That's not to say that they don't aim for something better, but in the meantime they make the best of things.