Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Pyxis

tea_lover wrote: »

I don’t feel able to – although I can see that rationallythat might be a good idea. I’m too awedby authority! I’m scared that I’m goingto get in trouble with the police, that they’ll be angry with me, that theymight charge me with wasting police time. I’m also aware that as this is classed as a domestic incident it will beprosecuted regardless of whether I support the prosecution or not.
I tried to have the conversation with PB last time I spoke tohim (5 weeks ago) but I just felt talked around. I don’t think I can face trying to bring itup again. Which means I’m left feelingincredibly guilty and torn about how things have got to this stage... I’veforgotten what it’s like to sleep!

I really do think you need to speak to someone. Are you in touch with a stalker support person? It won't be the first time this sort of scenario has been played out, and they would understand your turmoil and should be able to advise. :A

tea_lover

The main problem is that I've now realised he's just not stalking me! He made some bad decisions one weekend (with the following and turning up at the house) but since then it's been a few emails, a letter and some birthday presents. Without the initial incidents I would never have dreamed of telling the police about those. Now I think about it is just seems beyond stupid to have reported things like getting an email or being given some flowers. None of it was in the slightest bit threatening. I was so caught up in reporting everything and doing what the police told me that I didn't really think about it or have any perspective on the actual scale of the incidents. It all seems so minor and petty.

I want to be able to speak to him. Not to get back together. Absolutely not - am very clear on that!! But to sort out belongings, to sort out finances, to check he's ok, because a ten-yr relationship shouldn't end like this. But I can't contact him directly because stupidly agreed to prosecution. So now I'm hanging around on the side of the road where I know he'll be passing. If anything, I'm now stalking him.

faerielight

oh Tea, what a stressful situation. If you have mental health issues and to go to court would be detrimental, I'm sure you won't have to appear. I took someone to court years ago and the process was not nice. In hindsight I wish I'd have tried to get out of it under the guise of mental health. Do let them know.. without you as the witness the case probably wouldn't go to trial anyway.

I love this safe place, people can be so mean in the main forum. I don't understand why they act to try and discredit people . I hate it when I read others's posts and they are being ripped to shreds. I just wanted advice about how to get the parcel back, not judgement Unless it's about a freebie or comp, I always regret posting anywhere else but here. I think it's my anxiety and impulsivity that makes me act before I think.

I spoke to the company and they are refusing to give me a refund. They still haven't been able to get the courier to give a description of the neighbour who took it, nor tell me if he signed for it. I only had 2 hrs sleep last night, I was worrying so much. I think I'm going back to bed.. all my cats are there, it looks cosy and safe.

onomatopoeia99

tea_lover wrote: »

So now I'm hanging around on the side of the road where I know he'll be passing. If anything, I'm now stalking him.

Really don't do that. :eek:

I think everyone who has been on this topic for a while will remember the panic that came across so vividly in your posts at that time. While you can say now with hindsight it was just a letter / emails / flowers / presents (and turning up at your church, following you in your car, trying to get at you through neighbours and possibly some other stuff I've forgotten), but at the time it was a sustained pattern of behaviour that took repeated police involvement to end when he didn't stop after you asked (personally this is a really big thing for me, a single "no" should always be enough), and based on what you wrote here you appeared overwhelmed by it all adding up.

I haven't lived anything like it so I can't imagine how it feels for you now, or how it felt back then when it was happening, and I'm not still processing the feelings of the breakup of a long term relationship in the midst of all of this (that is one thing I have been through, so at least understand at least how much more difficult it makes any situation involving a person that you recently parted from, however the relationship ended) . You had to do what was right for you at the time, and I sincerely believe you shouldn't beat yourself up over taking action that you felt necessary for your own wellbeing and protection while it was happening - the police had the information of exactly what happened from you and formed an independent opinion on his actions. One must presume they see multiple cases of this kind across a wide range of actions, and if they felt you were making a fuss over nothing then they would have said so.

Ultimately I'm just an anonymous, unqualified person on the internet though , it might help you get some perspective on your actions and feelings if you could talk through everything with someone that has experience of something similar - no idea how that could be achieved though. Weren't you going to see a counsellor or similar person?

mellymoo74

Tea
I agree with ono
Back to humming

happilymarried2013

Tea - Your post has stopped me from hovering. Here I am. lol.

I feel an affinity with you my love, not just because of your awesome screen name but your situation.

Please don't feel guilty about contacting the police, I've had to do the same when my last relationship broke down. You were frightened and no one has the right to make you feel like that.

And it is perfectly natural to want to know how they are, what they're up to now, if they're happy etc. That person has been part of your life for ten years.

Don't act on it today, leave it till tomorrow, its another day and it may look different then. Just know that there's a whole community supporting you (even if it is from the other side of a computer, we're still caring).

HTH xx

pollyanna_26

\sorry Tea but another here with ono and melly . Think back or if you can face it read back over your posts . You were so afraid and barely functioning . The feeling you have now is very common when things have settled from panic mode . I've been there , I have the t shirt and I also have the damage from lowering my guard afterwards and having then to face court action before I could finally draw a line once and for all and be rid .
Take care
polly

Birdie85

Tea, I feel like you're minimising what happened. The police even told him to back off when you got to the point of being so scared you felt you had no choice but to report it yet he insisted that he wasn't doing anything wrong and kept at it. But whatever...

Hope you get the parcel/refund Faerie. The courier should be the ones paying up as they delivered it incorrectly.

whitewing

faerie,

I don't expect they can agree to a refund anyway until they have spoken with the driver.

tea,

I was scared for you when you were doing the earlier posts. I understand that you are under a tremendous amount of stress. Just keep yourself safe.

Hello everyone.

Izadora

tea_lover wrote: »

The main problem is that I've now realised he's just not stalking me! He made some bad decisions one weekend (with the following and turning up at the house) but since then it's been a few emails, a letter and some birthday presents.

As others have said, please try to remember how scared those bad decisions made you feel at the time and how many of them there were. Also, while the emails, letter and presents wouldn't have been enough on their own for you to go to the police, they still show a lack of respect for your wishes to have some time and space to deal with things.

Don't beat yourself up for wanting/needing to see FOH and I'm glad it was just a need to sort things out and not a desire to get back together - I think you'd be getting some rather stern words from a lot of people if that were the case