Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

calleyw

Birdie85 wrote: »

I really hope to hit the magic 150 mark next week! It's pretty much the only thing stopping me from eating a massive slice of chocolate fudge cake right now! I'm going to find it really difficult to reach my target weight, as I don't think I've been anywhere near it for around 10 years but I really want to get as close as I can. I'm sick of being self conscious and being the dumpy one when I'm with my gorgeous friends.

Good luck with that. I am even heavier than your starting weight and only 5ft 4!!!

I am not sure what happened got to puberty and then just grew. I do remember when I was 15 being 10st 7lbs. I wish.

I have always been the fat friend. Hate it really. I am not sure why I have a such a bad relationship with food. I have been better in the past. But just about everything happy/sad/bored/lonely I see to eat crap.

Yours

Calley

tea_lover

I would bet good money on you being utterly gorgeous! Re-read your positives

I'm going the wrong way - at this rate I'll be nearer 160 next week :rotfl:. Am aiming for 136 overall but that seems so far off. Annoyingly I managed that in Dec 2014 then spent all of last year putting it back on. Well, technically I got to 134 but that was after a week of tonsillitis so I don't think it counts!

Torry_Quine

I have no idea what I weigh other than too much!

Well done those of you working to lose weight, it isn't easy.

Izadora

Birdie85 wrote: »

I'm sick of being self conscious and being the dumpy one when I'm with my gorgeous friends.

Oi!!! We'll have less of that thank you!!

I'm sure there are many things about you that your 'gorgeous' friends would more than happily swap so try to remember them rather than focusing on what you see as a negative.

Georgiegirl256

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I have no idea what I weigh other than too much!

Well done those of you working to lose weight, it isn't easy.

I have no idea what I weigh either? I have a rough idea, but not exactly, and it's probably a lot more than what I'm thinking it is! I've decided I'm not going to obsess about, and as long as I can still fit into a size 12 or smaller then that's fine with me.

tea_lover

By "fit into" you mean "hold together with hairband and not able to breath" right?!

Georgiegirl256

Hehe I've never had to do that yet, although I have came close to it at points!

Waves_and_Smiles

Thankyou JM, you are so wise and completely correct.

I just need to write this down to stop the memories going around in my head. Everyone carry on chatting, I am reading along.

Memories penguin-

Being 4 years old and hiding under the table and crying because I had to go to school and I had no idea what would happen to my mother. She had been crying and telling me I wouldn't want her now because I would have strangers. I felt so much guilt and that I was leaving her.

Up to the age of 7 witholding my poo so that it would cause me pain. Being bent over double and crying because it hurt so much but happy because it was right that I was hurting and I was meant to suffer pain. I only pooed twice a week for a long time because I wouldn't allow myself to do so, I felt I deserved to hurt.

Being 8 and smashing bottles over my head because I wanted to be hurt. Being taken to the hospital and my mother saying I fell over because I had broken a glass bottle over my head. She told me I did it to get her into trouble and I was evil and she wished she had her real child back.

Shutting a sponge in a drawer by accident and my mother telling me the sponge was crying because it was in so much pain and that I hurt everything. I was between the ages of 5-7. She always told me objects had feelings and I hurt them.

My mother having a psychotic episode and my dad holding her down and forcing her to take medication. I hid in the corner of the room because I was so scared. My parents fell asleep afterwards and I stayed in the corner all night. I was 7.

Accidentally knocking my mother's arm when she was holding bleach and her crying and asking me why I was trying to hurt her and burn her. telling me that I was devils spawn and did things on purpose to cause her pain. the disappointment on my dad;s face when he got home and she cried whilst telling him, he wasn't angry with me, just upset that he knew she would mention this for the rest of the evening and it would make her ill. I was no older than 8.

I didn't have a chance, did I? Sexual abuse and later psychosis aside emotionally I was always going to grow up to be a mess. I was so disturbed as a child but no one knew. The memories never went away, they stayed locked in my mind and I still remember how they made me feel. They feel like they happened yesterday.

End penguin

In other news BIL has contacted social services and told them that he has a right to enjoy the last 3rd of his life so no longer wants any caring responsibilities. Milliefleur called us crying because she believes it means she will have to go into residential care. WaSp feels terrible, I feel terrible because if it wasn't for me he told me he would live with her so she could stay in her own home. On the positive side Milliefleur would be better off with carers other than BIL but we have no idea what kind of help she will be offered. It is another worry.

calleyw

WaS,

My heart goes out to you.

But you know its not true you are one of the most caring, loving, gentle caring person I could ever wish to meet.

Massive hugs and squishes.

Yours

Calley

Izadora

(((((WaS)))))

You've had so much to deal with that BIL must feel a bit like a final straw. Please try not to worry though, I'm sure everything will be okay xx