Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Georgiegirl256

:rotfl: You've just made me lol! It's like when you channel flick quickly!

mellymoo74

Had 3 spoons of fruit cocktail and carnation

It's the early 80s in my house

Can't manage any more

Anyone know why Boo is doing this

jobbingmusician

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

In other news BIL has contacted social services and told them that he has a right to enjoy the last 3rd of his life so no longer wants any caring responsibilities. Milliefleur called us crying because she believes it means she will have to go into residential care. WaSp feels terrible, I feel terrible because if it wasn't for me he told me he would live with her so she could stay in her own home. On the positive side Milliefleur would be better off with carers other than BIL but we have no idea what kind of help she will be offered. It is another worry.

WaS, the thing to focus on is to try to keep Millie in her own home. What is the actual situation here?

Does she own her own home?
Does BIL have any actual right to live there, especially if he is not caring?
(I suspect his refusal to be a carer won't make any actual difference, as he is such an unreliable !!!!!! anyway. Am I right, or will it actually make a difference?)
If it is her own home, and there's room, is there room for you two to move in and have a proper space of their own?
Can WaSP make the sensible point to the local authority (which I am sure they would lap up!) that it would be a LOT cheaper to provide a carer for Millie than to move her to residential care?

Then there are all the questions about funding. Does she actually need residential care or some degree of nursing care? (As this affects the funding.) The reason I am asking in particular is that this could implode big time on BIL - if he has no real entitlement to live in Milliefleur's house, it could be sold from under him to pay for the cost of her care............ (I really don't think she is likely to go into res care, but this is a nice thing to suggest to BIL )

PS Do you have a price yet for putting WaSP's car right?

Waves_and_Smiles

More memories. They won't stop.

Penguin about sexual relationships

I don't think I have ever been attracted to anyone other than people at a distance like film stars. If it's a real person all of those feelings just freeze. I used to sleep with anyone who showed attraction to me, my thinking went ok, they like me. That's sweet so I will be with them. It was never something I chose, just something I felt obligated to do in return for someone showing care towards me. It didn't matter their age or what they looked like, I didn't want to hurt them by saying no after they had shown interest. Hence I have slept with a lot of people but never really wanted to, it just felt like something you do to please others. A strange man requested I do a sexual act on him when I was 14, I did it because he liked me. This went on all the way through my life until I met WaSp. Even then it was him who initiated taking the friendship further, I don't think I ever would have. I do love him but it has never been sexually, that just doesn't happen for me. I am not asexual because I have always had sexual feelings for people I will never meet, it just all gets blocked for real life people.

It's like the part of me that is attracted to people is stuck at the teenage crush stage of dreaming about unreachable people. There is just nothing there for real life people, I suppose I lock it away. Sex for me has always been something you do to say thanks for liking me, it is nothing more than that. There are probably other people who have been abused who feel similarly, I have never researched it. I do wonder how it would feel to actually want to sleep with a real, live person for something other than to make them happy? I consider prostitution for a while because it seemed ideal for me. Sex means nothing to me other than something you do for other people, it's not nice, it's not dirty, it's nothing. No more than making someone a cup of tea to be nice to them.

End penguin

These thoughts about my past and how I am different are going around my head all the time. They just emphasise again and again how I do not think like everyone else. It can make me feel very isolated, my view of interaction with others has always been so different. I hate that I am so scarred by my past, bits of my development just didn't happen. I wish I was well again.

Waves_and_Smiles

JM, Milliefleur's house is part owned by a housing authority. It is really a one bedroomed house with a tiny box room BIL sleeps in. BIL has his own council house so he has no right to be there, to be honest he stays because it's free food, alcohol and internet. Milliefleur pays for everything for him whilst he is there. She needs to be checked on regularly because she falls and can only manage limited things due to being almost blind. She does have alarms however which she has used and does manage for days alone with people just popping by.

She does have a cooked meal delivered every day and various people check on her so something like sheltered housing would probably be ok at this stage. Milliefleur has no concept of what that is and ignores everyone who tells her she will still have independence, to her it's another word for a home. BIL, however is pushing for full residential care because he says he doesn't deserve the guilt if something happens to her. He seems unaware that he will lose his carers allowance so that is something to point out to him.

Insurance people are calling tomorrow but we have already started buying car parts as we are going to buy the car back off them. The damage is only cosmetic other than one fog lamp and the under tray and the garage has told us labour will be no more than £200 if we can find the parts. The money we are being given by the insurance company should be enough to cover it. We hope.

Wellyboots6

Im not reading your penguin bits WaS as they are a bit too triggering for me, but I just wanted to tell you something that my counsellor keeps saying to me, it may help a little.

When we are discussing anything difficult or upsetting, she always tells me to keep in mind that what we are talking about are events that have already happened, they are memories. The hurt and pain the event caused was bad enough at the time, try not to give the memories more power than they deserve. Sometimes when we struggle with painful memories we allow ourselves to feel more pain and hurt than we need to, because we feel we should as it hurt so much at the time. Sometimes as a way of punishing ourselves, sometimes because we don't know any other way. Always remember though that they are only memories. We've been through the hurt once, we don't need to go through that exact experience ever again. Don't give the memory more power than it needs.

She explains it a lot better than I do, but in my sleep deprived state that is the best I can do!

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you, Welly that makes total sense. You have actually reminded me of something my favourite psychiatrist said which was why do I need to keep abusing myself by dwelling on bad memories and all the guilt and shame involve? I was just punishing myself for something that wasn't my fault over and over again. We concluded it was because I felt I deserved it, that I deserved to suffer.

Hope Escapette isn't keeping you awake! But thank you being here at this time of night, I really appreciate it.

Wellyboots6

She isn't currently awake, but I think I've gone beyond tired now so I can't sleep.
I never realised how loud baby-sleep-trumps could sound over a baby monitor!

Waves_and_Smiles

Hahahaha! How cute! Oh dear, you have reached the completely overtired stage. I really hope that you manage to get some sleep soon, try something relaxing maybe? Bad tv if all else fails!

Pyxis

Aaargh! Just posted a quickie with a few photos, then lost the post! No time now! Well, perhaps one.......


The Golden Temple.....





Or two!........
Inside the rock cave Temple........







The Stupa at the Golden Temple........