Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, Hi Gitdog! Can I cuddle you?

Yes, it;s psychosis. The dream felt so real, I was sobbing and thinking I have to leave WaSp because I simply have to do what the guy said, there was no alternative for me in the dream. I woke up crying my eyes out. I just woke up terrified of what may have happened because I didn't report him, he told me it was a secret that couples share together like my mother told me we don't need strangers because they would hurt us. It was what I was used to so I told no one, it was my normal at the time.

I am sorry, I am so sorry. I made a huge mistake.

Torry_Quine

WaS Please try not to be so hard on yourself. This wasn't something under your control then and it isn't now.

pollyanna_26

Was So glad you spoke to bb she sounds right up to speed and I hope you can remember her words when needed .
Torry are you finding the damp cold weather flaring the fibro ? Oop north we seem to have nothing but wet , grey and windy weather for ever !
Ooh I missed Gitdog I just love him .
Melly How are things ?
polly

Torry_Quine

pollyanna_26 wrote: »

Was So glad you spoke to bb she sounds right up to speed and I hope you can remember her words when needed .
Torry are you finding the damp cold weather flaring the fibro ? Oop north we seem to have nothing but wet , grey and windy weather for ever !
Ooh I missed Gitdog I just love him .
Melly How are things ?
polly

I have ME rather than fibro though they are alike in many ways. To me you are down South. :rotfl:Actually had a little sun today.

Waves_and_Smiles

I am so sorry for going on about this. I know everyone here has difficulties too and have problems going on in their own lives, I feel utterly selfish taking up everyone's time with this. So many of you all are battling with things day to day that I would never cope with. All of my problems are caused by my own mind. I just feel pathetic.

Bit of dark humour, for my next set of posts educating about mental health I shall demonstrate how a persons mental well being plummets on the strength of an ESA form! Step by step reports on a descent into insanity! Seriously though, I wish there was someway that for people with complex mental health problems that one's doctors could write on the clients behalf and state that nothing had changed rather than the individual having to dig up the details of their past again at every assessment. It wrecks my mental health everytime. I am certainly not fit to work after filling the things in.

My bubbly bulldozer gave me the number of the crisis team and told me not to think twice about going to A&E if I need to if it gets too much. Again. These forms just destroy me, I try to forget this stuff. I have to, to be able to live.

Torry_Quine

WaS Post as much as you need to, it's your thread after all.

It makes no sense to me and seems very risky to make you have to go back over such difficulties. I wish I could do something more practical to help.

elsien

WaS if you apologise one more time for something that really isn't your fault, it may be slap around the head with a wet fish time again! And don't even think about apologising for apologising or Gitdog will have to come and sort you out.
I am currently engaged in an argument with Vodafone customer services who have debited me instead of giving me the credit they should have done. Times like this I'd much rather be able to talk to someone face to face rather than some random person who could be anywhere.

pollyanna_26

Was You are not being pathetic . When I posted about the cruelty of these forms this is what I meant .Having to rake uo the past over and over again is cruelty in the extreme and like yourself I believe there should be another way .
I've been thinking about the young people you helped in your work and the useful posts you have made here .
You do not need to keep saying sorry . You were young and damaged Go and cuddle Sir Pugliet and try to rest .
polly x

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you, Torry. The problem is that they don't take old forms into account, you have to fill each one in as if it was the first time you applied. So I have to tell them how I was abused as a child, my first psychotic break, everything all over again as if it just happened. I have to relieve it all with every form and I just don't think of those things on a day to day basis. I cope with the symptoms of what happened but not the why's, I would never survive if I had to keep recalling it all everyday.

My form has now turned into one similar to what my last one was, half facts and half psychotic babble with me apologising to the assessor for being a horrid person and a waste of space. I asked my bubbly bulldozer if I should ask for another form and start again but she said no, leave it just as it is. They need to see the truth of how I am feeling when I fill it in. Last time I ended up sobbing down the phone to a poor guy from Atos telling him how sorry I was for being such a failure. The poor man didn't know what to do but he was actually lovely. I shall attempt not to repeat that this time and not upset someone else's day. This is so hard.

Hahahaha! Ok I shall stop apologising! Are you sure I can't apologise for apologising? Thank you, that made me laugh.

calleyw

Evening Shipmates,

I have been reading but just not up to posting. So hugs and squishes and handshakes for all.

WaS please be kind to yourself the ESA forms are a b1tch to fill in. I use to do them on my own for husband and even I struggled. Its a bit like a how you eat a elephant a bite at a time. So do a little bit then give yourself a break. As its tough emotionally and mentally for you.

Well husband had CT on sunday. We got there 10 mins early and we finished and were leaving at his appointment time :rotfl:

Been doing some more clearing out of clutter. Donating to the charity shop, my mum. And even tidied up my bedroom. I know shock horror

You will be very proud of me. As today the forms for transferring the house in to my name were sent off to land registry :j Mind you cost me £7.25 :eek: next day signed for. Bit of a waste of time as going to PO Box number!!!! Husband moved out May 2012 :eek:

Messaged my lodger telling him he had to do his own washing from now on. He will take it to work. And every other week he has to clean the bathroom and kitchen up. And hoover.

Little bunny has taken to peeing on the carpet. not sure why but got her another litter tray. And fingers crossed that will stop it.

Anyway I am fine back on a very even keel. Fingers crossed it will last. Oh another one on the dating sites has deleted himself after saying he would never run away :rotfl: I am like meh!!!! Do I care. Nope.

Now need to see how I can make money with out having to go out to work. No idea but need to put my thinking cap on. I don't need to make huge amounts of money. Say £600 a month plus what I get from the lodger would be more than enough to live on and put a little away.

More hugs and squishes and handshakes to everyone who needs them.

Everyone take care.

Yours

Calley