Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Waves_and_Smiles

Tea, as everyone else, I don't think you should see FOH because I am worried it could hurt you more and even hurt him and prolong all of this further. But, if you really feel you need to I would never judge you for it. As I said, I have met with people I have split up with acrimoniously, it didn't turn out well, I had guessed it wouldn't turn out well and it didn't stop me in the least from doing it. Twice! I suppose I felt I needed closure of sorts and wanted to end things on a better note? Sadly, It didn't work in my case. It put my healing back for months but I am stubborn, I was determined and wouldn't let anyone talk me out of it, not even my therapist. If you do talk to FOH I really hope it gives you what you feel you need to move forward and I really mean that. If it doesn't, we will be hear to listen. So whatever you decide, no judgement. Have a hug.

tiggerjj

Thanks for the welcome,
I am quite scared about going to the gp for several reasons. I live in a country where the people are very direct. I'm scared that I won't be able to explain myself to the gp, won't say the right things. I'm scared that they will not believe me or think that I am just making a mountain out of a molehill. I'm scared of what will happen next.

pollyanna_26

Hello Tigger and welcome . Would you be able to write down how you feel and give or read it to the gp ? Start with a list of things that are the main problems which you can then sort into bullet points .
Wishing you well .
polly

charliewocka

Hi Tiggerjj - although different situations, I am in a very bad place at the moment and struggling.


Last night I thought was 'OK' - felt able to talk about general things and got an early night. Today I've woken up the same as yesterday and ended up in the shower (at work!) sobbing because I just don't like where I am or who I am right now. This isn't 'me' and I am so scared of scaring the OH away. When we got together I was the happy-go-lucky person I know I am inside. He is going away this weekend and I resent him so much for that. Not his fault, he is going to take part in a hobby he has, but it's me left at home feeling like this with the animals, the plumber, facing the mess of the house. He says I can talk to him but I can't really. I try to bring up things and he says things like 'well, you know what you've got to do to get out of it then'. It's innocent and not in a nasty way but I just don't think he understands. I'm half tempted to ask him to come to the GP later today with me and sit there while I talk and maybe it would open his eyes a bit to how serious this is.


I am somebody that compares myself a lot to others - in work and personally. His ex had mental health issues and I am scared he will think I am going the same way. It's completely different, I just need support and to talk. I feel that in a relationship you have to talk, whether it's good or bad but I don't want him to run away,


Sigh, another day.....

elsien

tigger, what happens next is a discussion between you and the doctor about the best way forwards. You can have a conversation about the pros and cons of suggested treatments but you don't have to accept then if you don't want to. Would a bit of time off work help?

jobbingmusician

Welcome tigger and charliew! (well, welcome BACK tigger, really.) tigger, would it be too much to ask which country? I'm just casting around in my mind trying to think what might be helpful culturally (in a country where people are very direct.)

charlie - it does sound as if 'healthy you' is still there at the core of you (as it is for all of us, of course, but you sound to be well in touch with the presence.) Actually what you sound like is exhausted! Are you actually sleeping? Would a good sleep help? Is there any way you can put the plumber, etc, on hold and just have some time out? When is the next TO you CAN have?

Tea - OK, so here's another POV. We've all said 'don't see FOE' and you have come back saying you really need closure. You really want to see him, don't you? So can we come up with the best way to do this? My suggestion is that you actually see someone together for couples counselling - someone that you have explained to in advance about the stalking, and that you actually think that you want to break all contact (just be honest as there is that part of you that thinks FOE may have changed and that it might work.) It would have to be someone bloody skilled who wasn't just taken in by an act that FOE might be able to sustain for an hour.

PLEASE don't rush off and do this. It's a suggestion for us to discuss and you to think about. An initial suggestion because I am hearing, loud and clear, that you think you need to see him for closure and I am trying to set up the safest and best way for this to happen if you need to do it. I'm sure other people here can improve on this initial suggestion (or tell me why it won't work). You might also need to discuss this suggestion (or rather, the better one which someone on here will make) with the police - because what you really don't want is the scenario where

- you see FOE
- he is rubbish and you realise you need him out of your life
- the police don't take you seriously cos you asked for their help with a stalker and then met up
- he carries on stalking

So you need to talk to baby policeman before any proposed meeting. If this is the route you want to consider, can you meet with BP to discuss it?

charliewocka

Thanks jobbingmusician. I agree, I am exhausted. I generally sleep well but for the last week I've been awake way before my alarm clock (which is normally set for 5:45) and on Monday morning I was up from 3am. I'm not somebody to sleep in, as much as I would love to, but a few nights sleep uninterrupted with having to get up and sort dogs out, cat looked after would be lovely.


Wish we could put the plumber off but it's taking ages to book in tradesmen at the moment - we had to book this guy in December and once he is done we can get the shower installed, so will give some form of closure to one room. I might try to get a bit of TO this weekend, even if just sitting on sofa with a cup of tea and a magazine (although have a list of jobs as long as my arm to get through!).


Just asked OHB to come to GP with me and told him it would be good for him to hear how I'm feeling and he's agreed. He's very supportive, don't get me wrong, but I think he's a little uncomfortable with stuff like this.

jobbingmusician

Much as I hate medication, it may be that 2 or 3 sleeping pills would sort you right out! (And yes, it will be excellent for OHB to hear how you are feeling) xxxx ((())) ~~~ (hugs and squishes)

I've just been into the fort and the squish cupboard has told me it's feeling a bit neglected and dusty! Not enough people claiming their full entitlement, it says.........

Flybaby

Moo - sorry about the bad luck with the interview honey. It sounds majorly carp of the agency not to get back to you and it is probably the agency and not the workplace. If they selected three for interview - they are likely to want to see all three before making a decision. Chase agency.


Tea - {squish} just because............


Hello new persons ...........


Pyx - your hols sounds fabby honey


Hello welly n escapette, Hello Calley, hello WaSsie, ello ww, ello jb, ello MU and elsien, ello everyone.............boing.............boing..............boing..............
I have a raving cold and have had wey too much coffee!

Izadora

Morning all.

Pyxis - Your holiday sounds amazing and it's fabulous that you got to see baby elephants!!

Welly - Good luck with EMDR today

Georgie - I'm glad your mum was okay and mostly just annoyed by the idiotic people. I'll never understand why so many people have to be so impatient and rude.

Melly - good luck with the healthy minds call

Tigger - Welcome (back)!! It sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment and agree that going to the doctor is a good place to start. It's good that your OH is being supportive.

Charlie - I hope you manage to get some sleep soon, I know that I find everything much harder to cope with when I'm tired, and I hope all goes well with the plumber this weekend. As much as you may wish you could put him off, the fact that it means you'll be able to fit your shower will hopefully make things easier for you. I know that I wouldn't cope well with only being able to shower at work.

As usual, sorry to anyone I've forgotten. I really should start making notes when I'm doing a morning catch up!!!